data.json

{"penny": ["Oh, hi!", "Hi?", "Oh, that's nice.", "Oh, okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbour, Penny.", "Hi.", "Hi.", "Thankyou, maybe we can have coffee sometime.", "Great.", "Bye.", "Hi.", "Hi.", "Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?", "Oh, that's so nice, I'd love to.", "So, what do you guys do for fun around here?", "Okay, thankyou.", "This looks like some serious stuff, Leonard, did you do this?", "Wow.", "So you're like, one of those, beautiful mind genius guys.", "This is really impressive.", "Holy smokes.", "Uh, do you guys mind if I start?", "So, sit next to me.", "What's the difference?", "Do you want me to move?", "So, Klingon boggle?", "Um, me, okay, I'm Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.", "Participate in the what?", "Oh, yeah, a lot of people think I'm a water sign.", "Okay, let's see, what else, oh, I'm a vegetarian, oh, except for fish, and the occasional steak, I love steak.", "Oh, yeah, I'm a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.", "Oh, anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay.", "It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln Nebraska to be an actress, and winds up a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.", "No, I'm from Omaha.", "I know, right?", "Okay, let's see, what else?", "Um, that's about it.", "That's the story of Penny.", "It was.", "Until I fell in love with a jerk.", "Oh God, you know, four years I lived with him, four years, that's like as long as High School.", "You want to know the most pathetic part?", "Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, I still love him.", "Is that crazy?", "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm such a mess, and on top of everything else I'm all gross from moving and my stupid shower doesn't even work.", "Really?", "Would it be totally weird if I used it?", "Hey, is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower.", "Oh.", "Hi, sorry.", "Hello!", "Penny.", "I work at the Cheesecake Factory.", "I'm sorry?", "Hey, Leonard?", "Um, okay.", "Can I ask you a favour.", "It's okay if you say no.", "It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you've just met.", "So, you guys work with Leonard and Sheldon at the University?", "Uh, I'm sorry, do you speak English?", "Really, why?", "Wow, cool tiger.", "Uh, sounds interesting.", "Oh, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it.", "Oh, my God, what happened?", "I'm so sorry, I really thought if you guys went instead of me he wouldn't be such an ass.", "Really, thank you so much for going and trying you're, uh, you're so terrific.", "Why don't you put some clothes on, I'll get my purse and dinner is on me, okay?", "Sure.", "So?", "So?", "That sounds like fun.", "Hey Leonard.", "Am I interrupting.", "Sounds like you have company.", "Well, you know, it's the Cheesecake Factory.", "People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them.", "Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage.", "Yeah, anyways, I was wondering if you could help me out with something, I was....", "Oh.", "Okay, great, I'm having some furniture delivered tomorrow, and I may not be here, so....", "(apartment door opens, Sheldon, Raj and Howard appear) Oh!", "Hel...hello!", "I'm sorry?", "No, I haven't.", "Yeah, I probably won't, but... Hey Sheldon.", "Hey Raj!", "(Raj looks uncomfortable) Still not talking to me, huh?", "Yeah, yeah, if it gets here and I'm not here tomorrow could you just sign for it and have them put it in my apartment.", "Great, here's my spare key.", "Thank you.", "Yeah?", "A marathon?", "Wow, how many Superman movies are there?", "Yeah, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her, which one was that?", "Yes, I know, men can't fly.", "I'm just going to go wash up.", "Hey guys.", "Great.", "Was it hard getting it up the stairs?", "Oh, great, thank you again (she throws her jacket over the back of the sofa).", "What's he talking about?", "I don't get it.", "Son of a Bitch!", "You sick, geeky bastards!", "Leonard!", "You came into my apartment last night when I was sleeping?", "Give me back my key.", "Do you understand how creepy this is.", "In my apartment, while I was sleeping.", "And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?", "God!", "Stay away from me.", "What?", "Hey Raj.", "(Raj stands looking uncomfortable.)", "Hey, listen, I don't know if you heard about what happened last night with Leonard and Sheldon, but I'm really upset about it, I mean they just, they let themselves into my place, and then they cleaned it, I mean can you even believe that?", "How weird is that?", "You know, where I come from, someone comes into your house at night, you shoot, okay?", "And you don't shoot to wound.", "I mean, alright, my sister shot her husband, but it was an accident, they were drunk.", "What was I saying?", "It's obvious that they meant well, but I'm just, I'm having a really rough time, like I said, I broke up with my boyfriend, and it's just freaking me out.", "I mean, just because most of the men I've known in my life happen to be jerks, doesn't mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are.", "Right?", "Hi.", "What's going on?", "Leonard.", "Guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay, I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was like twelve, I think I can put together a cheap Swedish media centre.", "Well, uh, it looked pretty good in the store.", "Hey guys, I got this.", "Guys, this is actually really simple.", "Guys, it's hot in here, I think I'll just take off all my clothes.", "Okay, this place does look pretty good.", "Um, no, hi Leonard, this is Doug, Doug, this is my neighbour Leonard.", "Is, is everything okay.", "Thank you, I've got to talk to that mailman.", "Okay, well, thank you, again.", "Ah, hey Leonard.", "Uh, do you mean dinner tonight?", "Supper?", "Uh, six thirty's great.", "Yeah, I like hanging out with you guys.", "You know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, who all's coming?", "Okay, whatever, it sounds like fun.", "Six thirty.", "It's fine.", "No, six thirty's great.", "Why?", "So are the rest of the guys meeting us here?", "Ooh, my uncle just had a colonoscopy.", "How?", "So, what's new in the world of physics?", "Really, nothing?", "Ah.", "Well I'm sure things will pick up.", "Oh, uh, not much.", "We do have a chocolate key lime that's moving pretty well.", "Doug?", "Oh, yeah, I dunno, I mean, he's nice and funny, but...", "I'd like a drink.", "Okay, well, you know, it's just me.", "I'm still getting over this break-up with Kurt, and this thing with Doug would be just rebound sex.", "It's just, it's my pattern.", "I break up, then I find some cute guy, and then it's just thirty six meaningless of... well, you know.", "No, it's usually over a weekend, and trust me, you do not feel good after it.", "Emotionally.", "How?", "Wow, centrifugal force!", "Are you okay?", "No.", "Are you sure you don't want to go to the emergency room?", "I know, but you did throw up.", "Isn't that a sign of a concussion?", "Okay.", "Oh, no, it's fine, you got most of it out the window.", "Yeah, me too.", "Um, good night.", "(Leonard turns across hallway.)", "Leonard?", "Was this supposed to be a date?", "Okay, I was just checking.", "Hi, hey.", "I'm running out to the market, do you guys need anything?", "I'm sorry?", "Four dozen?", "Okay, one more time?", "Oh, yay!", "How come you didn't go into work today.", "So you got canned, huh?", "Well, maybe it's all for the best, you know I always say, when one door closes, another one opens.", "No, no, I meant...", "Never mind.", "We're fine.", "Oh, sure I am.", "120?", "Well, yeah.", "Let's say 4,390.", "Thank you.", "Uh, no, no not really.", "Listen, didn't you say you needed some eggs.", "Oh, okay, well maybe you should start heading on out then.", "Interesting.", "No, I mean what you find enjoyable.", "What now?", "Well, maybe that's what I was going for.", "Oh, I don't know Sheldon, it's going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today.", "What?", "You want me to buy thirty years worth of tampons?", "Okay, I'm not talking about this with you.", "Are we so sure that's a bad thing?", "Has Shelly ever freaked out like this before.", "What happened?", "Oh my God, this is the best cobbler I've ever had.", "Love?", "Hi, you guys ready to order?", "I'll be back.", "Alright, my boss says you either have to order, or leave and never come back.", "A shower.", "Alright, thank you, and Sheldon.", "Well, it's all good.", "Uh, which one, the Classic Burger, the Ranch House Burger, the Barbecue Burger or the Kobe burger?", "The Barbecue Burger is like the Big Boy.", "Because you are not at Big Boy!", "Howard, I've asked you not to do that.", "Oh, wow, a girl scientist.", "Yeah, you too.", "Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello?", "Really?", "(Howard performs some of the worst beatboxing imaginable.)", "I'm actually not that into music.", "So hey, your friend's really cute, anything going on with you two.", "Oh, that's too bad, you guys would make a cute couple.", "Oh, hey Sheldon, what's going on?", "I'm sorry?", "Okay, sweetie, I know you think you're explaining yourself, but you're really not.", "Well what?", "Oh, come on, you went to college.", "Alright, look, a tie on the doorknob usually means someone doesn't want to be disturbed because they're, you know, getting busy.", "Well, either that or he's lost his tie rack and gotten really into Bryan Adams.", "We really shouldn't be standing here.", "Oh, come on, you know, Leonard's had girls over before, right?", "Wait, you had to leave the state because your roommate was having sex?", "So, do you know who's in there?", "Hmmm.", "Good for him.", "Good for Leonard.", "Okay, night.", "What's the matter?", "Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl.", "I'm usually on the other side of the tie.", "Oh, hey Leonard.", "So, how's it going?", "Just pretty good, I'd think you were doing very good.", "Well, a little bird told me that you and Lesley hooked up last night.", "So, is it serious, do you like her?", "Alright, well, I'll talk to you later, but, I am so happy for you Leonard.", "So, how's everything.", "Really, oh yay!", "Um, I don't know, a psychiatrist?", "So hey, how are things with you and Lesley?", "Oh, hey guys.", "So, how was paintball, did you have fun?", "Okay, um, oh hey, I'm having a party on Saturday so if you guys are around you should come by.", "Yeah.", "Well, there will be boys, and there will be girls, and it is a party.", "So, it'll just be a bunch of my friends, we'll have some beer, do a little dancing...", "Are you sure?", "Come on, it's Halloween.", "Well, yeah.", "Um, yeah, Halloween.", "As usual, I'm not following.", "Sure.", "Fine.", "Of course.", "Anything you want, okay?", "Any costume you want.", "Bye.", "Oh, hey guys.", "Late?", "It's 7", "Well, yeah, when you start a party at seven, no-one shows up at, you know, seven.", "Yes.", "Yes it is.", "Okay, well, um, come on in.", "Probably, but in their own homes.", "The parade?", "Oh, Sheldon, I'm sorry but there aren't going to be any parades or judges or prizes.", "No, come on, it's going to be fun, and you all look great, I mean, look at you, Thor, and, oh, Peter Pan, that's so cute.", "No you don't.", "Oh, hey, what's Sheldon supposed to be.", "Oh, sure, I see it now, the Doppler Effect.", "Alright, I've got to shower, you guys um, make yourselves comfortable.", "Oh hey, when did you get here, Hi!", "Oh, hey guys.", "You having a good time?", "Alright Kurt, be nice.", "Kurt!", "Of course not, no, he's not, you're not, right Leonard?", "Okay, Kurt, please.", "Kurt, put him down this instant.", "I don't care, I'm finishing it, put him down.", "Leonard, are you okay.", "Oh, okay, alright, well thank you for coming.", "Hey Leonard.", "Hey, I just wanted to make sure you're okay.", "I'm so sorry about what happened.", "Yes it is.", "That's why I broke up with him, he always does stuff like that.", "God, what is wrong with me.", "Gah, I'm not perfect.", "Yeah.", "Just....", "a lot.", "It might.", "Boy, you're really smart.", "Leonard, you are so great.", "Why can't all guys be like you?", "I should probably go.", "Hey guys.", "No you won't.", "Uh, can I hide out here for a while.", "Well, there's this girl I know from back in Nebraska, Christie, well anyway she called me up and she's like \"Hey, how's California,\" and I'm like \"Awesome\" 'cos, you know, it's not Nebraska, and the next thing I know she's invited herself out here to stay with me.", "Anyway, she got here today, and she's just been in my apartment, yakkety-yakking about every guy she's slept with in Omaha, which is basically every guy in Omaha, and washing the sluttiest collection of underwear you have ever seen in my bathroom sink.", "He really needs to dial it down.", "Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family.", "No, yeah she's definitely a whore.", "I mean, she has absolutely no standards, this one time, she was at... where's Howard?", "Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I'll play.", "Why?", "Oh, what, what, what?", "Oh cool, whose head did I just blow off?", "Okay, I got this, lock and load boys.", "Ha-ha, there goes your head again.", "Cover this, suckers.", "Ha-ha-ha!", "Yeah, so is Sheldon.", "Wait, wait, Sheldon, come back, you forgot something.", "This plasma grenade.", "(Explosion.)", "Ha!", "Look, it's raining you!", "Gosh, he's kind of a sore loser, isn't he?", "Well, it's been fun.", "Or we could just have a life.", "Good night, Leonard.", "As usual, nice talking to you Raj (leaves.)", "Okay, I have a problem.", "Um, well, Howard and Christie are... kind of... hooking up in my bedroom.", "Look, I grew up on a farm, okay, from what I heard they're either having sex or Howard's caught in a milking machine.", "Do you mind if I stay here tonight?", "Uh, the couch is good.", "Hu.. what?", "How am I supposed to plan my bodily functions?", "I'm listening.", "Why?", "I'll risk it.", "Anything else I should know.", "That's okay.", "Got it.", "Thanks.", "Uh, what time is it?", "I slept all day?", "What the hell is your problem?", "Why do you people hate sleep?", "Are you wearing my robe?", "That's okay, keep it.", "Where's Christie.", "Y-you used my loofah?", "You can keep that too.", "Uh, so Christie, what are your plans?", "Yeah, no, I meant plans to find some place to live.", "Other than with me, not that I don't love having you, but it's... a little crowded.", "Look, Howard, I know her, okay, she'll have sex with anyone as long as they keep buying her things.", "Yeah.", "Oh, hey guys, what's up?", "Yeah.", "Okay.", "So?", "She's not my friend.", "Friends do not get their friends care bears all sweaty.", "Oh, that's so sweet.", "But I'm going out dancing with a girlfriend.", "Well, for Penny it's dancing night.", "No.", "Look, why don't I play with you guys tomorrow?", "Alright, now Sheldon, you and I are about to have a problem.", "Alright fellas, I gotta go.", "Good luck.", "Hi guys, my friends and I got tired of dancing, so we came over to have sex with you.", "Hi guys.", "I need some guinea pigs.", "I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.", "Well, I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bar tending shift, so I need to practice making drinks.", "So Leonard, how about it?", "Okay, here you go, Leonard, one tequila sunrise.", "Uh, how about a grasshopper.", "I make a mean grasshopper.", "Okay?", "Good.", "Coming up.", "Sheldon, what are you going to have?", "Okay, can you please order a cocktail, I need to practice mixing drinks.", "That's, um, rum and coke without the rum.", "So coke.", "There's a can in the fridge.", "Then swim to Cuba.", "Okay, Raj, here you go.", "Alright, who's next?", "Okay, you're cut off.", "Anybody need a refill?", "A... are you talking to me?", "Okay, sweetie, I think that's the grasshopper talking.", "Okay, calm down, no-one can make you get married.", "Why don't you just meet this girl and, see what happens.", "Um, Raj, honey, you say you can't talk to women but... you've been talking to me.", "I'm fine.", "Okay, if you're going to drink on this date just promise me you won't overdo it.", "Yeah, that.", "Uh, why don't you bring her to my restaurant when I'm tending the bar so I can keep an eye on you?", "Drinks do not work that way.", "Okay.", "Oh, I'll wedge it right in there.", "I know the reason.", "Oh, maybe a couple of virgin cuba libres that turned out to be kind of slutty.", "Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.", "Hey guys.", "It's a little loud.", "Okay, thanks.", "Yeah, you turned your stereo down with your laptop.", "Oh.", "You know you can just get one of those universal remotes at Radio Shack, they're really cheap.", "Boy, that's brilliant, but I'll see you.", "No.", "Huh, well that's handy.", "Um, here's a question, why?", "Well, wait, wait, what's on top of them.", "What?", "(Seeing red car is trying to get between her legs) Ew, stop it, no, leave me alone.", "So, how's it going with Sheldon, are you guys still not talking to each other?", "Oh, hey, I didn't know they still made corduroy suits!", "Okay, well, let's just see what else you have.", "Okay, here, take this, and this, and this, and these.", "No, this is stuff I want you to throw out.", "Seriously, don't even give it to charity, you won't be helping anyone.", "What's this.", "Uh-huh.", "Oh, nice.", "Here, why don't you put these on while I find a shirt and sport-coat to match.", "Well, where you going, just put them on.", "Oh, are you shy?", "Don't worry, I won't look.", "Sweetie, put the pants on.", "So, you know, isn't there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing.", "What is this?", "Oh, why didn't you wear it at Halloween?", "Okay, alright, moving on, oh, wow, a paisley shirt.", "If you mean it should end up in the same place then, I agree.", "Is this your... your only tie?", "Oh, sweetie, I don't think it even works as one.", "Is this all your clothes?", "The... the eighth grade?", "Okay, well, I guess we're back to the corduroy suit.", "Yup.", "(Leonard picks up paisley shirt) I said no, put it down.", "Hey Sheldon!", "Get anything good?", "Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't.", "(Sheldon looks confused).", "It was a joke.", "(Sheldon gives a fake laugh.)", "Yup, tip your waitresses, I'm here all week.", "Oh yeah, me too.", "Zip it, lock it.", "(The begin to climb) Put it in your pocket.", "So you and Leonard...", "Little misunderstanding, huh.", "Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this morning and I think he feels really bad about it.", "Well how do you feel?", "Well I'm just asking if it's difficult to be fighting with your best friend.", "Wait... what?", "You should just talk to him, I'm sure you guys can work this out.", "Which was?", "Okay, so you absolutely should talk to him, look, I know Leonard values you as a friend, and he told me himself that without your little idea there's no way he could have come up with this whole experiment thing.", "Yeah, I mean he tried to explain it to me, I didn't really understand it but...", "Uh, well no, no, not in... not in those words.", "Um, gee, the exact words aren't written... it's more the spirit in which it's", "You had a lucky hunch.", "Leonard, ready to go?", "Bye Sheldon.", "There you go.", "No, no, I didn't say better, I said less stained.", "Is that all?", "Oh, well, then good!", "Oh, sorry, I've just, I've heard it before.", "I really should have brought my own car.", "Is this usually how these physics things go?", "Howard, would you like to explain to me why your facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned \"Me and my Girlfriend?\"", "Let's go-oh-oh Ou-oooo-ut tonight.", "I have to go-oh-oh-oh ou-ooooo-ut tonight.", "You wanna prowl, be my night owl, (Leonard and Sheldon reappear, running down the stairs) we'll take my... (appearing) Hey guys, hi!", "Where you going?", "You'll never guess what just happened.", "What was that?", "Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?", "Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.", "It's not a big deal, just a one night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents so, you never know.", "It's this Friday at eight, you guys want to come?", "Oh, too bad, well, I got to get to rehearsal, see you guys.", "Do you have any idea what time it is?", "What do you want?", "I remember symposium.", "Wait, what?", "Well imagine how I'm feeling.", "Thanks.", "I just wanted to come by and wish you guys luck with your symposium.", "You know, I got to tell you, a lot of friends would let their friend go alone, but that's not who you are, you are the kind of guy who stands by a friend when... when he has a symposium to go to.", "Uh-huh!", "Uh-huh!", "Howard, wait.", "Sheldon, I think we should tell them.", "There's no symposium, Leonard lied to me, isn't that right Leonard.", "It's okay, I do, look, Leonard is helping Sheldon through a family crisis, he made up the whole story about the symposium with Dr Farmin..farm...ian", "Hah, yeah!", "Because he didn't want Sheldon to be embarrassed, and there is nothing to be embarrassed okay, every family in America has a relative holed up in a garage somewhere huffing paint thinner.", "No, look, Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab, and he's in a Motel 8 at Long Beach, the whole family's going out for an intervention.", "Leonard is driving Sheldon down there to help him through this because he's such a good man.", "Alright you guys, good luck.", "Hi.", "How did the intervention go.", "Well, based on what you told me, I'm not surprised.", "Hi Leo, how are you feeling?", "No.", "Oh, it was okay I guess, wasn't a big turn out but they both really seemed to like it.", "By the end.", "Yeah.", "I'm... I'm sorry.", "Yeah.", "Hey, do you want to come over to my place, have coffee?", "I have a video of me singing last night, do you want to see it?", "This is even better than you coming to the showcase, because now I get to watch you watch me.", "Leo, you are a very sweet, really funny guy.", "You're gonna do okay.", "Hi guys.", "Did you get my mail.", "Oh, better than North Dakota!", "(Pause) I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.", "Boy, it's good to be back.", "Ugh, it was the worst trip, everyone got sick over the weekend.", "Oh, the flu I guess.", "Maybe Friday.", "I... I don't...", "Oh, it's okay, I understand.", "Okay, well, thank you for getting my mail.", "No, just crazy.", "Sheldon, what are you doing here?", "How could you have gotten it from me, I'm not sick.", "Shhh!", "Sheldon, what do you want.", "Why didn't you just....", "(louder throat clearance) Why didn't you just have soup at home.", "You can have soup delivered.", "Okay, what kind of soup do you want.", "We have Chicken Tortilla and Potato Leek.", "No.", "Hey, where are you?", "You sound funny.", "Yeah, well I'm at work too, and you'll never guess who's here infecting my entire station.", "He won't leave, he says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.", "Can you please come get him?", "Oh, it's okay, I didn't really need to work today, it's not like I have rent or car payments or anything.", "Okay, well, you feel better.", "Um, home, to write some bad cheques.", "Sheldon, you are a grown man, haven't you ever been sick before?", "Really, never?", "Studying abroad?", "And there was no-one there to take care of you?", "Again?", "What does that mean?", "Okay, sweetie, I'll take care of you, what do you need?", "Okay, ground rules, no sponge baths, and definitely no enemas.", "Okay, nice and cosy, okay, I'll see you later.", "Oh, Sheldon, can't you do that yourself?", "But Sheldon....", "I can't believe I'm doing this.", "Sorry.", "What?", "I'm sorry, honey, I don't know it.", "Soft kitty, warm kitty...", "Little ball of fur.", "You rat bastard.", "You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.", "Uh, it's okay, sweetie, good news, Leonard's home!", "Here you go, good luck, bye.", "Mmm, this is really delicious, isn't it?", "(Raj looks uncomfortable, then nods.)", "Still can't talk to me unless you're drunk, huh?", "(Shakes head) Oh, sweetie, you are so damaged.", "Sure.", "Raj, hug Howard.", "I'm confused, did Sheldon stop giving milk?", "So, you've got a bit of competition, I really don't see what the big deal is.", "I don't understand, exactly how did he get any friends in the first place?", "You know, I'm confused again, is he waiting, or do we get to shoot him between the eyes?", "Oh, hey guys, what's up?", "What?", "Hi, can you help me, I was writing an email and the A key got stuck.", "Now it's just going \"aaaaaaa\".", "Nothing.", "Diet coke.", "And yoghurt.", "A little nail polish.", "Wow, so in your world, you're like, the cool guys.", "Zod?", "I want tickets to that please.", "Good afternoon, and welcome to today's physics bowl practice round.", "I'm Penny, and I'll be your host, because apparently I didn't have anything else to do on a Saturday afternoon, and isn't that just a little sad?", "Gentlemen, are you ready?", "You know, it's none of my business, but isn't a guy who can't speak in front of women going to hold you back a little?", "Oh, thanks Raj, it's vanilla oil.", "Okay, the first question is on the topic of optics.", "What is the shortest light pulse ever produced?", "Dr Cooper.", "That is correct.", "Good for you, sweetie.", "Okay, next question.", "What is the quantum mechanical effect used to encode data on hard disk drives?", "Howard.", "Right.", "Because it's polite.", "Leonard, you said I only had to ask questions.", "What did he say?", "Yeah, and the bag it came in.", "So, how do you feel?", "Nice and loose?", "Come to play?", "Got your game face on?", "(The guys look confused.)", "Are you ready?", "Oh, no, no, I want to.", "It sounds really interesting.", "Sheldon.", "I'm just going to sit down.", "Okay, new contest.", "I'm settling once and for all who is the smartest around here.", "Okay, are you ready?", "Okay.", "Marsha, Jan and Cindy were the three daughters of what TV family?", "(They stare at her.)", "The Brady Bunch.", "Okay, Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth as the lead singer in what group?", "Van Halen.", "Alright, Madonna was married to this Ridgemont High alum.", "(Pause) Oh my God, Sean Penn!", "I go outside and I talk to people.", "Alright, here, what actor holds the record for being named people magazine's sexiest man alive?", "No.", "Alright, singer who sang \"Oops I Did It Again.\" (Sheldon starts involuntarily twitching again.)", "Okay, Tweetie Bird, taught he taw a what?", "Yes.", "He taught he taw a Romulan.", "Oh, hey guys.", "What are you doing?", "What is it?", "Yeah, okay, neat, but I really got to get to work, so....", "I don't have a few minutes, I'm running really late.", "You're joking, right?", "Damn, okay, I'll just take the roof.", "Okay, first of all, what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide, I slipped and skinned my knee.", "Zzz-zz-zz-zz!", "Second of all, the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked, so I had to go down the fire escape which ends on the third floor, forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family, who insisted I stay for lunch.", "It was eight courses of lamb, and they tried to fix me up with their son.", "Not done.", "By the time I finally got to work, they'd given my shift away.", "Yeah, that's right, I've lost an entire day's pay thanks to this... this...", "No!", "I don't want to try it, my God, you are grown men, how could you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes and comic books and... and now that... that...", "Oh please, it's not a time machine, if anything it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades.", "Oh, hey guys.", "What are you doing?", "Yeah, okay, neat, but I really got to get to work, so....", "But, what about your time machine.", "Oh, I'm scared.", "What the hell's going on?", "What?", "Okay, okay look, if this is about yesterday, Leonard, I am really sorry about what I said, I was just a bit upset.", "No you didn't.", "Look, you are a great guy, and it is things you love that make you who you are.", "Really?", "Hi Mike.", "Yeah, I just have to change.", "Oh, stop it!", "Bye guys.", "Hey, Leonard, you left your underwear in the dryer downstairs.", "Really, they have your little name label in them.", "Wow, you don't look that much alike.", "Hey, good for you, Raj.", "Hey, Sheldon's sister's pretty cute, I w....", "I didn't say you were, I just said she was cute.", "Sheldon, why are you ignoring your sister?", "Missy, I'm going to go get my nails done.", "Do you want to come?", "You're welcome.", "Goodbye Leonard!", "Ah, hey Leonard.", "Uh, pretty much, why?", "Of course.", "What do you want, Howard?", "Missy?", "Missy?", "Hey, guys, guys, some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something.", "Yeah, that's terrific, but what they wanted me to ask you was to cut it the hell out.", "(To someone off) Right come on guys, come on.", "(Singing while approaching another table) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...", "So Leonard, will we be seeing you on Saturday for your free birthday cheesecake?", "Okay, he can have carrot cake.", "he can scrape it off.", "I did your horoscope, remember, I was going to do everybody's until Sheldon went on one of his typical psychotic rants.", "Blah blah blah, a typical Taurus.", "So, seriously, are we going to see you Saturday?", "Why not?", "Shuddup, yeah you do.", "Uh, that's so silly.", "What was it called, \"I hate my son and that's why he can't have cake?\"", "Yeah, see, that's what kids should have.", "So you've really never had a birthday party?", "And?", "Oh my God, that's terrible.", "That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.", "I know.", "I want to talk to you.", "Okay, can you just let me in.", "Okay, here's the deal, we are going to throw Leonard a kick-ass surprise party for his birthday on Saturday.", "He just doesn't know he wants one because he's never had one.", "Howard, here's the difference.", "The possibility exists that Leonard could have a birthday party before hell freezes over.", "Anguish?", "Okay, sweetie, I understand you have scars that no non-professional can heal, but nevertheless we are going to throw Leonard a birthday party.", "Nevertheless we are....", "Okay, here's the deal, you either help me throw Leonard a birthday party or, so help me God, I will go into your bedroom and I will unbag all of your most valuable mint condition comic books.", "And on one of them, you won't know which, I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink.", "Sheldon, do you understand the concept of blackmail?", "Is that Raj and Howard?", "So, what did you get the birthday boy?", "Nice.", "I got him a sweater.", "Uh, Sheldon, I didn't see your present.", "Well why not?", "Well, Sheldon, you're his friend.", "Friends give each other presents.", "What?", "It's a non-optional social convention.", "Okay, let's do this, um, I will drive Sheldon to get a present, and Howard, you need to get rid of Leonard for about two hours.", "And then Raj, you bring the stuff across the hall and start setting up.", "Entertain them.", "Stare at them and make them feel uncomfortable.", "Alright, you know they have DVDs over there.", "Sheldon, a gift shouldn't be something someone needs, it should be something fun, you know, something they wouldn't buy for themselves.", "Well, it's a fun sweater, it's got a bold geometric print.", "Okay, the point is, one of the ways we show we care about people is by putting thought and imagination into the gifts we give them.", "Exactly.", "Um, that one.", "Sure.", "Oh, okay then this one.", "I don't know, the man on the box looks so happy.", "Oh, I know I'm going to regret this but, what trauma?", "Of course.", "No?", "All of them.", "Yeah.", "Okay, so we're getting this one?", "Okay, let's go.", "Here, buy this one.", "Look, it's the one we're getting, see, happy guy available.", "Sheldon, we have to go.", "Yeah, well so do I, look you've got to stall Leonard a little longer.", "You have to, we all have to be there at the same time to yell \"surprise!\"", "Why, is Leonard okay.", "Okay, I don't need your attitude, just hold him there a little longer.", "Okay, how about this.", "You keep him there a little longer and when you get to the party I'll point out which of my friends are easy.", "I've got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem, I've got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around and an alcoholic who's two tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.", "Him.", "Sheldon, we have to go.", "Well, for one thing, we're late for Leonard's birthday party.", "And for another, I told him to call security.", "Keep walking.", "That's my friend Carol.", "Remind me, I've got to introduce her to Howard.", "I'm so sorry you didn't get your party.", "I need to use your window.", "I'm fine, Leonard, just go away.", "GO AWAY!", "I don't.", "Wait.", "Tell me the truth.", "Am I just an idiot who picks giant losers?", "Okay, so I pick good guys, but turn them into losers.", "Well, it's got to be one or the other, which is it?", "I really thought Mike was different, I thought he was sensitive and smart.", "I mean, not you smart, normal non-freaky smart.", "You know, and then he just goes and has to humiliate me by writing about me on his blog so the entire world can read it.", "Yeah, really, well my friends at work found it, my sister found it, judging by my email a number of prisoners at the Michigan State Penitentiary found it.", "Nope, you know what, you might as well read it, everybody else has, go ahead.", "Oh God, I just feel so betrayed and embarrassed.", "I just want to crawl into a hole and die.", "Oh God!", "Sandwich shop.", "No, at the sub shop we were only making out.", "Really, do you think I overreacted?", "'Cause I do that, I do overreact.", "Maybe I should call Mike and apologise.", "Yes.", "You're right.", "I should just say I'm done with him.", "But I never gave the man a chance to explain.", "No, you were right the first time, this is a man who loves me, but in his own stupid way he was just trying to show people how he feels.", "No, you did better than that, you helped me see it on my own.", "I'm going over to Mike's.", "Leonard, thank you so much.", "I'm sorry I yelled at you.", "It's not your fault.", "Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him.", "But he had already moved on.", "That's what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck.", "How could he do that.", "I swear to God, I am done with guys like that.", "You know, macho, with the perfect body and the hair, and the money.", "You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice, and honest, and who actually cares about me.", "What about you what?", "Are you asking me out?", "Wow.", "No, I know, I got that.", "Yeah, totally.", "Yes.", "Yes, I will go out with you.", "Yeah.", "Why not, I mean, what do I have to lose?", "Sheldon.", "I'm sorry.", "Look, do you have a second.", "I was just wondering if I could talk to you?", "It's about Leonard.", "Well, Raj can't talk to me unless he's drunk, and Wolowitz is, you know, disgusting.", "All I'm saying is, you know Leonard the best.", "Leonard might come home, can we talk in my apartment.", "No.", "Okay, so, here's the thing.", "I guess you're aware that Leonard asked me out.", "Oh, that's nice.", "Anyhow, the thing I wanted to talk to you about is, you know, since Leonard and I have become friends, I was just... want to sit down?", "Well, choose.", "Alright, why don't you just pick one at random, and then if you don't like it you can sit somewhere else next time.", "Okay.", "Um, here's the thing.", "So, I've known for a while now that Leonard has had a little crush on me...", "Alright, yeah, I don't really know who they are...", "Yeah, I don't care, I don't care.", "The point is Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.", "No.", "What I'm saying is, Leonard might be different in a good way.", "Obviously my usual choices have not worked out so well.", "But on the other hand, if things don't go well with Leonard, I risk losing a really good friend.", "I mean, I guess he's not looking for a fling, he's the kind of guy that gets into a relationship for, I don't know, like you would say light years.", "Thank you for the clarification.", "Right, thanks.", "Not the first one I've made today.", "Sheldon, do you have anything to say that has anything to do with, you know, what I'm talking about.", "Schrodinger?", "Is that the woman in 2A?", "Sheldon!", "I'm sorry, I don't get the point.", "Sheldon, what's the point?", "Okay, so you're saying I should go out with Leonard.", "Hi.", "come on in.", "Thank you.", "So do you.", "Okay, great, listen, um, maybe we should talk first.", "Actually, I've heard far too much about Schrodinger's Cat.", "Alright, the cat's alive, let's go to dinner.", "Oh, that's very interesting.", "Yeah, but it doesn't really answer my question.", "Do you want some.", "Right.", "Got it.", "What are you doing?", "I didn't feel a draft.", "Oh, yeah, you know what, maybe we should just slow things down a little.", "No, I know, I... I know what you meant, it's just... it's only our first date.", "Or we could just wing it.", "Goodnight Leonard.", "Hi.", "Thanks.", "Sheldon, may I ask you a question?", "Alright, I heard yes, so... okay, here's my question, has Leonard ever dated, you know, a regular girl.", "No, I meant has he ever been involved with someone who wasn't a braniac?", "How is that not a braniac?", "So, do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating he'll eventually get bored with me.", "On what?", "No.", "No.", "Okay, okay, you know, I get it, Leonard has no business being involved with a waitress slash actress who felt so insecure that she lied to him about finishing community college.", "Well, he was going on and on about this college and that grad school and I didn't want him to think I was some stupid loser.", "You know, there are a lot of successful people in this country who are community college graduates.", "Right, okay look, this is between you and me, you cannot tell Leonard any of this.", "Yeah.", "What?", "Okay, look, if Leonard finds out that I lied, I will absolutely die of embarrassment.", "Oh Sheldon, please, look, I'm asking you as a friend.", "Well, yeah.", "Hi guys.", "Oh, um, you know, I think I have the dinner shift on Friday.", "You know, I'm not sure, the manager hasn't posted the schedule yet, how about I let you know.", "Also today we have a fresh caught Alaska salmon, and that's served with a teriyaki glaze and sticky rice.", "Our soup of the day...", "Sheldon, I'm working.", "Oh, look, why is it so hard for you to keep one little secret?", "Look, just forget I told you about me not graduating from community college.", "Okay?", "Okay, look, you promised me you would keep my secret so you're just going to have to figure out a way to do it.", "Hi.", "What are you talking about.", "He told you?", "Pasadena city college?", "Wow, I get it, because Dr Leonard Hofstadter can't date a girl without a fancy college degree.", "Right, but I have to have some sort of degree to date you?", "So, it's fine with you if I'm not smart."], "raj": ["It's fantastic.", "Unbelievable.", "Why?", "Smooth.", "Are there any chopsticks?", "Also, the pretty girl left.", "Ooh, she's standing very close to me.", "Oh my, she does smell good.", "What is that, vanilla?", "She's so chatty.", "Maybe my parents are right.", "Maybe I'd be better off with an Indian girl.", "We'd have the same cultural background, and my wife would sing to my children the same lullabies my mother sang to me.", "Hello.", "Sorry I'm late.", "But I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny.", "Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee.", "Well, she was upset at first, but, probably because her sister shot somebody.", "Then there was something about you and... then she hugged me.", "intoxicating, isn't it?", "Oooh.", "Blowing the gates.", "Control, shift, B!", "Oh, my God, so many goblins!", "I've got him Leonard.", "Tonight I spice my meat with goblin blood!", "Oooh, he's got me.", "He's selling the Sword of Azeroth on ebay.", "What's the matter.", "Like who?", "You might be bound by them right now.", "Also, Sheldon may be a robot.", "You could power down.", "Oh, God, Look at this buffet.", "I love America.", "Of course, but it's all Indian food.", "You can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life.", "Schmear me.", "Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh.", "Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer.", "When the smoke clears, Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.", "Oh dear.", "She didn't take my order.", "Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip.", "A little bird told us.", "Apparently you are a magnificent beast.", "Okay, if no-one else will say it, I will.", "We really suck at paintball.", "Make way for the fastest man alive.", "(Enters, also in a Flash costume.)", "Oh no!", "Or, we could walk right behind each other all night and look like one person going really fast.", "Hey.", "Sorry I'm late, but my hammer got stuck in the door on the bus.", "What?", "Just because I'm Indian I can't be a Norse God?", "No, no, no, Raj has to be an Indian God.", "That's racism.", "I mean, look at Wolowitz, he's not English, but he's dressed like Peter Pan.", "Sheldon(entering in a body suit featuring black and white vertical lines) is neither sound nor light, but he's obviously the Doppler Effect.", "Really, because I saw Peter Pan, and you're dressed exactly like Cathy Rigby.", "She was a little bigger than you, but it's basically the same look, man.", "Mmmm, by Odin's beard, this is good Chex Mix.", "Penny is wearing the worst Catwoman costume I have ever seen, and that includes Halle Berry's.", "What is your move?", "Oh, if only I had his confidence.", "I have such difficulty speaking to women.", "Or around women.", "Or at times, even effeminate men.", "Oh, that's very impressive.", "And a little racist.", "We can split it two, two and two.", "Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half, there's a billion more where he came from.", "What do you suppose she meant by that?", "We could cut it into thirds.", "That works.", "Can we please make a decision, not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.", "Uurgh.", "How about soup?", "What's happening to us?", "We're falling apart.", "I thought she was the whore of Omaha?", "I can't see him.", "I'm all out.", "There are no rules in hell!", "All I've got is a needler, and I'm all out of ammo.", "What?", "And this is Leonard and Sheldon's apartment.", "May I present, live from New Delhi, Dr and Mrs V. M. Koothrappali.", "Sorry papa.", "And over here is Sheldon.", "He lives with Leonard.", "No, no, not like Haroun and Tanweer.", "Papa, please don't start.", "Okay, that's my life, that's my friends, good to see you, say goodbye.", "What is it papa.", "The little fat girl that used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable.", "Why did you do that?", "But Papa, I'm not supposed...", "Spring wedding?", "If you don't want to meddle, then why are you meddling.", "Why are you telling me about my own culture?", "Sorry, Mommy, Papa, but with all due respect I really can't go through...", "I don't believe it.", "Excuse me, hello?", "My parents are trying to marry me off to a total stranger, what am I going to do?", "What?", "Okay, I know what I'm going to do.", "Find new friends.", "Oh dear, I am rightly and truly screwed.", "I've got some feelers out.", "In the meantime, listen to this.", "Can you believe how pushy she is?", "If I don't call her, I won't hear the end of it from my parents.", "How can I call her, you know I can't talk to women.", "Why?", "What are you doing?", "For what, making me sound like a Simpsons character?", "I didn't want to make this one.", "Great, then we'll get married, I won't be able to talk to her, and we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence.", "Where did my life go, Penny?", "One day I'm a carefree batchelor, and the next I'm married and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi.", "Is there another Penny here?", "I had such plans.", "I had dreams.", "I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astro-physics.", "But with a penis, of course.", "Ever since I was a little boy my father wanted me to be a gynaecologist like him.", "How can I be a gynaecologist, I can barely look a woman in the eye.", "You know what, I'm not going to let my parents control my future any longer, it's time for a showdown.", "Somebody give me a computer with a webcam.", "And it's about to tell my parents that I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta.", "Haven't you been listening to me, I cannot talk to women.", "You're right.", "I... I am talking to you.", "Hello Penny, how are you?", "Okay, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the grasshopper.", "It's a sweet green miracle.", "Overdo what?", "Happiness?", "Freedom?", "This warm glow inside of me that promises everything is going to be all hunky donkey?", "Okay.", "I can't believe I'm sitting here next to little Lalita Gupta.", "Little Lalita.", "That's kind of fun to say.", "Little Lalita, Little Lalita, Little Lalita, you should try it.", "You have lost so much weight!", "That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat!", "Do you remember?", "Of course you do.", "Who could forget being that fat?", "So you're a dental student?", "Hmm, are you aware that dentists have an extremely high suicide rate?", "Not as high as, say, air traffic controllers, but then there are far more dentists than air traffic controllers, so in pure numbers you're still winning.", "Hey guys.", "This is Lalita Gupta, Lalita this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Penny.", "Isn't it great, she isn't fat any more!", "But you're a dentist, he's nuts.", "Back off Sheldon.", "If you do not stop hitting on my lady you will feel the full extent of my wrath.", "You are my lady.", "Our parents said so.", "We are for all intents and purposes one hundred percent hooked up.", "Oh, screw Princess Punchali.", "But you're not Princess Punchali.", "What just happened?", "Maybe you should keep your eye on the ball, Papa.", "But he's right, Papa, listen to him.", "(Sheldon enters) You!", "You are the one who ruined everything!", "Go ahead, tell my parents why they won't have any grandchildren.", "This has nothing to do with my sperm count.", "Yes Mommy.", "Can we please stop talking about my testicles?", "Sheldon, tell them what you did.", "Sorry?", "That's all you can say is sorry?", "I'm not an alcoholic.", "It was just this one time, Papa, I swear.", "But Papa, please....", "Please wait until I get into the hall.", "Go for stereo.", "I don't want to be in a jar.", "I want my brain in an android body.", "Eight feet tall and ripped.", "I suppose you could have your android penis circumcised.", "But that's something your Rabbi would have to discuss with the manufacturers.", "Hoo-hoo-hoo.", "The only thing missing from that insult was \"yo mamma.\"", "Somebody got the whole thing on a cell phone and put it on youtube.", "Why not?", "Oh, too bad.", "I've always wanted to go to Long Beach.", "Sounds fun.", "Shotgun.", "Here we go, ten and a half hours of apey goodness.", "Well if you leave now, you can be back before the gorillas rip the crap out of Charlton Heston.", "How about Lasic?", "Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon, or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?", "The living room appears to be empty.", "No way, Jose.", "The... the picture's breaking up.", "Do you know what he did.", "He watched me work for ten minutes, and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me.", "As it turns out, yes.", "Well, what if something were to happen to this boy so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?", "We can't send him back to North Korea.", "He knows how to get out.", "She was sleeping with you?", "It's possible she may have misunderstood us.", "Oh, yes.", "There was a very official email that was sent to everyone whose insurance files indicated they had daughters between the ages of 14 and 16.", "Thank you.", "We need a social catalyst.", "Okay.", "How about that one.", "Are you crying?", "Okay, uh, how about her?", "Okay, so not her either.", "How about her?", "I can't talk to her, you do it.", "You know, if we were in India this would be simpler.", "Five minutes with her dad, twenty goats and a laptop and we'd be done.", "Alright, why don't we do it your way then?", "We'll arrange for this girl to move in across the hall from Dennis so he can pathetically moon over her for months on end.", "You started it, dude.", "Unbelievable.", "Forget the mission, how did that little yutz get a girl on his own?", "Maybe we're too smart.", "So smart it's offputting.", "Hey, look at that.", "(There is a group of youngsters on the grass, laying about.", "One is playing a guitar.", "Dennis Kim is among them.", "He is drinking something from a bottle in a brown paper bag.)", "It's Dennis Kim.", "I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.", "How come on Star Trek everybody's private parts are the same.", "No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk, hey, get your thing out of my nose.", "Okay.", "First order of physics bowl business.", "We need a truly kick-ass team name.", "Suggestions.", "I like it.", "Then we can be the Bengal Tigers.", "Maybe so.", "But you can't incinerate a Bengal Tiger with a magnifying glass.", "He's using psychological warfare.", "We must reply in kind.", "I say we wait until he looks at us, then laugh like, yes, you are a smart and strong competitor, but we are also smart and strong and we have a reasonable chance of defeating you.", "Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!", "Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!", "You know who's apparently very smart, is the girl who played TV's Blossom.", "She got a PhD in neuroscience or something.", "How about the girl from the Wonder Years?", "Why?", "Because you slept together and when she was done with you she discarded you like last night's chutney?", "Yeah.", "Sack up, dude.", "Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.", "Sheldon can suck on, the Casimir Effect.", "Holy crap.", "What did they give you?", "Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie.", "Did you see it, it's rough.", "It's only $800?", "Fifteen seconds.", "Ten, nine, eight...", "Five.", "Four.", "Three.", "Two.", "One.", "Congratulations, you are the proud owner of a miniature time machine.", "A time share time machine?", "I'm in.", "Sheldon?", "Did the listing actually say miniature?", "Cocktain shrimp are $12.50.", "I can't feel my fingers, hurry up.", "Sheldon?", "If my fingers ever work again, I've got a job for the middle one.", "In a minute.", "Howard stepped outside to throw up.", "Oh yeah.", "The guy who lives next to me is always like, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony, I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony.", "But wait until I tell him, I've got a time machine on my balcony.", "Stuff that in your speedos, Jacuzzi Bob!", "He's got a point.", "I still want it on my balcony.", "I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis.", "Twice a month.", "Okay, every other month.", "Also, since the time machine doesn't move in space, you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena.", "Mrs Bell was deaf, she's not even going to hear you knock.", "Ooh, how far into the future?", "My turn.", "We brought food.", "Why?", "I'll give you a hundred dollars, which will make me half owner, and we'll put it on my balcony.", "Dude, everyone knows a time machine loses half its value the minute you drive it off the lot.", "Three hundred, and I'll throw in my original 1979 Mattel Millenium Falcon with real light speed sound effects.", "More importantly, you've a Darth Vader voice changer?", "Oh, I call dibs on the Golden Age Flash.", "Too bad, I called dibs.", "I can and I did, look up dibs on Wikipedia.", "Why Larry?", "Did Larry call dibs?", "I'll match it, plus a thousand rupees.", "None of your business.", "Take it or leave it.", "Okay, Leonard, put down the box, let's talk.", "Psh, what a bunch of crybabies.", "No guts, no glory man.", "We are testing a new medication for social anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia and obsessive compulsive disorder.", "Why would they be looking for test subjects here?", "Hey, guess what.", "I've been accepted as a test subject for a new miracle drug to overcome pathological shyness.", "Yes, I'm very hopeful.", "Hello Missy.", "(He waves his hand.", "It keeps waving.)", "They mentioned there may be side effects.", "So, Missy.", "Have you ever met a man from the exotic subcontinent of India?", "Ah yes, Dr Patel, good man.", "A hog?", "You have a two cylinder scooter with a basket on the front.", "Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?", "The Indian sex book.", "In other words if you wonder wonder who wrote the book of love, it was us.", "Missy, do you enjoy pajamas?", "We Indians invented them.", "You're welcome.", "Why should I back off, you back off dude.", "Hey, look at me, I don't have a foreskin.", "I am Shiva the destroyer, I will have the woman!", "Excuse me, but I think you're missing a big opportunity here.", "Everybody knows genetic diversity produces the strongest offspring.", "Why not put a little mocha in the family latte.", "She's not hiding.", "She needed privacy to call her grandmother who's apparently very sick.", "Oh, and then I believe she has to wash her hair.", "Don't start with me dude.", "Thank you.", "I apprec....", "(looks panicked) apprec....", "appreeee....", "oh-oh.", "Keebler Elf?", "I've got your Keebler Elf right here.", "(Strains to push Sheldon's arm down.", "Tries using both hands, still with no effect.)", "Okay, it's a stalemate.", "Dude!", "Everybody left an hour ago!", "Surprise!", "Okay Leonard, here I am at your birthday party, I don't know where you are dude, but it's really kick-ass.", "Everyone is very very drunk, and uh... (girl pours booze into his mouth) Oh look, there's a girl taking her shirt off.", "Oh sweet Krishna, shake it, that-a rupee maker.", "Hey, look, I found an iPod.", "What else?", "Sell it on ebay as slightly used.", "Sure.", "Tell us again how you screwed up and got Penny back together with her old boyfriend.", "Enslaved by warlocks, stay here till you roll 2, 4 or 6...7", "Incredible.", "You managed to screw up the screw-up.", "He's coming.", "Screen saver.", "Dude, she said she wants to slow things down.", "You being the fish.", "They also don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate.", "Sadly, that's my home run swing.", "Nice close up, by the way.", "And the worst sign of all is, you're here and not there.", "He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.", "We just got back from that exhibit of those plasticised human cadavers.", "What did you do?", "Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?", "Did you take a band aid off in front of him?", "Adjust the thermostat, cook with cilantro, pronounce the T in often?", "Well, we all knew this day was coming.", "Well you can't stay with me, I have a teeny tiny apartment.", "I hate trains.", "Sixty years.", "Used to be a watch factory.", "What?", "Not until now.", "Well, if you're not comfortable staying here, Sheldon...", "Terrific.", "Yes, isn't she an amazing actress.", "How dare you.", "Aishwarya Rai is a Goddess.", "By comparison Madhuri Dixit is a leprous prostitute."], "leonard": ["Agreed, what's your point?", "Excuse me?", "One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabakov, twenty-six across is MCM, fourteen down is... move your finger... phylum, which makes fourteen across Port-au-Prince.", "See, Papa Doc's capital idea, that's Port-au-Prince.", "Haiti.", "Yes.", "Um, is this the High IQ sperm bank?", "Thank-you.", "We'll be right back.", "What, are you kidding?", "You're a semi-pro.", "Sheldon, this was your idea.", "A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment.", "I'm sure she'll still love him.", "Well, what do you want to do?", "Okay.", "I don't know, I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.", "Okay.", "See you.", "No.", "Not really.", "I don't care.", "Two millimetres?", "That doesn't seem right.", "Is that why they sent you to boarding school?", "New neighbour?", "Significant improvement over the old neighbour.", "Hi.", "Hi.", "We don't mean to interrupt, we live across the hall.", "Oh... uh... no... we don't live together... um... we live together but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms.", "Leonard, Sheldon.", "Hi.", "Hi.", "Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building.", "Oh, great.", "Great.", "Well, bye.", "Bye.", "Should we have invited her for lunch?", "We already watched the Season Two DVDs.", "I think we should be good neighbours, invite her over, make her feel welcome.", "Well, then that was wrong of us.", "We need to widen our circle.", "Yes, and you've never met one of them.", "I'm going to invite her over.", "We'll have a nice meal and chat.", "Well it's not difficult, you just listen to what she says and then you say something appropriate in response.", "Hi.", "Again.", "Hi.", "Anyway, um.", "We brought home Indian food.", "And, um.", "I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect.", "Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you that, uh, a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about.", "Uh, yes.", "Great.", "Okay, well, make yourself at home.", "You're very welcome.", "I have a board.", "If you like boards, this is my board.", "What?", "At least I didn't have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out.", "In what universe?", "Here we go.", "Just sit somewhere else.", "Sheldon, sit!", "Well this is nice.", "We don't have a lot of company over.", "Yes I now, but...", "Yes, I remember.", "I'm sorry.", "I said I'm sorry.", "Yeah, it's like regular boggle but, in Klingon.", "That's probably enough about us, tell us about you.", "I think what Sheldon's trying to say, is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess.", "Wu-uh, do you have some sort of a job?", "Oh, okay.", "I love cheesecake.", "I don't eat it, I just think it's a good idea.", "So it's based on your life?", "Well, if that was a movie I would go see it.", "Well it sounds wonderful.", "I don't know.", "Don't.", "Should I say something?", "I feel like I should say something.", "No, it's not crazy it's, uh, uh, it's a paradox.", "And paradoxes are part of nature, think about light.", "Now if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments, but then, along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles too.", "Well, I didn't make it worse.", "Our shower works.", "No.", "No.", "It's right down the hall.", "How so?", "That's not true, remember at Thanksgiving my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode.", "The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.", "Excuse me?", "Well I'm not trying to have sex with her.", "What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me, I'm a male and she's a female?", "I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here, I'm just trying to be a good neighbour.", "That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop that I wouldn't participate.", "However briefly.", "See what?", "This is not a good time.", "That's great, you guys have to go.", "It's just not a good time.", "No.", "And she's not a lady, she's just a new neighbour.", "Uh-huh.", "I'm not anticipating coitus.", "Come on, I'll show you the trick with the shower.", "Save it for your blog, Howard.", "Uh, there it goes, it sticks, I'm sorry.", "You're welcome, oh, you're going to step right, okay, I'll....", "The hair products are Sheldon's.", "A favour?", "Sure, you can ask me a favour, I would do you a favour for you.", "Oh, I'll probably say yes.", "Wow.", "Must we?", "She asked me to do her a favour, Sheldon.", "Which is?", "That's a biological impossibility and you didn't have to come.", "Come on, you know how it is with break-ups.", "Wuh, I, I broke up with Joyce Kim.", "To mend her broken heart.", "This situation is much less complicated.", "There's some kind of dispute between Penny and her ex-boyfriend as to who gets custody of the TV.", "She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him.", "No, Sheldon, there's not going to be a scene.", "There's two of us and one of him.", "I'll do the talking.", "Hi, I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.", "What did I just....", "Uh, we're here to pick up Penny's TV.", "We're not going to give up just like that.", "Excuse me, if I were to give up at the first little hitch I never would have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang.", "Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360, we should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.", "Just grab the door.", "This is it.", "(Knocks.)", "I'll do the talking.", "I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.", "Oh.", "We're scientists.", "What?", "I'm sorry.", "Sheldon, I'm so sorry I dragged you through this.", "And you were right about my motives, I was hoping to establish a relationship with Penny that might have some day led to sex.", "Anyway, I've learned my lesson.", "She's out of my league, I'm done with her, I've got my work, one day I'll win the Nobel Prize and then I'll die alone.", "Thank you Sheldon, you're a good friend.", "We're home.", "Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory.", "No, it was a valid hypothesis.", "Really?", "Great.", "Our babies will be smart and beautiful.", "Is Thai food okay with you Penny?", "There you go, Pad Thai, no peanuts.", "Uh, I'm not sure, everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up.", "Here we go.", "Ask him for a napkin, I dare you.", "(There is a knock on the door.)", "I'll get it.", "Oh, hi Penny.", "No.", "They're not going anywhere.", "(Closes door, staying in hallway.)", "So, you're coming home from work.", "That's great.", "How was work.", "So, you sort of act as a carbohydrate delivery system.", "Yes.", "So, there's gonna be some furniture delivered?", "Yeah, no problem.", "Penny, wait.", "Um, if you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?", "One.", "(Raj raises one finger).", "Unless, Superman matches her speed and decelerates.", "Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.", "I have 26 hundred comic books in there, I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells.", "Okay, her apartment's on the fourth floor but the elevator's broken so you're going to have to (delivery man leaves) oh, you're just going to be done, okay, cool, thanks.", "I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves.", "Why not?", "We don't need strength, we're physicists.", "We are the intellectual descendents of Archimedes.", "Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the Earth, it's just a matter... (starts to move package) I don't have this... I don't have this I don't have this.", "Do you have any ideas?", "Easy, easy (package falls) Okay!", "Now we've got an inclined plane.", "The force required to lift is reduced by the sine of the angle of the stairs, call it thirty degrees, so about half.", "Exactly half.", "Let's push.", "Okay, see, it's moving, this is easy, all in the math.", "What?", "Oh, okay, uh, okay, yeah, no problem, just come up here and help me pull and turn.", "Men do things for women without expecting sex.", "I'm doing this to be a good neighbour.", "In any case, there's no way it could lower the odds.", "You okay?", "So Penny's a little messy.", "Did it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organise and label the entire world around them?", "Well they don't.", "Hard as it may be for you to believe, most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically by fibre content.", "Come on, we should go.", "What are you doing?", "Sheldon, this is not your home.", "When the transvestite lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place.", "What were you doing in his closet?", "Oh, hey Penny, this just arrived, we just brought this up, just now.", "No.", "No.", "Well, we'll get out of your hair.", "It's a joke.", "Yeah, he didn't tell it right.", "Sheldon?", "Sheldon?", "Hello?", "Sheldon!", "Are you insane, you can't just break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and clean.", "Do you realise that if Penny wakes up, there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're here?", "No, no.", "You gave me an explanation, it's reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.", "Sheldon, we have to get out of here.", "What?", "Fine.", "I accept your premise, now please let's go.", "O-o-o-oh!", "(Collapses against wall).", "Oh, what the hell.", "Morning.", "I'm not surprised.", "A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbour's apartment and clean.", "You think?", "You know what, you've convinced me, maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet.", "Yes!", "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth.", "No, I do not have a sarcasm sign.", "Penny's up.", "How did she know it was us?", "God, this is going to be bad.", "Yes, but, only to clean.", "I'm very, very sorry.", "Oh, yes, we discussed it at length last night.", "Okay, look, no Penny, I think what you're feeling is perfectly valid, and maybe a little bit later today when you're feeling a little bit less, for lack of a better word, violated, maybe we could talk about this some more.", "Sure, that's another way to go.", "You are going to march yourself over there right now and apologise.", "(Sheldon laughs.)", "What's funny?", "No.", "It's fine.", "You win.", "What did she say?", "Is she still mad at me?", "Oh.", "Um, here's the thing.", "(Reads from note.)", "Penny.", "Just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgement.", "The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognise one's mistakes.", "Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie's discovery of Radium turned out to have great scientific potential even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning.", "Another example, from the field of ebola research....", "Yeah.", "Six two inch dowels.", "One package, Phillips head screws.", "No, please, we insist, it's the least we can do considering.", "What?", "It is an inefficient design, for example Penny has a flat screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted.", "And control it how?", "Also inefficient, and might be loud.", "Oh, really, show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice and an overflow reservoir?", "Oh, I've got it.", "How about if we replace panels A, B and F and crossbar H with aircraft grade aluminium.", "Meet back here in an hour?", "Got it.", "(They all leave).", "Don't panic, this is what the last 97 hours have been about.", "Warriors, unsheathe your weapons, magic wielders raise your wands.", "Stay in formation.", "That's alright, my tail's prehensile, I'll swat him off.", "Raj, no, it's a trap, they're flanking us!", "Forget the sword, Sheldon, help Raj.", "Dammit man, we're dying here.", "The bastard teleported.", "You betrayed us for money, who are you?", "No, I can't look at you or your avatar right now.", "Excuse me.", "Oh, right, right right right right.", "Penny, the mailman did it again, he... (looks up to see Penny kissing a hunky man) Oh!", "Sorry.", "Not much.", "Bro.", "Uh, yeah, uh, I just, I got your mail again, here.", "Oh no, that's probably not such a good idea.", "Civil servants have a documented propensity to, you know, snap.", "No problem.", "Bye.", "Oh, and, bye, bro!", "(Returns to apartment).", "No, I'm fine.", "Penny's fine, the guy she's kissing is really fine and...", "What is wrong with you?", "No, I'm not jealous, I'm just a little concerned for her.", "I didn't like the look of the guy that she was with.", "Yeah.", "He was kinda dreamy.", "Well, I'm done with Penny.", "I'm going to be more realistic and go after someone my own speed.", "I don't know.", "Olivia Geiger?", "Yeah.", "So?", "Look, Howard, if I were to ask Lesley Winkle out it would just be for dinner, I'm not going to walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.", "Hello Lesley.", "Lesley I would like to propose an experiment.", "Right.", "Lesley, I would like to propose an experiment.", "Pfff, I've done it, about two seconds, 2.6 for minestrone.", "Anyway, I was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay.", "I was going to characterise it as the modification of our colleague/friendship paradigm, with the addition of a date-like component.", "But we don't need to quibble over terminology.", "There is a generally accepted pattern in this area, I would pick you up, take you to a restaurant, then we would see a movie, probably a romantic comedy featuring the talents of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.", "Heartrate, pheromones, etc, yes.", "You mean, kiss you now?", "Can you define the parameters of the kiss?", "Thank you.", "(Takes mint).", "Shall I count down from three?", "You proposed the experiment, I think you should present your findings first.", "None?", "Ah.", "Well, thank you for your time.", "None at all?", "Hey, what's going on.", "Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn't move.", "I mean any more than the 383 miles that it was going to move anyway.", "You don't know me, you don't wear my chains... God, that's a good song.", "I know what you're thinking, I've taken your asthma into account.", "There's a feline geneticist in San Diego who has developed the cutest little hypo-allergenic calicos.", "I've been thinking about names, I'm kind of torn between Einstein, Newton and Sergeant Fuzzyboots.", "Maybe, if it's a cute little cuddly cat.", "It doesn't matter.", "The woman's not interested in me, the woman rejected me.", "You're right.", "I didn't ask her out, I should ask her out.", "No, but you're right.", "I should march over there and ask her out.", "Good afternoon Penny, so hi, hey.", "Uh... I was wondering if you had plans for dinner.", "There is an inherent ambiguity in the word dinner.", "Technically it refers to the largest meal of the day whenever it is consumed, so, to clarify here, by dinner I mean supper.", "Or dinner.", "I was thinking six thirty, if you can go, or a different time.", "Really?", "Great!", "Us guys?", "They....", "might all be there.", "Or a subset of them might be there, uh, algebraically speaking there are too many unknowns, for example Sheldon had Quizznos for lunch, sometimes he finds that filling, other times he doesn't, it's no fault of Quizznos, they have a varied menu.", "Great.", "Did we say a time?", "And that's still good for you.", "Cos it's not carved in stone.", "I'll get my chisel.", "To... carve the... okay, I'll see you six thirty.", "How do I look?", "Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?", "Six thirty.", "Is it too much?", "By the way, if it should ever come up, you didn't join us because you stuffed yourself with a chicken carbonara sub at Quizznos.", "No reason.", "Oh, you know what, maybe this isn't such a good idea.", "You're right, alcohol, poor judgement, it could go well.", "You could have stopped at \"it could go well.\"", "I mean, I'm a perfectly nice guy.", "There's no reason we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner.", "Maybe take a walk afterwards, talk about things we have in common, \"you love pottery?", "I love pottery!\" You know, there's a pause, we both know what's happening, I lean in, we kiss, it's a little tentative at first but then I realise, she's kissing me back, and she's biting my lower lip, you know, she wants me, this thing is going the distance, we're going to have sex!", "Oh God!", "Oh, my God!", "I'm having a panic attack.", "If I could calm down I wouldn't be having a panic attack, that's why they call it a panic attack.", "Why?", "Okay.", "What?", "Oh, who am I kidding, I can't go through with this, you need to call her and cancel.", "Yes.", "I don't know.", "Tell her I'm sick.", "Not the kind of illness that will make her want to come over and take care of me, but nothing so critical that she'll feel uncomfortable going out with me in the future if I want to try this again.", "Give me the phone.", "I can't because if I don't show up she'll still be expecting you.", "Stop asking me all these questions, I need to take another shower.", "Oh, yeah, no.", "Turns out that Raj and Howard had to work, and Sheldon had a colonoscopy and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.", "You're kidding, well, then, that's something we have in common.", "We both have people in our lives who... want to nip intestinal polyps in the bud.", "Nothing.", "Well, with the exception of string theory, not much has happened since the 1930's, and you can't prove string theory, at best you can say \"hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency.\"", "What's new at the Cheesecake Factory?", "Good.", "Good.", "And what about your, uh, hallway friend.", "No, (waves her away) You were saying, but...", "Just say the but thing about Doug and then I'll get her back.", "Ugh, don't get me started on rebound sex.", "I'm not sure that I do.", "Um, is that one thirty-six hour experience, or is it thirty six hours spread out over say, one... glorious summer.", "Well, chafing, right?", "Of course, yeah, emotional chafing.", "Hey, do you want to see something cool?", "(Penny nods.)", "I can make this olive go into this glass without touching it.", "Yeah, I'm okay.", "Did you spill ketchup?", "I'm not okay.", "No, no, I'm okay, it's stopped bleeding.", "Yes, but I get car sick too, so...", "Sorry about your car, by the way.", "The poor guy on the bike.", "I had a nice time.", "Yeah.", "This?", "No.", "No, of course not, this was just you and me hanging out with a bunch of guys who didn't show up, because of work and a colonoscopy.", "When I take a girl out on a date, and I do, she knows she's been dated.", "Capital D. Bold face, underline, like Day-ted.", "I think I might have a little concussion, I'm going to go lay down for a while, good night.", "Awesome!", "Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?", "Interesting.", "Then I guess congratulations are in order.", "I know, I'm familiar with you.", "Yes, I was there.", "What?", "Well then we'll avoid Finkleday, we'll meet the new department head, congratulate him, shake his hand and go.", "Mahalo's a nice touch.", "Interesting, you should lead with that.", "You don't have buffets in India?", "What.", "(Sees Howard entering with a statuesque blonde) Howard brought a date?", "Here comes our new boss, be polite.", "Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts.", "Morning", "You're making eggs for breakfast?", "Huh?", "Cos it looks a lot like breakfast.", "Sounds yummy.", "I look forward to your work with bacon.", "You know, I'm sure if you just apologised to Gablehauser he would give you your job back.", "Okay.", "I'll let you get back to fixing your eggs.", "And we all thank you.", "Hey, I just ran into Penny, she seemed upset about something.", "What's with the fish?", "What happened to your scrambled egg research?", "So... fish.", "Fish nightlights.", "Mum's the word.", "Sheldon, are you sure you don't want to just apologise to Gablehauser and get your job back.", "Like luminous fish.", "Right... I didn't....", "Thank you for coming on such short notice.", "I didn't know what else to do, he's lost all focus, every day he's got a new obsession.", "(They enter the apartment.", "Sheldon is weaving on a loom.", "He is wrapped in a poncho.)", "This is a particularly disturbing one.", "Because one of the great minds of the twenty-first century is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving sarapes.", "Really, when was the last time you left the house.", "That was three weeks ago.", "Where are you going?", "Oh.", "I see.", "Sheldon?", "Your mum made dinner.", "That is a lovely story, um, are we going to do anything about Sheldon?", "Sounds like a wise man.", "A death ray?", "No, we're not, we're not, not a couple, two singles, like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that....", "are friends.", "Really?", "That's impressive.", "Hey, how did it go?", "Really?", "What happened?", "That narrows it down.", "No, no, no, no, Orcs are magic, Superman is vulnerable to magic, not to mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.", "And Orcs!", "Just get a hamburger, you like hamburgers.", "I'm sorry.", "Give him a hamburger.", "Make it two.", "Hey Lesley.", "Lesley, this is Penny, she lives across the hall from Sheldon and me.", "Lesley and I do research together at the University.", "What happened to Elliot Wong?", "Yeah, sure, why not.", "Why at my place?", "Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn't getting me beaten up enough.", "Lesley?", "No, no-oh, what are you kidding?", "Thank you Sheldon.", "What did Penny mean, you'd make a cute couple?", "If Penny didn't know that Lesley had already turned me down then that would unambiguously mean that she, Penny, thought that I should her, Lesley, out, indicating that she, Penny, had no interest in me asking her, Penny, out.", "But because she did know that I had asked Lesley out and that she, Lesley, had turned me down then she, Penny, could be offering consolation.", "That's too bad, you would have made a cute couple.", "But while thinking, good, Leonard remains available.", "How so?", "Well, what do you think.", "Thank you.", "That was fun, Lesley, thanks for including me.", "Uh, sure, why not.", "Really?", "I thought you weren't interested in me.", "You mean my cello?", "No kidding?", "Gee, uh...", "Penny?", "What about her?", "Well, I did have a poppy seed bagel for breakfast, which could give a positive urine test for opiates but certainly not dilate my pupils, so I guess there's no point in bringing it up.", "No.", "No, there's nothing going on between Penny and me.", "Yeah.", "Yeah, I guess I am.", "Yeah, yeah it is good.", "Did you want to start now?", "Oh.", "Okay.", "A little musical foreplay.", "Terrific.", "I'm good, I'm good to go.", "Hey, what's the matter?", "Are you sure?", "Oh yeah.", "But doesn't that fix the problem you've been having?", "Thank you, I'll see you at work.", "You can stare at your board all day Sheldon, she's still going to be right.", "Oh, hi.", "Pretty good.", "Pretty, very, there's really no objective scale for delineating variations of good, why do you ask?", "Sheldon!", "Wuh, I don't....", "th-th-th-that's really two different questions, uh, I'm not....", "Sheldon, we have to go!", "Thank you.", "What did she mean, she's happy for me?", "Is she happy because I'm seeing someone, or is she happy because she thinks that I'm happy, because anyone who cared for someone would want them to be happy, even if the reason for their happiness made the first person unhappy.", "You know, because the second person, though happy, is now romantically unavailable to the first person.", "You know what, I'm being ridiculous.", "But who cares what Penny thinks, Lesley is a terrific girl, she's attractive, we like each other, she's extremely intelligent.", "She fixed your equation.", "You don't believe in luck.", "Regardless, I have a chance at a real relationship with Lesley, I'm not going to pass that up for some hypothetical future happiness with a woman who may or may not want me to be happy with a woman who is currently making me happy.", "Yeah.", "Hey, Lesley.", "Brrrr.", "Why are you smashing a flash frozen banana.", "So anyway (puts arms around her) Hello.", "Just extending the intimacy.", "Do you want to slip over to the radiation lab and share a decontamination shower?", "I'm not sure, but I think I'm about to discover how the banana felt.", "Who wouldn't?", "Yeah, well, I'm just glad to be a part of it.", "So what happens now?", "Oh.", "Okay.", "Thank you.", "You want to make plans for New Years.", "Sorry.", "Doctor what?", "Wha... how did it get on the internet?", "Well, how did you know about it?", "Well, that part's true!", "No kidding.", "Your old Tuesday hamburger will be so broken hearted.", "Really?", "Oh, to be honest, I don't think it's going to work out.", "Well what did she mean by that?", "Was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?", "Are you even listening to me?", "Oh, come on, some battles you win, some battles you lose.", "I think we have to acknowledge, those were some fairly savage pre-adolescent Jews.", "Sheldon, let it go.", "You hid behind a tree yelling \"get the kid in the yarmulkah, get the kid in the yarmulkah.\"", "Hello Penny.", "A party?", "Yeah, I don't know, Penny...", "We're really more....", "But thanks, thanks for thinking of us.", "Is there a theme?", "He's asking if we can come as anyone from science-fiction, fantasy...", "Oh, no.", "We all have other costumes, we can change.", "Okay, how about this, nobody gets to be The Flash, we all change, agreed?", "I call Frodo!", "You went with Thor?", "Hey, Sheldon, there's something I want to talk to you about before we go to the party.", "No, it's not...", "Terrific.", "Um, this party is my first chance for Penny to see me in the context of her social group, and I need you not to embarrass me tonight.", "For example, tonight no-one needs to know that my middle name is Leakey.", "All I'm saying is that this party is the perfect opportunity for Penny to see me as a member of her peer group.", "A potential close friend and... perhaps more.", "I don't want to look like a dork.", "Hey, sorry we're late.", "Actually, Penny, he's Rob...", "Oh, he's the Doppler Effect.", "Okay.", "We're socialising.", "Meeting new people.", "She's not Catwoman, she's just a generic cat.", "Where do you get this stuff?", "I  want to get to know Penny's friends, I just, I don't know how to talk to these people.", "How so?", "Go on.", "Then what happens?", "This is ridiculous, I'm jumping in.", "No, you're coming with me.", "Come on.", "Yes.", "But I need a wing-man.", "Hi.", "Why don't you just tell people you're a zebra?", "Because I'm Frodo.", "Oh no.", "That's Penny's ex-boyfriend.", "If he were any bigger, he'd have moons orbiting him.", "Maybe they just want to be friends.", "Then he and I are on equal ground.", "Look, if this was 15,000 years ago, by virtue of his size and strength, Kurt would be entitled to his choice of female partners.", "Yes, but our society has undergone a paradigm shift, in the information age, Sheldon, you and I are the alpha males.", "We shouldn't have to back down.", "No.", "I'm going to assert my dominance face to face.", "Hello Penny.", "Hello Kurt.", "No, I'm a Hobbit.", "Uh, a Hobbit is a mortal Halfling inhabitant of Middle Earth, whereas an Elf is an immortal tall warrior.", "I think we're all talking to Penny here.", "Okay, I understand your impulse to try to physically intimidate me.", "I mean, you can't compete with me on an intellectual level and so you're driven to animalistic puffery.", "No, I said animalistic.", "Of course we're all animals, but some of us have climbed a little higher on the evolutionary tree.", "No, Penny, it's okay, I can handle this.", "I'm not a dwarf, I'm a Hobbit.", "A Hobbit.", "Are misfiring neurons in your hippocampus preventing the conversion from short-term to long-term memory?", "A homo-habilus discovering his opposable thumbs says what?", "I think I've made my point.", "There's not going to be a confrontation, in fact I doubt if he can even spell confrontation.", "Yeah, no, I'm fine.", "It's good, it's a good party, thanks for having us, it's just getting a little late so....", "What's that?", "No.", "Good night Sheldon.", "Hi Penny.", "I'm fine.", "It's not your fault.", "So why was he at your party?", "There there.", "Nothing, you're perfect.", "Yes you are.", "Penny?", "How much have you had to drink tonight?", "Are you sure that your being drunk, and your being angry with Kurt doesn't have something to do with what's going on here?", "Yeah, I'm a frickin' genius.", "Because if all guys were like me, the human race couldn't survive.", "Probably.", "Here, let me try.", "Call McFlono McFloonyloo.", "Heh-heh.", "So?", "We'll start now.", "Hey Penny, come on in.", "Sure.", "What's going on.", "So, if you don't like this Christie, why are you letting her stay?", "Oh, I don't think she's a whore.", "Okay, fine, we'll just play one on one until he gets back.", "Well the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.", "Great idea.", "It's the only way we can play teams.", "Penny, you are on fire.", "Well, to be fair, he is also a rather unpleasant winner.", "You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime.", "I guess for you that's an option.", "Good night.", "She's an enigma, Raj.", "She's gone, Sheldon.", "What's wrong?", "Are you sure?", "No, take the couch, or my bed, I just got new pillows, hypo-allergenics.", "Let me guess, you have a problem with this.", "It's up to you, crazy person's choice.", "Your friendship means a lot to me as well, what else?", "So?", "I'm sorry, are you suggesting that if we let Penny stay we might succumb to cannibalism?", "Penny, if you promise not to chew the flesh off our bones while we sleep, you can stay.", "I'll get you a blanket and a pillow.", "Here you go.", "Sorry about that.", "FYI, his toothbrush is the red one in the plexiglass case under the UV light.", "Well, sleep tight.", "Funny expression, sleep tight.", "It refers to the early construction of beds which featured a mattress suspended on interlocking ropes which would occasionally... sleep tight.", "What are you doing?", "Penny's still sleeping.", "I know, I know, look, you have a TV in your room, why don't you just have breakfast in bed?", "Almost 6", "Oh, no, it's 6", "Leonard.", "Penny, you're always welcome to stay with us.", "For one thing you live with your mother.", "Sheldon you just can't dictate...", "Howard, can't you see she's using you?", "We can't order Chinese food without Wolowitz?", "I see a problem.", "So, we'll just order three entrees.", "Can we get an order of dumplings, but with three instead of four.", "This isn't a substitution, it's a reduction.", "Fine, bring us three orders of dumplings, that's twelve, we'll each have four.", "If we have extra, we'll just take the leftovers home.", "Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend, if you had let me invite Penny then you would have had your fourth.", "We don't order egg rolls.", "Here's an idea, why don't we just go out for Indian food.", "Yeah, we can always divide soup.", "Well, with Wolowitz spending all of his time with your friend Christie,", "Right, anyway, uh, with Wolowitz occupied elsewhere, we had something we wanted to ask you.", "Sheldon?", "Sheldon, remember, we role-played this.", "Maybe we should have asked if we could go dancing with her and her girlfriend.", "So?", "Aaah, for God's sake, Sheldon, you are driving me crazy.", "No, I'm pretty sure my anger's with you.", "Who are you calling?", "Sheldon, think this through, you're going to ask Howard to choose between sex and Halo.", "You're right, all sex has is nudity, orgasms and human contact.", "Now, Raj, kill Sheldon.", "Well then start throwing grenades.", "That will do, Raj, straight for the tank.", "There's a sniper, use your rocket launcher.", "I thought I heard something.", "No, never mind, alright, go.", "Problem?", "Okay, now, do you really need the honorary Justice League of America membership card?", "Why?", "Hi.", "Hi!", "Yeah, we're not like Haroun and Tanweer!", "Actually, I read somewhere that it's one of the most popular programmes in India.", "I bet you're right.", "I'm not a big fan of musicals, but I love that show.", "What?", "Well, maybe we are like Haroun and Tanweer.", "Hey, I thought you were finding new friends.", "So don't call her.", "So call her.", "I'm done, anybody else?", "Look on the bright side, she might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl.", "Oh, hey.", "His mom's been saying that for years.", "What's up?", "Oh, great, well the key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition.", "Look, Penny, we'd love to help you, but Raj is going through some stuff right now.", "And besides, he doesn't drink, so... (Raj whispers in his ear) Really?", "Um, Raj is going through some stuff right now and he'd like to take up drinking.", "Thank you.", "This drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container.", "Thank you.", "Whatever you recommend.", "It's amazing.", "Um... Raj.", "Wait a minute, what's the plan here?", "Let's say he meets her and he likes her and they get married, what's he going to do, stay drunk for the rest of his life?", "You have a drink that'll make him less obnoxious?", "What happened?", "What?", "I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita.", "We all know the reason.", "Sheldon, what are you getting at?", "Beats the hell out of me.", "Doctor and Mrs Koothrappali, in all fairness, it wasn't entirely Raj's fault.", "No, I'm Leonard.", "You left with his date.", "Friends don't do that to each other.", "Take it, Raj.", "It's more than I've ever gotten.", "Hold on.", "What happened with you and Lalita?", "So you're not going to see her again?", "I wonder who's going to tell his parents they're not having grandchildren.", "I don't believe it, what's gotten into him?", "You didn't?", "Okay, the X10s are online.", "Hang on, hang on, do you not realise what we just did.", "No, no, no, you don't get it, um, Howard, enable public access.", "No, hang on, hang on.", "(The lamp goes off and on again.)", "See!", "Wireless webcams, wave hello.", "Who's running the red Corvette?", "Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?", "It's from the Institute for Experimental Physics.", "They want us to present our paper on the properties of super solids at the topical conference on Bowes-Einstein condensates.", "Okay... if I may drill down to the bedrock of my question, why did you throw it out.", "Forget the parties.", "Are there any other honours I've gotten that I don't know about?", "Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?", "Shut up, Howard.", "Sheldon, we have to do this.", "Okay, let me put it this way, I'm doing it.", "Oh, come on.", "The only reason you're the lead author is because we went alphabetically.", "Excuse me, I designed the experiment that proved the hypothesis.", "So the entire scientific community is just supposed to take your word?", "Alright, I don't care what you say, I'm going to the conference and I'm presenting our findings.", "You forbid it?", "Oh, you admit that it's our work.", "Ah!", "Not only is he still not talking to me, but there's this thing he does where he stares at you and tries to get your brain to explode.", "You know, like in the classic sci-fi movie Scanners?", "(Put's fingers to head) You know, bzzz-pchew!", "Never mind.", "How about this one.", "It says, \"I know my physics, but I'm still a fun guy!\"", "They don't, that's why I saved this one.", "Is this all stuff you want me to try on?", "Oh.", "Oh, that's the bottled city of Kandor.", "You see, Kandor was the capital city of the planet Krypton, it was miniaturised by Brainiac before Krypton exploded and then rescued by Superman.", "It's a lot cooler when girls aren't looking at it.", "Great, be right back.", "Here?", "No, I'm not shy.", "I know you won't look, why would you look, there's nothing to see, well, not nothing....", "Putting them on.", "No.", "No.", "Scientists do not compromise.", "Our minds are trained to synthesise facts and come to inarguable conclusions.", "Not to mention, Sheldon is batcrap crazy.", "Oh, careful.", "That's my original series Battlestar Galactica flight suit.", "Because it's not a costume, it's a flight suit.", "Uh-huh, it goes with my corduroy suit.", "Ah.", "Technically yes, but, if you'll notice, it's reversible.", "So it works as two.", "Yeah.", "Everything since the eighth grade.", "My last growth spurt.", "Great.", "Hey, Sheldon, I've been thinking, instead of arguing about this why don't....", "Okay, I'm leaving for the conference.", "Sheldon I didn't mean it like that.", "I don't know, I wasn't choosing my...", "No, no not at all.", "A little bit.", "Okay, I'm going to ask you one more time, we did the work together, lets present the paper together.", "Let's go.", "You're right, this side does look better.", "You're kidding.", "All?", "In particle physics, twenty five is Woodstock.", "I wasn't expecting such a crowd, I'm a little nervous.", "A joke.", "Okay.", "How about this, um, okay, uh there's this farmer, and he has these chickens, but they won't lay any eggs.", "So, he calls a physicist to help.", "The physicist then does some calculations, and he says, um, I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens in a vacuum.", "(Raj and Howard laugh.)", "Right?", "It's a classic, right?", "So, in conclusion, the data show that at temperatures approaching absolute zero, the moment of inertia changes, and the solid becomes a super-solid, which clearly appears to be a previously unknown state of matter.", "(Applause) Thank you.", "(Penny is asleep on Howard's shoulder.", "Howard is taking a photograph with his camera phone.)", "Are there any questions?", "Any other questions?", "I didn't skip it, it's just an anecdote.", "It's not science.", "You are not Isaac Newton.", "You cannot possibly be that arrogant.", "Look, if you weren't happy with my presentation then maybe you should have given it with me.", "Really, so why did you come?", "I didn't screw it up.", "I've had enough of your condescension.", "Maybe I didn't go to college when I was eleven like you, maybe I got my doctorate at 24 instead of 16, but you are not the only person who is smarter than everyone else in this room.", "No offense.", "And I am clearly not the only person who is tormented by insecurity and has an ego in need of constant validation.", "Yes.", "(To audience) My name is Dr Leonard Hofstadter, and I could never please my parents so I need to get all my self-esteem from strangers like you.", "But he's worse.", "You cannot blow up my head with your mind.", "Stop it.", "You were trying to blow up my head.", "It wasn't, it was not, you are a nutcase.", "Vulcan nerve pinch!", "You're lucky I didn't run you over.", "You're right, I'm the problem, I'm the one that needs help.", "Excuse me.", "Is there anything you'd like to apologise for?", "What?", "Oh jeez.", "Is this suit really look that bad?", "See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists, due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.", "Skynet is kinky?", "I don't know.", "Alright, oh wait, they use it to in...", "What the hell is that?", "Oh, I give up.", "Believe it or not, personal growth.", "What happened?", "No you don't.", "No he doesn't.", "Oh, congratulations, what a lucky break.", "No you don't.", "He doesn't.", "Because....", "uh, Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.", "No, it's this Friday, at eight.", "Yes, I did.", "So?", "Sheldon, are you worried about your safety.", "That's very true.", "What?", "It's two o'clock in the morning", "I highly doubt that.", "Go away.", "(Long pause).", "Are you still out there?", "What?", "What, what, what, what, what?", "Sheldon, what is it?", "What was I supposed to say.", "That would have hurt her feelings.", "Yes.", "And what would I have said afterwards?", "I couldn't say that, I would have to say, you were terrific and I can't wait to hear you sing again.", "It's the social protocol, it's what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at.", "Well now you are.", "Yes.", "Oooaw.", "This would be so much easier if I were a violent sociopath.", "(Opening door) What?", "How?", "You told her I lied, why would you tell her I lied?", "I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help.", "Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling.", "Your cousin Leopold?", "What's important?", "Do you have a cousin Leopold.", "I don't get it, I already told her a lie, why replace it with a different lie?", "Un-unravelable?", "Okay, why would I go to a drug intervention for your cousing.", "We're going to Long Beach?", "Oh, come on!", "So he goes back into rehab?", "You still told her I lied.", "I don't know.", "How am I supposed to remember all of this.", "So she's expecting me to lie about going to a symposium in Pasadena, when in actuality we're pretending to go to a drug intervention in Long Beach?", "Oh hey Penny, wow, look at you, all ready for your showcase, you look great.", "Oh, well, thankyou.", "I don't know what to say.", "Oh, okay, alright, good.", "Howard, I'm sorry... we're... we're", "I don't know what to say.", "Howard, listen...", "Well... I don't know what to say.", "Oh, another hug, thank you.", "Thanks Penny.", "No, we're not going to Long Beach.", "Because Sheldon doesn't have a drug addicted cousin Leopold.", "Wait, are we really going to Long Beach?", "Let it go, Sheldon, the murderer was the first mate whether it makes sense to you or not.", "What are you talking about, it's fine, she bought it, it's over.", "Why not?", "There is no Leo, how can you say that?", "I've got a solution.", "Get out.", "Who are you?", "Oh, God!", "Sheldon does not have a cousin Leo.", "Sheldon?", "Yeah, I got it, Sheldon, why?", "Oh...!", "Well, that's Leo.", "Hey, um, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?", "There were only two people there?", "As you can see, detoxing can get pretty ugly, let's give them some privacy.", "Sounds good.", "Gee, why wouldn't I?", "Yeah!", "Funny how things work out.", "How long is he going to stay here.", "O-o-o-o-h!", "Again?", "Just reset the board.", "Hey!", "Yeah, right here.", "How was Nebraska?", "How was your family?", "Here we go.", "Sheldon, relax, she doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious.", "Penny, you'll have to excuse Sheldon, he's a bit of a germophobe.", "You'd better go before he starts spraying you with Lysol.", "What the hell are you doing?", "With lime jello?", "I don't think so.", "Sheldon, you are not sick.", "This is, but you are not.", "Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?", "I'm going back to bed.", "What for?", "I mix pancake batter in this!", "You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make one that said urine cup?", "Huh.", "I guess I owe the Betty Crocker company a letter of apology.", "Hey.", "I'm at work.", "Yes.", "Yes.", "They asked me to come in.", "They texted me.", "No kidding?", "Alright, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.", "Drink whatever you want.", "Then make soup.", "Yes,", "Yes, they're training dogs to operate the centrifuge for when they need dogs to operate the centrifuge for blind scientists, I have to go.", "Howard, it's Leonard, code Milky Green.", "Affirmative, with fever.", "Howard, listen to me.", "No, don't, don't....", "I tried to stop you.", "You call Koothrappali, we need to find a place to lay low for the next eighteen to twenty four hours.", "Five movies, two hours apiece.", "It's a start.", "Oh, hi Penny!", "I'm... uh... at work.", "I'm... uh... in a... I'm in a radiation suit.", "What's up?", "Sheldon's at the Cheesecake Factory.", "(Into phone) Just tell him to go home.", "Uh, yeah, I'd be... I'd be happy to Penny.", "(Holds phone up, Howard makes warning siren noises) Oh my God there's a breech in the radiation unit (Raj joins in) The whole city is in jeopardy, oh my God, Professor Googenfeil is melting, gotta go, bye!", "(To Howard and Raj) I feel really guilty.", "Oh dammit, my glasses.", "Okay, I'm blind here guys, can you help me find them?", "Oh great.", "Yeah, at home.", "Hi, Penny.", "I was wondering, is Sheldon still at the restaurant?", "Okay, that was very nice of you.", "Okay, gotta go, got kind of a full blown Chernobyl thing here, gotta go, bye.", "(To Howard) He's home, I'm screwed.", "Ten and a half hours of apey blurriness.", "You want me to get eye surgery?", "I'm thinking!", "What do you see, what do you see.", "Okay, he must be in his bedroom.", "My spare glasses are in my bedroom, on my dresser, next to my Bat-signal.", "Raj?", "Well I can't do it, I can't see anything.", "Fine.", "Won't my footsteps set it off?", "Well, how do I carry it if I'm on my hands and knees?", "What?", "Then just say go straight.", "Alright (Bangs head on a trunk.)", "I just hit my head.", "It wasn't on?", "Then why did I have to crawl?", "Okay, it's on.", "I know.", "Hi!", "Well, I had to, you see what he's like.", "No!", "W-wait!", "I don't think Penny's ever coming here again.", "Yeah, so?", "If I stand, I'll vomit.", "Lay it on me.", "How about that.", "Would the new Sheldon be in any way an improvement on the old Sheldon?", "That is a problem.", "Graduate work, very impressive.", "Advantage Kim.", "Yes sir.", "A bad feeling I have about this, mmm-hmmm.", "So, Dennis, how long have you been in America.", "No kidding, you speak English really well.", "What are you talking about?", "Come on, Sheldon, we've hardly shown him anything.", "Huh, yeah?", "Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the rec centre, they've got nautilus equipment.", "Not heavy ones.", "Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the radiation lab.", "It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it?", "Something you'd like to share?", "A tale of woe perhaps.", "Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better.", "You can't let this kid get to you.", "You always knew that someday someone would come along who was younger and smarter.", "Well, what are you going to do, Sheldon, give up?", "Hey.", "Great.", "Great.", "Great.", "Okay, well, right now I'm designing an experiment to study the soft component of cosmic radiation at sea-level, but I really don't need any help.", "Yes.", "It would blow up.", "Pretty sure.", "Okay, Sheldon, I understand that you're going through a bit of a career crisis, you're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive but I need to tell you something and I want you to listen carefully.", "Go away.", "If he were, I wouldn't be.", "Is that even possible?", "Like what?", "He'll never be able to cope with the fact that some fifteen year-old kid is smarter and more accomplished than he is.", "Hang on, are we talking about murdering Dennis Kim?", "I'm not saying no.", "That won't happen, he's not interested in anything but physics.", "What?", "Howard, he's fifteen.", "It's take your daughter to work day.", "Okay, so we now have a socially awkward genius in a room full of attractive age-appropriate women.", "Does anyone else see the flaw in this plan?", "No, we can't.", "Okay, we cannot leave this to chance, lets pick a girl, and figure out how to get her together with Dennis.", "Sure.", "If he wants to spend a couple of years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat White Russians, while you're the one holding her head out of the toilet while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you, and they she gets into Cornell because you wrote her essay for her, and you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't even know you.", "I think that's our girl.", "One of us should go talk to her.", "I can't just go up and talk to her.", "Howard, you talk to her.", "Well, we're not in India.", "Okay, that was uncalled for.", "The kid got a girl.", "Yeah, mission accomplished.", "Well, why do we go home alone every night, we're still smart.", "I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch as it was for you telling the policewoman \"you have to frisk me, I have a rocket in my pants.\"", "Yeah, we really ruined his life.", "Still, I'd like to know the details.", "His mother was human, his father was Vulcan, they couldn't just conceive.", "What did you spill on it?", "I'll take a look at it.", "You're kidding, why not?", "This is our year!", "With those guys out, the entire physics bowl will kneel before Zod.", "Come on, you need a four person team, we're four people.", "Sheldon, what, do I need to quote Spock's dying words to you.", "The needs of the many.", "The ladies?", "Let's put it to a vote.", "All those in favour....", "Will the gentleman from the great state of denial yield for a question?", "After we go through the exercise of an annoying series of votes, all of which the gentleman will lose, does he then intend to threaten to quit if he does not get his way?", "I move we are the Army Ants, all those in favour?", "Yes.", "Oh, uh, he'll be okay once the women are mixed into the crowd.", "He only has a problem when they're one on one and smell nice.", "I was actually the one who noticed, okay, let's just start.", "I knew that too.", "Just ask another one.", "Sheldon, you have to let somebody else answer.", "Howard, sit down.", "maybe we should take a little break.", "Can it wait, I need to talk to you.", "Why do they say AA?", "Isn't that confusing?", "AA might mean something else to certain people.", "No, I meant....", "never mind.", "Hey, check it out.", "I got you a Batman cookie jar!", "Well, you're a friend, and you like Batman, and cookies, and you're off the team.", "Howard, Raj and I just had a team meeting.", "Yes we did, I just came from it.", "Okay, let me try it this way, uh, I was at a coffee klatch with a couple of friends and one thing led to another and it turns out you're off the team.", "Because you're taking all the fun out of it.", "Okay, let me try it this way, you're annoying and no-one wants to play with you any more.", "Thanks for the heads up.", "Yes.", "He won't say.", "He just smiles, and eats macaroons out of his bat jar.", "How exactly would that laugh go?", "Guys, let's remember that Sheldon is still our friend and my room mate.", "So nothing, let's destroy him.", "Raj, we're not getting TV's Blossom to join our physics bowl team.", "We can't ask Leslie Winkle.", "Yes.", "Fine.", "Here I go, taking one for the team.", "In the sack.", "Hey Leslie.", "Leslie, I have a question for you, and it might be a little awkward, you know, given that I...", "There's not?", "Gee, cos it sure sounds like there should be.", "That's all very comforting, but if it's okay, I'd like to get on with my question now.", "We are entering the physics bowl and we need a fourth for our team.", "She's in.", "Oh, yeah.", "You know you don't have to stay for the whole thing.", "Sheldon.", "So, is that your team.", "No, it stands for Perpetual Motion Squad.", "The Eta Meson.", "Prevost's theory of exchanges.", "What the hell is that.", "Come on, think, Leslie.", "You're never going to let that go, are you?", "Sorry, I panicked.", "Hang on.", "Sheldon, is proving that you are single-handedly smarter than everyone else so important that you would rather lose by yourself than win as part of a team.", "Go ahead.", "Sorry, somebody's sitting there.", "My Physics Bowl Trophy!", "I know someone who would disagree.", "My Physics Bowl Trophy!", "(In weird voice) \"Leonard is so smart, Sheldon who?\"", "You're right, I'm sorry.", "(In voice, waving trophy in Sheldon's face) I'm not!", "What are you doing?", "Bring it on.", "How do you know these things?", "Wait, I don't think it's Shatner.", "I don't believe it.", "Some guy is auctioning off a miniature time machine prop from the original film and no-one is bidding on it.", "No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice.", "Uh-huh.", "Yeah.", "And that's my bid.", "It was a spur of the moment thing, I figured it would go for thousands and I just wanted to be a part of it.", "Not to blow on a miniature time machine.", "Come on, snipers.", "Where are your snipers?", "Snipe.", "Snipe.", "Snipe!", "SNIPE!", "Aaaa-aw!", "Yeah, I know, I still can't afford it.", "I just assumed.", "Who sells a full sized time machine for $800?", "How are we going to get it upstairs?", "Yes but the elevator's been broken for two years.", "Come on, guys, push.", "Uh, hi Penny.", "(Raj and Howard are heard to scream as the time machine slides back down the stairs.)", "Take a break, guys!", "Oh, just, you know, moving... something upstairs.", "It's... you know, time machine.", "Uh, just give us a few minutes.", "Hey, if you wait for us to set up the time machine, I can drop you off at work yesterday.", "Time travel joke, it's not... never mind.", "Let's just do this.", "Guys, ready to push?", "Yeah.", "It is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned.", "Seconded.", "That sounds fair.", "Sheldon, you can't be selfish, we all paid for it, so it belongs to all of us.", "Now out of the way so I can sit in my time machine.", "(Sits and turns it on.", "The three lights on the front illuminate.", "All let out an \"oh\".)", "Okay, I am setting the dials for March 10th, 1876.", "So, when it's your turn you can.", "Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10th, 2328.", "Here we go into the future.", "(Pulls lever, the disk begins to spin.", "The other guys all run around the flat as if moving in fast motion.)", "That was fun.", "Are you okay?", "That doesn't sound too bad.", "Sorry.", "The lights flash and the dish spins, you wanna try it?", "So?", "Because I want to go back and keep myself from getting a time machine.", "Can I go back and prevent you from explaining that to me?", "What if I knocked you unconscious right now?", "But it would make the present so much nicer.", "What was your first clue?", "Yes I'm upset.", "Yeah, good for you.", "I don't know.", "Maybe.", "Uh, here's the thing.", "Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines.", "Thanks for pointing it out.", "Those are movies.", "Come on, guys, push.", "Uh, hi Penny.", "(Raj and Howard are heard to scream as the time machine slides back down the stairs.)", "Take a break, guys!", "Oh, just, you know, moving a... time machine.", "Don't worry baby, I've got you.", "I'm packing up all my collectibles and taking them down to the comic book store to sell.", "It's not about money.", "Terrific, does anyone want to buy my share of the time machine?", "Because I don't want it any more.", "Just... personal reasons.", "Look, do you want to buy me out or not?", "I paid two hundred dollars for my share.", "No, no more toys or action figures or props or replicas or costumes or robots or Darth Vader voice changers, I'm getting rid of all of it.", "Not for long.", "It's not a bidding war, I'm selling it all to Larry down at the comic book store.", "He offered me a fair price for the whole collection.", "Forget it guys, if I sell to one of you, the other two are going to be really mad at me.", "Sorry Raj, my mind is made up.", "Sheldon, get out of my way.", "Okay.", "I did not want to do this but, I have here the rare mint condition production error Star Trek", "No, I needed to hear it.", "Still, I think it's time for me to get rid of this stuff and... you know... move on with my life.", "Yeah.", "Thanks.", "Hey, do you want to, I don't know, later...", "My turn on the time machine.", "Sheldon, are you okay?", "It is a little big for the living room, isn't it?", "On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if the super collider actually works, it will create a black hole and swallow up the Earth ending life as we know it.", "Hey, check it out, the school of pharmacology is looking for volunteers.", "I don't know, Raj.", "Maybe the comic book store doesn't have a bulletin board.", "(Sees crowds in the corridor) What's going on?", "Sheldon's office?", "Is she lost?", "Maybe she's his lawyer.", "Howard...", "Oh, hey buddy.", "Sheldon, are you going to introduce us?", "You too, swell, also.", "So, how do you two know each other.", "Excuse me?", "So Missy, what brings you all the way from Texas?", "Woah, woah.", "If the wedding's not until tomorrow, why don't you stay with us tonight?", "Look, you're here, we have plenty of room.", "So it's settled.", "You'll stay with us.", "Hee-hee, just classic.", "Those are not mine.", "Yeah, no, I do, I use those... uh... just to polish up my... spear-fishing equipment.", "I spear fish.", "When I'm not crossbow hunting, I spear fish.", "Uh, Penny, this is Sheldon's twin sister, Missy.", "Missy, this is our neighbour Penny.", "I wasn't staring!", "Oh.", "Huh, um, maybe, if you like women who are tall... and perfect.", "I brought snacks.", "Onion dip, it's onion dip.", "We don't entertain much.", "Bye Missy, see you.", "Uh, yeah, no, uh, bye Penny.", "Excuse me, this is my apartment and she's my roommate's sister.", "How do I have Penny?", "In what universe do I have Penny?", "Hell, no!", "Sheldon, can I talk to you in private?", "Thank you.", "Sheldon, are you aware that your sister is an incredibly attractive woman?", "That's fascinating, but I...", "Alright, noted.", "But my point is that Koothrappali and Wolowitz... they're hitting on your sister.", "That's great, but I....", "Whatever.", "You have to do something about it.", "Because she's your sister.", "Okay, uh....", "oh, consider this.", "With your father gone, it is your responsibility to make sure that Missy chooses a suitable mate.", "Uh-huh.", "Exactly.", "And, you owe it to yourself and to posterity to protect the genetic integrity of your sister's future offspring.", "He's the man of his family, you have to respect his wishes.", "Say what?", "We all make mistakes, let's move on.", "Sheldon, you are really being unreasonable.", "We all make mistakes, let's move on.", "I agree.", "Sheldon's sister is hiding at Penny's because we've all been hitting on her at the same time.", "Sit down.", "If we're going to fight over Missy, let's do it the right way.", "The honourable way.", "And he's down!", "Stay down, bitch.", "Yeah, ha ha, natural selection at work.", "Hi Penny, how's it going.", "Listen, that guy Mike that you were dating, is that still going on?", "Nothing, just catching up.", "By the way, may I speak to Missy please?", "Well, since you're leaving tomorrow I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me?", "Oh.", "You have other plans, or...?", "Oh.", "Alright uh... enjoy the rest of your evening.", "Um, here's something we didn't anticipate.", "Oh, it's called trestling.", "Forget about the cake, how did you know that my birthday is Saturday?", "Oh, I don't think so.", "I don't celebrate my birthday.", "No, it's no big deal, it's just the way I was raised.", "My parents focussed on celebrating achievements, and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.", "Thank you.", "No.", "But it was okay.", "I mean, when I was little I'd think maybe my parents would change their mind, and surprise me with a party, like this one birthday I came home from my Cello lesson, and I saw a lot of strange cars parked out front, and when I got to the door I could hear people whispering, and I could smell German chocolate cake, which is my favourite.", "Oh, it was kind of like a birthday party.", "I got to see all my cousins and there was cake, so...7", "Howard, every Thai restaurant in town knows you can't eat peanuts.", "They see me coming they go \"ah, no peanut boy!\"", "Hey.", "Fine.", "Seen it.", "Oh.", "Pass.", "Look, I am in the Halo battle of my life here, there's this kid in Copenhagen, he has no immune system so all he does is sit in his bubble and play Halo 24/7.", "Not if you believe his doctors.", "No.", "Here you go, Copenhagen boy, how about a taste of Hans Christian Hand Grenade.", "(Raj enters carrying party supplies.", "Howard waves him away while in the background Leonard is heard saying \"oh, that did not feel good.\") Come on, come on, oh you clever little....", "Come on, come on, take that!", "What's the matter?", "Oh my God, why did you eat it?", "Well if I had a gun there, would you have shot yourself?", "Now?", "Alright, um, just, uh, let me get my keys.", "Hey, sorry I couldn't find a parking spot, how are you doing.", "Really, 'cos you don't look like you're swelling up at all, maybe we should just pick up some benedryl at the drug store and go home.", "Why not?", "Alright, I'll be right back.", "Excuse me, my friend is having an allergic reaction to peanuts.", "Yes he is.", "Say what you will about the healthcare system in this country, but when they're afraid of lawsuits they sure test everything.", "You know, before you got all swollen up, I actually thought you were trying to keep me out of the apartment so you could throw me a surprise party.", "There is a party, isn't there.", "Howard.", "how could I be mad?", "You actually risked your life because you cared about me.", "Alright.", "Here we go.", "My first birthday party.", "Oh, it's okay.", "Hey Penny, when, uh, when's your birthday?", "Hey!", "Why are you learning Chinese?", "If I were you, I'd be more concerned by what they're passing off as chicken.", "Oh, yeah, no, sure, go ahead.", "What's going on?", "Penny, are you okay?", "Look, I understand that breaking up with someone can be very painful....", "Okay, feel better, bye.", "(Goes back to apartment) She doesn't want to talk.", "It was Penny's boyfriend's, they broke up.", "You know what, I'm going to go back and try talking to her again.", "I'm not going to do that, Howard.", "What about \"damsel in distress?\"", "I don't care.", "She's upset, I'm going over there.", "I'm her friend, I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.", "I said I'm her friend.", "Not her gay friend.", "Hey, listen, I know you said that you didn't want to talk...", "Sorry.", "Wait, did you say wait?", "No.", "No.", "Of course not.", "I'm sorry, what were the choices again?", "Yeah, no, sure.", "Actually it's not all that easy to find.", "Okay, well, what exactly did this guy write, not that I need to know the details of your sex life, I just thought....", "never mind.", "Okay, well, you know, this isn't that bad.", "It just paints the picture of a very affectionate woman who's open to expressing her affection in non traditional locales.", "Elevators, parks, movie theatres, out of curiosity, is this subway the transportation system or subway the sandwich shop?", "Doesn't that violate the health code?", "Huh.", "Okay.", "But my point is that you have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.", "Maybe a little.", "No.", "No, no, that, that would be underreacting.", "He did break the implied confidentiality of the bedroom and, in your case, the elevator, parks and fast food franchise.", "Yes, you should, go ahead, say it.", "What is there to explain, it's all right here, it's a betrayal.", "I'm pretty sure I never said that.", "Aw, good for me.", "Where are you going?", "Oh, sure.", "Huh, maybe I am her gay friend.", "Can we please change the subject.", "Just roll the dice.", "She was mad at him.", "She was done with him, the relationship was broken beyond repair and I walked over there and I fixed it!", "Just eat your tangerine chicken.", "I'm back.", "What happened?", "Yeah, I know, I know that part.", "Already, that was quick.", "Oh, Penny, I am so sorry.", "Oh, well, you know, you did throw an 8 gig iPod... yeah, no, how could he do that.", "Yeah, that must get old quick.", "What about me?", "What about if you went out with me?", "Um... yes... I am... asking you out.", "I was just going off your comment about the nice guy...", "...thing and honest but, it's no big deal...", "Yes what?", "Really?", "Yeah.", "That's the spirit.", "Two seats right there.", "Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake.", "No, it's about Penny.", "I don't think I can go out with her tonight.", "Other people would say \"why not?\"", "I'm going to talk anyway.", "Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny, I'm not excited, I'm nauseous.", "Right.", "Sheldon, this date is probably my one chance with Penny, what happens if I blow it.", "You're not helping.", "Tell me whether or not to go through with the date.", "Wow, that's brilliant.", "Hi.", "Thank you.", "You look very nice.", "I made an eight o'clock reservation.", "Oh.", "Okay.", "But before you say anything, have you ever heard of Schrodinger's Cat?", "So you see, what you're eating is not technically yoghurt, because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures.", "It's really just iced milk with carragenin added for thickness.", "It's also not pink and has no berries.", "What was your question again?", "Oh, right, no, I'm lactose intolerant.", "So, gas.", "There was a draft.", "Why don't we just go into your....", "No, no, I didn't mean to go into your apartment to... go fast.", "Yeah, okay, sure, no problem, why don't we just figure out where we're going, and when we want to get there, and then rate of speed equals distance over time.", "Solve for R.", "That might work too.", "Bite me.", "Sheldon, how could you just sit there and let them spy on me?", "What are you talking about, the date went fine.", "Okay, so, she said she wants to slow things down.", "It's like saying \"I'm really enjoying this meal, I'm going to slow down and savour it.\"", "I'm not the fish.", "Well, we sort of decided to wing it.", "Okay, alright, let's assume your hypothesis.", "We went to dinner, we talked, we laughed, we kissed, where could I have possibly gone wrong.", "I didn't say anything like that.", "Look, everything went fine.", "I didn't even have to refer to my impromptu conversation starters.", "The woman across the hall is into me.", "That's not a bad sign.", "I'm not there because I'm taking things slow.", "Which, by the way, compared to you guys approaches warp speed.", "And take down that camera.", "You could be Batman?", "Hey.", "Hey, Penny, if you're not doing anything Friday night I thought maybe we could go and see a movie.", "What about Saturday?", "Great.", "So you just let me know when you know.", "So... (she leaves) Oh God, I am the bad fish!", "What did I do wrong?", "What does that mean?", "No I didn't.", "What's going on with you?", "What's wrong with your face?", "What?", "Good day?", "What do you mean, you're moving out?", "Why?", "Yeah, there kind of does.", "I'm still confused.", "It's not you, Howard, he says he's moving out.", "No.", "No.", "No.", "I didn't do anything, he's just gone insane.", "That was fast.", "Where are you gonna live?", "This could work.", "What's with him?", "I still don't know why you left.", "Why not.", "You promised Penny what?", "What secret.", "Tell me the secret.", "Not that secret, the other secret.", "Dammit, Sheldon!", "You said Penny told you a secret, what was the secret.", "I promise.", "So it's nothing I did?", "It's her problem?", "Penny thinks I'm too smart for her, that's ridiculous.", "Yeah, hi, listen, I know what's been bothering you about us, and I have the answer.", "First I want to say that it's not Sheldon's fault, he tried very hard to keep your secret, if Howard hadn't drugged him he would have taken it to his grave.", "A place for fun, a place for knowledge.", "See, this man here's playing hacky sack, and this girl's going to be a paralegal.", "Well, it's really not that fancy, it's just a city college.", "That doesn't matter to me at all.", "Absolutely.", "(She slams the door in his face.)", "Okay, this time I know where I went wrong.", "(Looking up and seeing the camera) Oh bite me!"], "sheldon": ["So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed it will not go through both slits.", "If it's unobserved it will, however, if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits.", "There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a tee-shirt.", "I think this is the place.", "Leonard, I don't think I can do this.", "No.", "We are committing genetic fraud.", "There's no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring, think about that.", "I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.", "I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads, but there's some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve the area under a curve.", "I wouldn't.", "I want to leave.", "What's the protocol for leaving?", "Let's try just walking out.", "Bye-bye", "Are you still mad about the sperm bank?", "You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?", "If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimetres, most people will trip.", "No, it's true, I did a series of experiments when I was twelve, my father broke his clavicle.", "No, that was the result of my work with lasers.", "Evidently.", "Two hundred pound transvestite with a skin condition, yes she is.", "Hi.", "Hi.", "Hi.", "Great.", "Bye.", "No.", "We're going to start Season Two of Battlestar Galactica.", "Not with commentary.", "We never invited Louis-slash-Louise over.", "I have a very wide circle.", "I have 212 friends on myspace.", "That's the beauty of it.", "Chat?", "We don't chat.", "At least not offline.", "To what end?", "Hi.", "Leonard, I'm not expert here but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation, you might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.", "Well, today we tried masturbating for money.", "Actually that's my work.", "Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges.", "That part there, that's just a joke, it's a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation.", "Yeah.", "If by holy smokes you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure.", "Oh, come on.", "Who hasn't seen this differential below \"here I sit broken hearted?\"", "I didn't invent them, they're there.", "In all of them, that is the point.", "Um, Penny, that's where I sit.", "No, I sit there.", "What's the difference?", "In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration.", "In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there, and there.", "It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion, I could go on, but I think I've made my point.", "Well.", "Aaah!", "That's not true.", "Koothrapali and Wolowitz come over all the time.", "Tuesday night we played Klingon boggle until one in the morning.", "I resent you saying we don't have company.", "That is an antisocial implication.", "Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of your birth somehow effects your personality.", "That's interesting.", "Leonard can't process corn.", "You're lactose intolerant.", "What's happening.", "It took you four years to get through High School?", "You?", "No, you'll only make it worse.", "Yes.", "Yes.", "No?", "No.", "Well this is an interesting development.", "It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.", "Point taken.", "It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn't want to rip our eyes out.", "So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?", "That woman in there's not going to have sex with you.", "Oh, good.", "Then you won't be disappointed.", "Yes, but not of the same species.", "Oh, of course.", "Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when she discovers your Luke Skywalker no-more-tears shampoo?", "Leonard has a lady over.", "Technically that would be coitus interruptus.", "I really think we should examine the chain of causality here.", "Event A.", "A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower.", "Event B.", "We drive half way across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend.", "Query, on what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events?", "Ah, yes, well that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher level distal cause.", "You think with your penis.", "Oh, right, yes, I could have stayed behind and watched Wolowitz try to hit on Penny in Russian, Arabic and Farsi.", "Why can't she get her own TV.", "No I don't.", "And neither do you.", "You did not break up with Joyce Kim, she defected to North Korea.", "So we get to have a scene with him?", "Leonard, the two of us can't even carry a TV.", "Hello.", "Okay, thanks for your time.", "Leonard, the TV is in the building, we've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done.", "My apologies.", "What's your plan.", "It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.", "What do you think their combined IQ is?", "Good thinking, I'll just be the muscle.", "From the intercom.", "Tell him about our IQ.", "Leonard.", "My mom bought me those pants.", "You're going to have to call her.", "It's okay.", "It wasn't my first pantsing, and it won't be my last.", "Well you got me out of my pants.", "Don't think like that, you're not going to die alone.", "And you're certainly not going to win a Nobel Prize.", "That was a valid hypothesis?", "What is happening to you?", "Thank you.", "You're not done with her, are you?", "Not to mention imaginary.", "We can't have Thai food, we had Indian for lunch.", "They're both curry based cuisines.", "They would be gastronomically redundant.", "I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this girl.", "I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes, you're a veritable Mack Daddy.", "Since it's not bee season, you can have my epinephrine.", "You don't need chopsticks, this is Thai food.", "Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth century.", "Interestingly they don't actually put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth.", "You're not swelling, Howard.", "Hi.", "Don't take it personally, it's his pathology, he can't talk to women.", "You're kidding, right?", "You realise that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy.", "Oh no, let's assume that they can.", "Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second.", "Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel.", "Miss Lane, who is now travelling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.", "In what space, sir, in what space?", "She's two feet above the ground.", "Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement.", "It would be a more merciful death.", "Are you listening to yourself, it is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength, it is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from Earth's yellow Sun.", "Uh, a combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.", "Challenge accepted.", "(Tries door.)", "We're locked out.", "I hardly think so.", "Well, we don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength.", "Archimedes would be so proud.", "Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring.", "Exactly half.", "What's your formula for the corner.", "Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.", "You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having sexual congress with this woman?", "Yeah, those are men who just had sex.", "No we're not, no we're not, no we're not.", "Watch your fingers.", "Watch your fingers.", "Oh God, my fingers!", "No, it hurt... (looking around) Great Caesar's Ghost, look at this place?", "A little messy?", "The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy, this is chaos.", "Excuse me, explain to me an organisational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid.", "I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table's having a tiny garage sale.", "No.", "Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.", "Hang on.", "Straightening up.", "This is not anyone's home, this is a swirling vortex of entropy.", "Because it was immaculate, I mean, you open that man's closet, it was left to right, evening gowns, cocktail dresses, then his police uniforms.", "I helped run some cable for a webcam.", "No?", "No.", "Penny, I just want you to know that, you don't have to live like this.", "I'm here for you.", "Sssshhhh!", "Penny's sleeping.", "I had no choice.", "I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room, and just outside our living room was that hallway, and immediately adjacent to that hallway was... this.", "I just gave you a reasonable explanation.", "Don't be ridiculous.", "I have no peers.", "You might want to speak in a lower register.", "Evolution has made women sensitive to high pitched noises while they sleep, so that they'll be roused by a crying baby.", "If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register.", "No, (lowering his voice dramatically,) that's ridiculous.", "I am not leaving until I'm done.", "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.", "Morning.", "I have to say, I slept splendidly.", "Granted, not long, but just deeply and well.", "Sarcasm?", "Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement of Penny's quality of life.", "You don't think that crosses a line?", "You have a sarcasm sign?", "Do you want some cereal.", "I'm feeling so good today I'm going to choose from the low fibre end of the shelf.", "Hello, Honey Puffs.", "I may have left a suggested organisational schematic for her bedroom closet.", "Goodbye, Honey Puffs, hello Big Bran.", "Really more to organise, you're not actually dirty, per se.", "And snoring.", "And that's probably just a sinus infection, but it could be sleep apnoea, you might want to see an otolaryngologist.", "It's a throat doctor.", "Depending on the depth, that's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.", "(Leonard holds up a sign reading \"Sarcasm\") Oh!", "Penny, Penny, just to clarify because there will be a discussion when you leave, is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping, or do you also object to the imposition of a new organisational paradigm.", "(Penny stares in disbelief, then leaves.)", "Well that was a little non-responsive.", "That wasn't sarcasm?", "Wooh, boy, you are all over the place this morning.", "(Knocks on Penny's door.)", "I have a masters and two PhD's, I should not have to do this.", "I am truly sorry for what happened last night, I take full responsibility.", "And I hope that it won't colour your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover.", "(Penny closes door in his face.)", "I did what I could.", "His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.", "Check.", "Check.", "Considering what?", "How great this place looks?", "We could put her stereo back there.", "Run an infra-red repeater, photocell here, emitter here, easy peasy.", "Hang on Penny.", "How about fans, here and here?", "And if water is involved we're going to have to ground the crap out of the thing.", "Right, then the entire thing's one big heat sink.", "Good lord!", "Lock and load.", "I've got the Sword of Azeroth!", "There is no more Sheldon, I am the Swordmaster!", "Goodbye, peasants.", "I'm a rogue knight elf, don't you people read character descriptions?", "Wait, wait, wait, somebody just clicked \"buy it now.\"", "Wooh, I'm all sweaty, anybody want to log on to second life and go swimming, I just built a virtual pool.", "Don't forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose so you'd have an excuse to talk to her.", "Penny for your thoughts.", "Please don't tell me that your hopeless infatuation is devolving into pointless jealousy.", "Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smouldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her, and analyse the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.", "The dietician at the cafeteria with the limp and the lazy eye?", "Well, I don't think you have a shot there.", "I have noticed that Lesley Winkle recently started shaving her legs.", "Now, given that winter is coming one can only assume that she is signalling sexual availability.", "That depends.", "When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?", "Uh, let me ask you this.", "When I learn that I'm a robot, would I be bound by Asimov's three laws of robotics?", "Of course not.", "Well, no.", "The internet's been down for half an hour.", "Oh, I've seen that look before.", "This is just going to be two weeks of moping and tedious emo songs, and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats.", "I don't know if I can take it.", "Oh, good lord.", "If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide.", "(Leonard is taking supplies out of a bag) Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you.", "Leonard, listen to me...", "Leonard, do you really think you can satisfy your need for a relationship with a genetically altered cat?", "Oh, come on, Leonard!", "This is obviously about Penny.", "Okay, look, I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the centre of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.", "Nevertheless, I do feel obligated to point out to you that she did no reject you.", "You did not ask her out.", "No.", "No, now that was not my point.", "My point was, don't buy a cat.", "Oh, goody, we're getting a cat.", "Could you be more specific?", "No.", "The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely.", "What time is your date?", "Perfect, that gives you two hours and fifteen minutes for that dense molecular cloud of Aramis to dissipate.", "Not if you're a rugby team.", "Why would I join you?", "Oh, no, no, no, well now, there's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgement on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.", "Of course, there's the other possibility that this date kicks off a rather unpleasant six months of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code.", "If I could of, I would of.", "Is the sex starting now?", "Oh, okay, well then, calm down.", "Alright, alright, well, just, sit down, yes, sit down, now close your eyes.", "Just do it.", "Now try to increase your alpha-wave activity.", "It's a bio-feedback technique, it's relaxation through brain-wave manipulation, I read a paper about it in the Journal of American Neuroscience, it was a little sparsely sourced but I think the basic science is valid, I probably have it here somewhere.", "Me?", "What should I tell her.", "Okay.", "Got it.", "So I'm assuming nothing venereal.", "I'll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy and haven't quite bounced back.", "But I thought you wanted to cancel?", "Why would she be expecting me?", "So, how was your date?", "Score one for liquor and poor judgement.", "I've been thinking about time travel again.", "Put it on the back burner.", "Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I'd just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place.", "Yeah, it really takes the pressure off.", "It's time travel, Leonard, I will have already done that.", "No, congratulations will have been in order.", "You know, I'm not going to enjoy this party.", "At the last department party, Dr Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes.", "You know what's interesting about caves, Leonard?", "Nothing.", "How's this?", "Pleased to meet you, Dr Gablehouser.", "How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you've done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement.", "Mahalo.", "Do you know there are only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language.", "Well here's an interesting turn of events.", "A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.", "An actual real scientist.", "(To Leonard) How was that?", "I can't believe he fired me.", "In my defence, I prefaced that by saying \"with all due respect.\"", "Morning.", "This isn't breakfast, it's an experiment.", "I finally have the time to test my hypothesis, about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins, and its impact vis-a-vis taste.", "As do I.", "I don't want my job back.", "I've spent the last three and a half years staring at greaseboards full of equations.", "Before that I spent four years working on my thesis.", "Before that I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade.", "This is my first day off in decades, and I'm going to savour it.", "I'm not just fixing my eggs, I'm fixing everyone's eggs.", "Use new eggs.", "(There is a knock on the door).", "Oh, well this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.", "I need eggs.", "Four dozen should suffice.", "Yes, and evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free range, large, extra-large and jumbo.", "Never mind, you won't get it right, I'd better come with you.", "I'm taking a sabbatical, because I won't kow-tow to mediocre minds.", "Theoretical physicists do not get canned.", "But yeah.", "No it doesn't.", "Not unless the two doors are connected by relays, or there are motion sensors involved.", "Or the first door closing causes a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door.", "Slow down.", "Slow down, please slow down.", "Look, you're not leaving yourself enough space between cars.", "No, no.", "Let me do the math for you, this car weighs let's say 4,000lb, now add say 140 for me, 120 for you.", "Oh, I'm sorry, did I insult you?", "Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?", "Interesting.", "Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4,400lb.", "Fine.", "We're travelling forward at, good Lord, 51 miles an hour.", "Now let's assume that your brakes are new and the callipers are aligned, still, by the time we come to a stop, we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and... oh look, they built a new put-put course.", "This is great.", "Look at me, out in the real world of ordinary people, just living their ordinary, colourless, workaday lives.", "No, thank you.", "And thank you, ordinary person.", "Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes.", "Uh, yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket.", "No, this is fun.", "Oh, the thing about tomatoes, and I think you'll really enjoy this, is, they're shelved with the vegetables, but they're technically a fruit.", "Isn't it?", "Oh boy.", "Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much, what you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.", "Well then you'll want some manganese.", "That was fun.", "Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores.", "Are you sure.", "There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk.", "For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month's supply at a time.", "Well think about it, it's a product that doesn't spoil, and you're going to be needing them for at least the next thirty years.", "Well, thirty, thirty five, hey, when did your mother go into menopause?", "Oh, Penny, this is a natural human process, and we're talking about statistically significant savings.", "Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle and a 28 day cycle, are you fairly regular?", "(Penny shuts door in his face.)", "Okay, no warehouse store, but we're still on for put-put golf, right?", "I think it's her time of the month.", "I marked the calendar for future reference.", "It's an experiment.", "Oh, that was a dead end.", "Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to be.", "I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights.", "It's a billion dollar idea.", "Shhhhh!", "Oh, no, no, no.", "No, I've too much to do.", "Shhhhh!", "That's just the beginning.", "I also have an idea for a bulk mail-order feminine hygiene company.", "Oh, glow in the dark tampons!", "Leonard, we're going to be rich.", "Mommy.", "You called my mother?", "Thank you.", "I was working with luminous fish, and I thought, hey, loom!", "Mom, what are you doing here?", "I know, but why?", "This is not a sarape.", "This is a poncho.", "A sarape is open at the sides, a poncho is closed, this is a poncho, and neither is a reason to call someone's mother.", "I went to the market with Penny.", "Well then buckle up, in the next four to eight days she's going to get very crabby.", "Yes, well I'm not a child, I'm a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit.", "And I certainly don't need someone telling on me to my mother.", "To my room, and no-one's allowed in.", "I'm not hungry.", "Morning.", "It's my idea of what DNA would look like in a silicon based life form.", "What do you want, mom?", "Yeah.", "What for?", "No.", "I'm not going to apologise, I didn't say anything that wasn't true.", "Why not?", "Wouldn't have been any ass-kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.", "Dr Gablehouser.", "Um, as you know, several weeks ago in our first encounter we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, when I called you an idiot.", "And I just wanted to say that I was wrong.", "To point it out.", "Okay.", "I got my job back.", "I'm not quite sure.", "It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me.", "Thanks, mom.", "Mom?", "Is Dr Gablehouser going to be my new daddy?", "Alright, I'm moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of Orcs from Lord of the Rings, we flank the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.", "We don't eat here, I don't know what's good.", "Statistically unlikely.", "I like the hamburgers where we usually have hamburgers, you can't make the assumption that I'll like the hamburgers here.", "Can't we just go to Big Boy?", "They only have one burger.", "The Big Boy.", "Excuse me, in a world that already includes the Big Boy, why would I settle for something like a Big Boy?", "Fine, I'll have the Barbecue Burger.", "Waitresses don't yell at you at Big Boy.", "We don't.", "This is a disturbing aberration.", "He asked her out once, it was an embarrassing failure.", "Oh, I'm sorry, was that supposed to be a secret?", "Well I assume she meant that the two of you together would constitute a couple that others might consider cute.", "An alternate, and somewhat less likely interpretation, is that you could manufacture one.", "As in, oh look, Leonard and Lesley made Mr and Mrs Goldfarb, aren't they adorable.", "You're a lucky man, Leonard.", "You're talking to one of the three men in the Western hemisphere capable of following that train of thought.", "I said I could follow it, I didn't say I cared.", "I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics.", "Semiotics.", "The study of signs and symbols, it's a branch of philosophy related to linguistics.", "Just come with me.", "Well?", "What does it mean?", "Yes, but I was eleven.", "So you're saying Leonard has a girl in there.", "This is very awkward.", "Oh, yes, but there's usually planning, courtship and advance notice.", "Last time I was able to book a cruise to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse.", "I didn't have to, the dates just happened to coincide.", "Well, there's Leonard.", "(Picking up violin case) And he's either with Lesley Winkle or a 1930's gangster.", "No, no, wait, hold on.", "I don't know what the protocol is here.", "Do I stay, do I leave?", "Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?", "Hi, Leonard.", "It's me, Sheldon.", "In the living room.", "I just, I wanted you to know I saw the tie.", "Message received.", "You're welcome.", "You carry on.", "Give my best to Lesley.", "Big boy!", "(Wakes up, looks at watch, wraps self in blanket, walks towards kitchen) Someone touched my board.", "Oh God, my board.", "Leonard!", "Leonard!", "My equations, someone's tampered with my equations.", "Of course I'm sure.", "Look at the beta-function of quantum chrono-dynamics, the sign's been changed.", "Are you insane?", "Are you out of your mind?", "Are you....", "hey look, that fixes the problem I've been having.", "You did this?", "Cool?", "Uh-duh, hold on, hold on!", "Who told you you could touch my board?", "I don't come into your house and touch your board.", "Oh, that is so... so...", "Inconsiderate, that is the adjective, inconsiderate.", "I'm not staring, I'm mulling.", "I'm coming.", "Boy, you're wound awfully tight for a man who just had sexual intercourse.", "Do you realise I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?", "She's not that intelligent.", "She got lucky.", "I don't have to believe in it for her to be lucky.", "Leonard?", "I still don't care.", "You know, I think I may have misjudged this restaurant.", "I won't go out on a limb, but I think we may be looking at my new Tuesday hamburger.", "Way ahead of you.", "I was thinking of moving Big Boy to Thursdays, and just dropping Soup Plantation.", "Yeah, the name always confused me anyway, Soup Plantation.", "You can't grow soup.", "Terrific, you'll be happy to know that I plan to come here every Tuesday night for the foreseeable future.", "Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?", "You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy?", "This is a single decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double decker.", "This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.", "Of course I'm listening.", "Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah.", "You know, we were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.", "No, I want to talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.", "I was giving clear, concise orders.", "Sure, if you consider being fragged by your own troops fun.", "(To Howard) You clear space on your calendar, there will be an enquiry.", "Dancing?", "The thing is, we're not....", "No.", "A Halloween party?", "Yes, but are the costumes random, or genre specific?", "What about comic-books?", "Anime?", "TV , film, D&D, Manga, Greek Gods, Roman Gods, Norse Gods...", "See, this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting.", "I don't care if anybody gets it, I'm going as the Doppler Effect.", "If I have to, I can demonstrate.", "Neeeeoooowwwww!", "Well, what exactly do you mean by embarrass you?", "Well, there's nothing embarrassing about that, your father worked with Lewis Leakey, a great anthropologist.", "It had nothing to do with your bed-wetting.", "And you said the party starts at seven.", "It's 7", "So what time does the costume parade start?", "Yeah, so the judges can give out the prizes for best costume, you know, most frightening, most authentic, most accurate visual representation of a scientific principle.", "This party is just going to suck.", "Yes.", "It's the apparent change in the frequency of a wave caused by relative motion between the source of the wave and the observer.", "See, people get it.", "I'm confused.", "If there's no costume parade, what are we doing here?", "Telepathically?", "And that's the kind of sloppy costuming which results from a lack of rules and competition.", "Well, I actually might be able to help.", "Like Jane Goodall observing the apes, I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured, but patterns emerge, they have their own language if you will.", "Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group with the greeting \"How wasted am I?\" which is met with an approving chorus of \"Dude.\"", "That's as far as I've gotten.", "Good luck.", "Oh, I hardly think so.", "Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?", "Alright, but if we're going to use flight metaphors I'm much more suited to being the guy from the FAA, analysing wreckage.", "Hello.", "Me?", "I'll give you a hint.", "Neeeeooooowwwww!", "Close!", "Neeeeeoooooowwwww!", "Neeeeeooooowwwwww!", "I'm the Doppler Effect.", "Yes, well, I'm the Doppler Effect.", "What?", "What do you suppose he's doing here?", "Besides disrupting the local gravity field.", "Oh, snap.", "So I guess we'll be leaving now.", "You have a back-up hypothesis.", "Or maybe she wants to be friends, and he wants something more.", "Yes, but you're much closer to it than he is.", "And male partners.", "Animal partners.", "Large primordial eggplants, pretty much whatever tickled his fancy.", "True.", "Why don't you text him that and see if he backs down?", "Face to face?", "Are you going to wait for him to sit down, or are you going to stand on a coffee table?", "Given the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American education system.", "Yet another child left behind.", "Because he is neither tall nor immortal, and none of us could be The Flash.", "I'm not.", "No offence.", "If he understands that, you're in trouble.", "You're in trouble.", "Let me remind you, while my moral support is absolute, in a physical confrontation I will be less than useless.", "He's a Hobbit!", "I've got your back.", "Happy Halloween.", "(They leave) If it's any consolation, I thought that homo-habilus line really put him in his place.", "Tea.", "When people are upset the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages.", "There there.", "You want to talk about it?", "Good.", "There there was really all I had.", "Good night Leonard.", "He's not here.", "Maybe the Avenger summoned him.", "Thank you for the clarification.", "Well I'm sure he'll be fine.", "He has his hammer.", "If we're all through playing mock the flawed technology, can we get on with Halo night, we were supposed to start at eight, it is now 8", "Yes, first we have to decide if those lost six minutes will be coming out of game time, bathroom time or the pizza break.", "Oh, what fresh hell is this?", "8", "You know, I apologise for my earlier outburst, who needs Halo when we can be regaled with the delightfully folksy tale of the whore of Omaha?", "Oh good grief.", "And I cannot believe people pay for horoscopes, but on a more serious note it's 8", "One on one?", "We don't play one on one, we play teams, not one on one.", "One on one!", "Uh, no.", "The wheel was a great idea.", "Relativity was a great idea.", "This is a notion, and a rather sucky one at that.", "Why?", "Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny.", "This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve, there are myriad weapons, vehicles and strategies to master, not to mention an extremely intricate back-story.", "Mine.", "Okay, this isn't at all good sportsmanship to shoot somebody who's just respawned, you need to give them a chance to (explosion) now come on!", "Raj, Raj, she's got me cornered, cover me.", "Okay, that's it, I don't know how, but she is cheating.", "No-one can be that attractive and be this skilled at a video game.", "What?", "You laugh now, you just wait until you need tech support.", "And another thing, there's a certain ethic to the game, Penny, a well estab...", "Well she could have said goodbye.", "It's called carpal tunnel syndrome, and quite frankly you deserve it.", "Hold that thought, Leonard, a moment.", "Where do I begin?", "Well first, we don't have house guests, frankly if I could afford the rent I'd ask you to leave.", "Well, our earthquake supplies, we have a two day, two man kit.", "So, if there is an earthquake and the three of us are trapped here, we could be out of food by tomorrow afternoon.", "No-one ever thinks it will happen until it does.", "He's engaging in reductio-ad-absurdum.", "It's the logical fallacy of extending someone's argument to ridiculous proportions and then criticising the result, and I do not appreciate it.", "Okay, well since I'm obviously being ignored here, let's go over the morning schedule, I use the bathroom from 7 to 7", "I suggest no liquids after 11pm.", "Hmmph, wrong.", "Your head goes on the other end.", "It's culturally universal, a bed, even a temporary bed, is always oriented with the headboard away from the door.", "It serves the ancient imperative of protecting oneself against marauders.", "Hm!", "Yes.", "If you use my toothbrush I'll jump out that window.", "Please don't come to my funeral.", "Have a good night.", "Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6", "Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6", "Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.", "Okay, this cereal has lost all its molecular integrity, I now have a bowl of shredded wheat paste.", "Well there's one beloved children's book I'll never read again.", "I'm Sheldon.", "Oh, terrific, now we're running a cute little B&B.", "Well then, it's all settled, Christie will stay with Howard, Penny can go back to her apartment, and I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother.", "No more talking, everybody go.", "I imagine there aren't many kosher corn-huskers.", "I'm sorry, we cannot do this without Wolowitz.", "Let me walk you through it, our standard is, the steamed dumpling appetizer, General So's chicken, beef with broccoli, shrimp with lobster sauce and vegetable lo-main.", "Do you see the problem?", "Our entire order is predicated on four dumplings and four entrees divided among four people.", "Fine, what do you want to eliminate, and who gets the extra dumpling.", "Then it is no longer a dumpling, once you cut it open it is at best a very small open faced sandwich.", "He's putting his needs ahead of the collective good.", "(Pointing at waiter) Where he comes from, that's punishable by death.", "No, if we fill up on dumplings we'll need to eliminate another entree.", "And divide it how, I'm telling you we cannot do this without Wolowitz.", "Have you seen Penny eat Chinese food, she uses a fork, and she double dips her egg rolls.", "Exactly, but we'd have to if she was here.", "No.", "I'll know.", "What about the won-tons?", "It's Halo night.", "Yes.", "Penny, we would very much appreciate it if you would be the fourth member of our Halo team.", "I don't think I need to tell you what an honour this is.", "You can't go out, it's Halo night.", "You go dancing every Wednesday.", "Then it's not dancing night.", "Tonight is Halo night, it's like talking to a wall.", "Yes, but you didn't portray her as completely irrational.", "Okay, assuming we could dance, which we can't, there are three of us and two of them.", "It's the Chinese restaurant all over again.", "I assure you that cutting a dumpling in thirds is child's play compared with three men, each attempting to dance with 67% of a woman.", "Your anger's not with me, sir, but with basic mathematics.", "The only man who can restore any semblance of balance to our universe.", "No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3.", "As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapon systems.", "My point.", "It's Halo night.", "Shhh!", "I can't shoot now, I'm cloaking.", "That's why the call it cloaking, dead man.", "We said no tanks.", "And now you're out of life.", "Why did you hit pause?", "Damn you, walletnook.com.", "The online description was completely misleading, they said eight slots plus removable ID, to any rational person that would mean room for nine cards, but they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot, it's a nightmare.", "It's been in every wallet I've owned since I was five.", "It says keep this on your person at all times.", "(Knock on door) It's right here under Batman's signature.", "Hi.", "If I may, your parents probably don't consider this meddling, while arranged marriages are no longer the norm, Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children's lives.", "You seemed confused.", "It might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one's children enter the medical profession.", "What's not to love?", "I suggest you go through with it.", "Romantic love as the basis for marriage has only existed since the nineteenth century.", "Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm, and it served society quite well.", "Understandable, but there's a universality to that story which transcends ethnicity.", "No need, we have the special edition.", "This is Dr Sheldon Cooper.", "Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the Planetarium.", "Yeah, well I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet.", "Yeah, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History and, frankly, you don't have dinosaurs.", "Well I'll miss you too, bye bye.", "Okay, I know you're texting about me, and I'd really like you to stop.", "Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try, but if your research is going to have human applications may I suggest white mice instead, their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.", "With certain obvious exceptions.", "Suicide, for example.", "I'll have a diet coke.", "Fine.", "I'll have a virgin cuba libre.", "Yes,", "Yes.", "And would you make it diet?", "A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.", "Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.", "And now we'll never know.", "Sorry I'm late.", "Nothing, I just really didn't want to come.", "Virgin diet cuba libre please.", "In a tall glass, with a lime wedge.", "So, how's Koothrappali d....", "oh my Lord.", "That's Princess Punchali.", "No, no, Princess Punchali from The Monkey and the Princess.", "It's a children's story.", "When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read it to me.", "It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey, who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different.", "For some reason I related to it quite strongly.", "That woman looks exactly like the pictures of Princess Punchali in the book.", "How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?", "Forgive me your highness, for I am but a monkey, and it is in my nature to climb.", "I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair.", "You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Punchali.", "A beloved character from an Indian folk tale.", "You Indian.", "The resemblance is remarkable.", "I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair.", "I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.", "It was said that the Gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars, and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips.", "What?", "I'm not hitting on her.", "Exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Punchali led the monkeys to freedom.", "Luckily for you, she could have you beheaded.", "I could eat.", "How would I know, do you have a low sperm count?", "What did I do?", "Oh.", "Alright, noted.", "Sorry.", "And may I point out she wouldn't have asked me to go with her if you hadn't been drunk and boring.", "And boring, her words.", "Okay, well, good night.", "We ate.", "She lectured me on the link between gum disease and heart attacks, nothing I didn't already know, and I came home.", "Look at me, look at me, I've got goosebumps.", "No, we turned our stereo down by sending a signal around the world via the internet.", "Someone in Sezchuan province, China is using his computer to turn our lights on and off.", "They found the remote controlled cars.", "You may want to put on slacks.", "You know, in the future, when we're disembodied brains in jars, we're going to look back on this as eight hours well wasted.", "Not to mention you'd have to power down on Saturdays.", "Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out.", "I know.", "I read it before I threw it out.", "Because I have no interest in standing in the Rose Room of the Pasadena Marriott in front of a group of judgemental strangers, who wouldn't recognise true genius if it were standing in front of them giving a speech.", "Which, if I were there, it would be.", "Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize, is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassles on flying carpets.", "No we don't.", "We have to take in nourishment, expel waste, and inhale enough oxygen to keep ourselves from dying, everything else is optional.", "You can't.", "I'm the lead author.", "I let you think we went alphabetically to spare you the humiliation of dealing with the fact that it was my idea.", "Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was throwing you a bone.", "You're welcome.", "It doesn't need proving.", "They're not supposed to, but they should.", "And I forbid it.", "If I'm not taking credit for our work then nobody is.", "No, once again, I'm throwing you a bone.", "And once again, you are welcome.", "Uh, just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.", "Penny, just to save you from further awkwardness know that I'm perfectly comfortable with the two of us climbing the stairs in silence.", "Oh dear God!", "A little misunder....", "Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding.", "Huh.", "I don't understand the question.", "Oh.", "I hadn't thought about it like that.", "I wonder if I've been experiencing physiological manifestations of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil.", "I couldn't poop this morning.", "It's certainly preferable to my plan.", "A powerful laxative.", "Excuse me, little idea?", "Of course you didn't, he said little idea?", "In what words then, exactly", "What did he say?", "Don't you ever speak to me again.", "Have fun presenting my lucky hunch.", "Then why did you say it.", "Were you trying to impress Penny?", "How'd that work out for you?", "Libido 1, truth zero.", "And I'm telling you for the last time it's pandering, it's undignified and bite me.", "Goodbye Penny.", "(Places fingers to head to try to make Leonard's brain explode.", "Leonard leaves.)", "Oooh, one of these days, Pkshhhh!", "Doctor Sheldon Cooper here, I am the lead author of this particular paper.", "(No reaction.)", "Thank you.", "And you, sir, you have completely skipped over the part where I was walking through the park, and I saw these children on a merry-go-round, which started me thinking about the moment of inertia in gasses like helium at temperatures approaching absolute zero.", "Oh, I see, was the apple falling on Newton's head, was that just an anecdote?", "No, no that's true, gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.", "You continue to underestimate me, my good man.", "As I have explained repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds.", "No offence.", "Because I knew you'd screw this up.", "Oh, please.", "I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious.", "But it was straight downhill from there.", "So you admit that you're an egotist?", "Then I'll settle for an aneurysm.", "You hit me.", "You saw him, he hit me.", "So it was working.", "Oh we'll see about that (tries again), heads up you people in the front row, this is a splash zone.", "You could have offered me a ride home.", "I really don't understand what you're so unhappy about, you begged me to come, I came, there's just no pleasing you.", "Well that's not much of an apology, but I'll take it.", "Yes.", "I'm sorry I tried to blow up your head.", "It was uncalled for.", "Now, who would do that?", "Forget your suit, look at my arms waving, I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin.", "Okay, then riddle me this.", "Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old killer robot?", "Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.", "(Buzzing noise), too late, I win.", "I don't guess.", "As a scientist I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation, although as I'm saying this it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device rendering my response moot.", "I have a conclusion based on an observation.", "I think I know.", "I think that's a week from Tuesday at six.", "You just lied to Penny.", "And you did it so casually, no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.", "So, lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath.", "No, I imagine if you were going to kill me you'd have done it a long time ago.", "(Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Leonard...", "I need to speak to you.", "It's important.", "Yes.", "You're right, it can wait until morning.", "Never mind.", "I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle, you're in no state to talk.", "I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.", "You could have told her the truth.", "Is that a relevant factor?", "Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.", "I would suggest something to the effect of, singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree, I'd recommend you have a CAT scan, to look for a tumour pressing on the cognitive processing centre of your brain.", "Why?", "I was not aware of that.", "Oh, alright.", "Leonard.", "When we played chess earlier, you were terrific and I can't wait to play you again.", "Goodnight.", "I was analysing our lie, and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse.", "Simple.", "If she were to log on to", "Well, sir, my trousers will not be igniting today.", "(Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (Knock, knock, knock, knock) Penny, (door opens) Good morning.", "Of course I do.", "My watch is linked to the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado.", "It's accurate to one tenth of a second.", "But as I'm saying this it occurs to me that once again your question may have been rhetorical.", "Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium?", "Yes, well, he lied.", "He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it.", "Hungry?", "Tired?", "I'm sorry this really isn't my strong suit.", "To help you.", "She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me.", "Hunger?", "Indigestion, I'm sorry I'm really not very good at this.", "Anyway, Penny now believes that on Friday night, we're going to participate in my cousin Leopold's drug intervention.", "Yea, who most people call Leo, but he also answers to Lee, remember that, it's important.", "Details, Leonard, the success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details.", "No, I made him up.", "I think you'd call him Lee.", "Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent, where mine is exquisitely convoluted.", "While you were sleeping I was weaving an un-unravelable web.", "Yes, if she googles Leopold Houston she'll find a facebook page, an online blog depicting his descent into drug use, and a desperate yet hopeful listing on e-harmony.com.", "Ah, because it's in Long Beach, and I don't drive.", "No, of course not, there's no cousin Leo, there's no intervention, focus Leonard.", "We just leave the house on Friday night, and we return in the wee hours emotionally wrung out from the work of convincing Leo to go back into rehab.", "Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny ever invites us to go hear her sing again.", "For a noble purpose, to spare me the social embarrassment of having a drug-addled first cousin, which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes?", "That's the best part, you don't have to, see I told Penny that you would be embarrassed, if you knew that she found out that you had lied, so she's agreed to operate as if the original lie was still in force.", "Un-unravelable.", "Well, uh, Penny is on her way to perform in a one night showcase production of Rent, which we are unable to attend because we are going to a symposium on molecular positronium, given by Dr Emile Farminfarmian.", "Okay, sure.", "I don't see a problem with that.", "Good for you.", "It's a very nice community.", "The Queen Mary is docked there, once the largest ocean liner in the world, it's now a hotel and restaurant where they host a surprisingly gripping murder mystery dinner.", "No, no, no, Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits in front, and even then it's iffy.", "No, that's the least of our worries.", "I've been doing some research on addiction, both the biochemical and behavioural aspects, and I think there's a problem with the current version of our lie.", "Sadly, it's not.", "Substance abuse is a lifelong struggle, but beyond that I have realised that the Leo I described would not have agreed to go to rehab.", "Because Leo is a middle child.", "You didn't read the bio, did you?", "He's not just a middle child, he's the quintessential middle child, from a broken home to boot.", "Psychologically speaking, the attention he gets by rebelling even to the point of self-destruction is more emotionally valuable than the help he would get at rehab.", "Great, what is it?", "Fine.", "(He leaves.", "A moment later he comes back.)", "I've hesitated to point this out, but I must now remind you that we are in our current predicament because of your initial and totally inadequate deceit.", "I'm just trying to clean up after your mess.", "(Leonard throws a glass ornament at him.", "He just manages to shut the door in time.)", "We'll talk in the morning.", "Excuse me, we just went over this.", "As the quintessential middle child, your addiction is rooted in your unmet need for attention.", "For your information, this is all based on solid research, stick with the character profile I wrote for you.", "I'm sorry, Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld, he's a research assistant in the particle physics lab, but he also minored in theatre at MIT.", "Well, you see, while Leo would not have gone into rehab, it is completely plausible that we would have talked him into leaving the motel, and coming home with us.", "No.", "We're going with middle child, and a generic predisposition to inadequate serotonin production.", "Subtextually, of course.", "(There is a knock on the door.)", "Just have fun with it.", "(Opening door.)", "Morning Penny.", "Unfortunately, we weren't able to convince him to go to rehab.", "But we did convince him to leave the motel.", "Come say hello.", "Leo, this is Penny, our friend and neighbour.", "Don't forget his genetic predisposition towards addiction.", "There have been studies.", "How could there be a double blind study, who would be the control group.", "Your parents made the right decision.", "He's a homeless drug addict, Leonard, where is he going to go?", "Boy, you have a lot to learn about lying.", "Checkmate.", "Obviously you're not well suited for three-dimensional chess, perhaps three dimensional candyland would be more your speed.", "It must be humbling to suck on so many different levels.", "From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion.", "All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.", "Sick?", "What kind of sick?", "I don't need you to guess, I need you to know, now when did the symptoms first appear?", "Friday, was that morning or afternoon?", "Think woman, who blew their nose and when?", "Oh please, if influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear it would have died out thousands of years ago.", "Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, homo habilus would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.", "Thanks for your consideration, now please leave.", "What?", "I'm making petrie dishes to grow throat cultures.", "I need a growth medium, and someone polished off the apricot yoghurt.", "Here, swab my throat.", "Leonard!", "If I'm going to get ahead of this thing I need to find out what's growing in my throat.", "We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid Penny has introduced into our environment.", "And having never been to Nebraska I'm fairly certain that I have no cornhusking antibodies.", "When I'm lying comatose in a hospital relying on inferior minds to cure me, these jello cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance.", "Wait.", "(Handing him a measuring jug) Put this in the bathroom.", "I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.", "No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.", "It's right here on the bottom.", "Oh, dear God.", "(Shouting) Leonard!", "Leonard, I'm sick!", "Leonard!", "Leonard I'm sick!", "Leonard!", "Leonard!", "Leonard.", "Leonard, my comforter fell down, and my sinuses hurt when I bend over.", "Leonard?", "(Bends to get phone) Ow!", "Leonard, where are you?", "At six-thirty in the morning?", "On Sunday?", "Why?", "Well, I didn't hear the phone ring.", "Well, as I predicted, I am sick.", "My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2am, and I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.", "No.", "Not only that, it has shifted from clear to milky green.", "What else would I drink?", "Gasses?", "Solids?", "Ionised plasma?", "I want soup.", "We don't have soup.", "Is that a dog?", "In the lab?", "Howard, I'm sick.", "I need soup.", "I'm sick, thank you very much.", "You're a carrier.", "All these people here are doomed.", "You're doomed!", "I want soup.", "Penny, I have an IQ of 187, don't you imagine that if there were a way for me to have had soup at home I would have thought of it?", "I did not think of that.", "Clearly febrile delirium is setting in, please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for.", "Well, my mother used to make me this split pea with little frankfurter slices and these home made croutons.", "Can I get any of those with little frankfurter slices and home made croutons?", "Then surprise me.", "(Blows nose into handkerchief.", "Shows it to next table) Would you call that moss green or forest green?", "Thanks for bringing me home.", "Good.", "Good.", "Wait, where are you going?", "You're going to leave me?", "Well, of course, but, not by myself.", "Well, once.", "When I was fifteen, and spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany.", "No, visiting professor.", "Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.", "No.", "No, my mum had to fly back to Texas to help my dad because the house had slipped off the cinderblocks again.", "It was tornado season.", "And it was an aluminium house.", "Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English, when I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said \"", "Based on what happened next, I assume it means \"would you like an enema?\"", "Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.", "Agreed.", "Wait.", "Will you please rub this on my chest.", "Vaporub makes my hands smell funny.", "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.", "No, no, counter-clockwise or my chest hair mats.", "Can you sing \"Soft Kitty\".", "My mom used to sing it to me when I was sick.", "I'll teach you.", "\"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr.\" Now you.", "Little ball of fur.", "Keep rubbing.", "Penny!", "Penny, I'm hungry.", "Leonard, I'm hungry!", "I want grilled cheese.", "Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?", "I'm very congested.", "Can you go to the kitchen, and get me the turkey baster labelled mucus.", "Under the sink, yellow Tupperware bowl.", "Here's the problem with teleportation.", "Assuming the device could be invented which would identify the quantum state of matter of an individual in one location, and transmit that pattern to a distant location for reassembly, you would not have actually transported the individual.", "You would have destroyed him in one location, and recreated him in another.", "Personally, I would never use a transporter.", "Because the original Sheldon would have to be disintegrated in order to create a new Sheldon.", "No, he would be exactly the same.", "So, you see it too.", "Not bad, I myself started graduate school at fourteen.", "Excuse me, that is my research, and it is by no means a dead end.", "You can count on us, we're on it.", "What the hell do you mean, dead end.", "I sense a disturbance in the force.", "He's not wrong.", "Alright, and this is my office.", "Nope.", "Goodbye.", "Oh, alright, this is my desk, these are my books, this is my door, please close it behind you.", "Goodbye.", "Keen observation, goodbye.", "Leonard.", "Get him out.", "You think I haven't considered it?", "You really think I haven't considered it?", "Get him out Leonard.", "Yes, in fact I am the youngest person ever to win it.", "Fourteen and a half.", "Uh-uh-uh.", "Fifteen years old.", "Dennis Kim is fifteen years old, and he's already correcting my work.", "Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to... you know, that other guy.", "Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me.", "Why waste food.", "In Texas when a cow goes dry they don't keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes.", "Yes, but I assumed I would have been dead hundreds of years, and that there would be an asterisk by his name because he would be a cyborg.", "Well of course you don't, you've never excelled at anything.", "Yes.", "That's what a rational person does when his entire life's work is invalidated by a post-pubescent Asian wunderkind.", "He ceases his fruitless efforts, he donates his body to scientific research, and he waits to die.", "Hey.", "I've decided you're right.", "My career is not over.", "But, since the arrival of Dennis Kim has rendered my research pointless, I just have to find something else to focus on.", "So I've decided, I'm going to collaborate with you.", "What exactly is it you do?", "I know you chatter on about it all the time, but I've never really paid attention.", "Oh, sure you do.", "Now, see, what's this here in the schematic, is that a laser array?", "No.", "Hmmm.", "What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium neon?", "Are you sure?", "Pretty sure's not very scientific, is this how you normally work, just hunches and guesses and stuff?", "Alright.", "If you're concerned about sharing credit with me, you're name can go first... I'm going.", "So, this is engineering, huh?", "Engineering.", "Where the noble semi-skilled labourers execute the vision of those who think and dream.", "Hello, oompah-loompahs of science.", "I just came by to say hello.", "Well, up until now I've had better things to do.", "So, what are we making today?", "Really, how does it work?", "Uh, huh.", "So it's a shelf?", "Now, I notice you're using titanium, did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes, they're lighter, cheaper and half twice the tensile strength.", "And you also have a note from your mother that says I love you, bubbula.", "But neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes.", "Yes.", "Did Leonard tell you to say that?", "Huh.", "It can't be a coincidence.", "There must be some causal link I'm missing.", "Curiouser and curiouser.", "Oh, good, you're all here.", "Look, I've decided that if the three of you drop whatever it is you're working on and join me, we could lick cold fusion in less than a decade, twelve years tops.", "(They stare at him.)", "Go away?", "(They nod) Hmm.", "Could it be me?", "No, no, please, come in.", "Yeah, I think you'll appreciate this, very exciting.", "Something remarkable.", "Since my prospects for the Nobel Prize in physics have disappeared, thank you very much, I've decided to refocus my efforts and use my people skills to win the Nobel Peace Prize.", "Look, I'm going to solve the Middle-East Crisis by building an exact replica of Jerusalem in the middle of the Mexican desert.", "You know, it's like the baseball movie, build it and they will come.", "The Jewish people.", "We'll make it nice, put out a spread.", "Of course he has, the oracle told us little Neo was the one.", "You can see the Matrix, can't you.", "I really don't understand your objections, Professor Goldfarb, why wouldn't the Senoran Desert make a perfectly good promised land?", "We could call it Nuevo Cherusalem.", "Said Pharoah to Moses.", "Hey, Howard.", "You're a Jew.", "If there was another wailing wall, exactly like the one in Jerusalem, but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it?", "Okay, it's definitely me.", "Welcome Dennis Kim.", "Youngest till the cyborgs rise up!", "Don't worry, I've got this.", "Ladies and Gentlemen, honoured daughters.", "While Mr Kim, by virtue of his youth and naivety, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me.", "Thank you.", "Screw him, he was weak.", "Oh, please.", "For Vulcans, mating, or, if you will, Pon Farr, it's an extremely private matter.", "Well count me out.", "You want me to use my intelligence in a tawdry competition?", "Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary?", "Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle?", "Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?", "By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a chuppah and enter the Olympic bobsled competition.", "No, don't.", "Or the one.", "Dammit, I'll do it.", "I don't.", "Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures, thus intimidating ones opponent.", "Poor choice.", "Gram for gram, no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.", "Point of order.", "I move that any vote on team names should be unanimous.", "No man should be forced to emblazon his chest with the bengal tiger, when common sense dictates it should be an army ant.", "I will yield.", "He does.", "Of course.", "And of course, the answer is 130 adoseconds.", "And of course, the answer is giant magneto resistance.", "But I answered, it's called teamwork.", "And of course it's Gravity Probe B.", "Why?", "What do manners have to do with it?", "This is war.", "Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again?", "The objective of the competition is to give correct answers, if I know them, why shouldn't I give them?", "Oh please, you don't even have a PhD.", "Good idea, I need my wrist brace, all this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury.", "Leonard, excellent, I want to show you something.", "Just look.", "I've designed the perfect uniforms for our team.", "The colours are based on Star Trek, the original series.", "The three of you will wear support red, and I will wear command gold.", "Army Ants.", "Why would a physics bowl team be called anodised aluminium?", "Oh neat, what's the occasion?", "What?", "No you didn't.", "Okay, I don't know where you just came from, but it couldn't have been a team meeting because I'm on the team and I wasn't there, ergo the team did not meet.", "Why?", "Well, I'm sorry, is the winner of the physics bowl the team that has the most fun?", "I see.", "Well.", "At this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together, and reduce the resulting particulate chaos to tears.", "You're welcome.", "One more thing.", "It's on, bitch.", "Gentlemen.", "Gentlemen.", "Actually, I don't need a team, I could easily defeat you single-handedly.", "But the rules require four, so may I introduce, the third floor janitor, he lady from the lunchroom, and, my Spanish is not good, either her son or her butcher.", "And what about your team?", "What rat have you recruited to the SS Sinking Ship?", "Leslie Winkle?", "Yes, well, I'm polymerised tree sap and you're non-organic adhesive so, whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory, and adheres to you.", "Formal protest.", "The Velcro on my wrist brace caught on my shirt.", "And of course, the answer is Technetium.", "Lamda equals one over Pi R squared N", "A sigma particle.", "Hang on, hang on a second, that's not our answer.", "What are you doing?", "How do you know anything about physics?", "Well that's a delightful little story, but our arrangement was that you sit here and not say anything, I answer the questions.", "Hey look, now maybe you have democracy now in your beloved Russia, but on this physics bowl team I rule with an iron fist.", "(Makes fist in the air).", "Ow!", "Well it's not what he said.", "I want a different question.", "Formal protest.", "Informal protest.", "No.", "I decline to provide one.", "That's your opinion.", "I don't understand the question.", "Who?", "That trophy is meaningless, I forfeited, therefore you did not win.", "Who?", "Alright that is very immature.", "Absolutely.", "The Brady Bunch?", "William Shatner.", "Then it's got to be Patrick Stewart.", "Formal protest.", "Romulan.", "Well, this sandwich is an unmitigated disaster.", "I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and swiss on wholewheat.", "Turkey and roast beef with swiss and lettuce on wholewheat.", "It's the right ingredients but in the wrong order.", "In a proper sandwich the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce.", "They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.", "I know, it's basic culinary science.", "You bid $800.", "There's only 30 seconds left in the auction.", "I wonder why no-one else bid, this is a classic piece of sci-fi movie memorabilia.", "Need you ask?", "But I still don't understand why no-one else bid.", "I understand why no-one else bid.", "In a venn diagram, that would be an individual located within the intersection of the sets \"no longer want my time machine\" and \"need $800\".", "I've been meaning to ask you, do you think we should make a call about that?", "It's the same amount of work no matter how fast you go, basic physics.", "Yeah.", "Then I have a simple solution, go up to the roof, hop over to the next building, there's a small gap, don't look down if you're subject to vertigo, and use their stairwell.", "Oh, I never joke when it comes to vertigo.", "For what it's worth, I thought it was humorous.", "I don't know what you were worried about.", "I think it really works in the room.", "The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor from Victorian England into the post-apocalyptic future, which society had splintered into two factions, the sub-terranean Morlocks, who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface dwelling Eloy.", "Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns, but I think you'd agree that practicality dictates it remain here.", "Alright, I think we're going to need some ground rules, in addition to the expected no shoes in the time machine and no eating in the time machine, I propose that we add pants must be worn at all times in the time machine.", "Hold on.", "Bi-monthly is an ambiguous term, do you mean move it every other month, or twice a month?", "Then no.", "No.", "Wait a minute, I'd want to see that too.", "But if we all go back to the same point in time, Bell's lab is going to get very crowded, he'll know something's up.", "Oh, I have a solution, first go into the future and obtain a cloaking device.", "If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3, which will be January 10th 2328 by pre-federation reckoning.", "Time machine.", "Again, time machine.", "It only moves in time.", "It would be worse than useless in a swamp.", "Leonard, it's two in the morning.", "So it's my turn.", "Why did you set it for the day before yesterday?", "You can't.", "If you were to prevent yourself from buying it in the past, you would not have it available in the present to travel back and stop yourself from buying it, ergo you would still have it.", "This is a classic rookie time travel mistake.", "Same paradox.", "If you were to travel back in time and, say, knock me unconscious, you would not then have the conversation that irritated you, motivating you to go back and knock me unconscious.", "It won't change the past.", "Are you upset about something?", "Well, it was a number of things.", "First the late hour, then your demeanour seems very low energy, plus your irritability...", "Oh!", "I don't usually pick up on those things.", "Good for me.", "Oh, wait.", "Did you want to talk about what's bothering you?", "Wow, I'm on fire tonight.", "I disagree.", "Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine.", "That failure clearly stands on its own.", "In addition, your premise is flawed.", "In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimeaux with that very time machine.", "In Back to the Future, Marty McFly got the opportunity to hook up with his extremely attractive young mother.", "Well of course they're movies.", "Were you expecting me to come up with an example involving a real life time machine?", "That's absurd.", "It's still my turn.", "What are you doing?", "Well is that really necessary.", "If you need money you can always sell blood.", "And semen.", "My spidey-sense tells me this has something to do with Penny.", "I'll go for two hundred, that time machine stays right where it is.", "Dibs doesn't apply in a bidding war.", "What's the number, I'll match it.", "What's the exchange rate.", "Who cares, as long as you pick me.", "No.", "I can't let you do this.", "None shall pass.", "You hypocrite!", "Little Miss \"grown ups don't play with toys\".", "If I were to go into that apartment right now, would I find Beanie Babies?", "Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies?", "And who is that Japanese feline I see frolicking on your shorts?", "Hello,Hello Kitty!", "We have to get rid of the time machine.", "Yeah, that's the problem, it's too big.", "Oh no, Morlocks?", "Eat him, eat him.", "Aaaaargh.", "(Sheldon wakes up in his own bed.)", "Leonard!!!!!!!", "!", "Thank you for coming by.", "(He rises from his desk.", "Everyone rushes to look nonchalant.)", "Hello.", "Buddy.", "How can you be late, I wasn't expecting you at all.", "Oh, alright, this is Missy, Missy this is Leonard and Rajesh and you've already met Howard.", "She's my twin sister, she thinks she's funny but frankly I've never been able to see it.", "How exactly would one measure a sense of humour?", "A humourmometer?", "Rajesh.", "The papers could have been mailed, Mom just sent you here to spy on me, didn't she.", "They call me a genius because I'm a genius.", "Tell Mom that I currently weigh 165 pounds, and that I'm having regular bowel movements.", "Enjoy the wedding, goodbye.", "They were not friends, they were imaginary colleagues.", "No we don't.", "So what?", "I don't issue invitations to your mother.", "And don't ever call me Shelly.", "What just happened?", "I needed a place to fire ceramic semi-conductor substrates for home-made integrated circuits.", "Made necessary by her insistence on going into my room.", "Is that what that was?", "I just assumed that the second grade curriculum had rendered you quizzical.", "Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs, they are no more alike than any other siblings.", "I'm not ignoring my sister.", "I'm ignoring all of you.", "Excuse me, can I interject something.", "I'm ordering pizza online, is everyone okay with pepperoni?", "I guess.", "Don't worry, I was going to order you cheeseless.", "That's okay.", "Lactose intolerance is nothing to be embarrassed about.", "Hmmm?", "She certainly has the symmetry and low body fat that western culture deems desirable.", "It's noteworth that at other points in history, heavier women were the standard for beauty because their girth suggested affluence.", "I didn't say it was fascinating, I said it was noteworthy.", "Oh.", "Okay.", "You know, I don't want to criticise your rhetorical style but, we'd be a lot further along in this conversation if you'd begun with that thought.", "What I'm saying is that we took quite an unnecessary detour from what I now understand to be your thesis.", "Why?", "I don't understand.", "Yes, we shared a uterus for nine months, but since then we've pretty much gone our own separate ways.", "I hadn't considered that.", "We do share DNA.", "So there is the possibility, however remote, that resting in her loins is the potential for another individual as remarkable as myself.", "You're right.", "If someone wants to get at Missy's fallopian tubes, they'll have to go through me.", "Alright, that's enough juvenile squabbling, stop it, stop it I say.", "I'm going to settle this right now.", "Neither of you are good enough for my sister.", "You're out too, by the way.", "It's nothing personal, I'd just prefer if my future niece or nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie.", "Now that Leonard's made me aware of how high the genetic stakes are, we have to face the fact that none of you are suitable mates for my sister.", "How so?", "In principle you have a point, but as a practical matter, need I remind you that it takes experimental pharmaceuticals to simply enable you to speak to the opposite sex.", "This has nothing to do with religion.", "This has to do with the fact that you're a tiny, tiny man who still lives with his mother.", "Am I?", "Here.", "Eat this cheese without farting and you can sleep with my sister.", "Oops.", "Truthfully, I've never given it any thought, but it has been pointed out to me that you carry DNA of great potential.", "Let me explain.", "You see, I'm a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock.", "That would be you.", "But residing within you is the potential for another me.", "Perhaps even taller, smarter and less prone to freckling, a Sheldon 2.0 if you will.", "Exactly.", "Now, I am not saying that I should be the sole decider of who you mate with.", "If you're not attracted to the suitor then the likelihood of conception would be reduced.", "Not at all.", "Frequent coitus dramatically increases the odds of fertiliziation.", "I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird.", "You know, a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds.", "Of course the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death.", "Luckily for you, that's where the metaphor ended.", "I have an alternate proposal.", "You donate eggs.", "We will place them in cryogenic storage.", "I will find an appropriate sperm donor for your eggs, have them fertilized and implanted in you, that way everybody wins.", "Correction.", "Missy can date whoever she wants.", "I weep for humanity.", "Well, she might be interested to know that I have refocused my research from bosonic string theory to heteronic string theory.", "Really?", "You tell people I'm a rocket scientist?", "I'm a theoretical physicist.", "What's the difference?", "We might as well stop, it's a stalemate.", "You're beating me in tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler Elf.", "He can't eat cheesecake, he's lactose intolerant.", "What about the cream cheese frosting.", "For the record, that psychotic rant was a concise summation of the research of Bertram Forer, who in 1948 proved conclusively through meticulously designed experiments, that astrology is nothing but pseudo scientific hokum.", "It's actually based on very sound theories, his mother published a paper on it.", "It was obviously effective, Leonard grew up to be an experimental physicist.", "Perhaps if she'd also denied him Christmas he'd be a little better at it.", "Hello Penny.", "Leonard just left.", "What would we talk about?", "We've no overlapping areas of interest I'm aware of, and you know I don't care for chit-chat.", "Well alright, but I don't see this as a promising endeavour.", "I hardly think so, Leonard made it very clear he doesn't want a party.", "I think a birthday party is a terrible idea.", "I envy Leonard for growing up without that anguish.", "Year after year, I had to endure wearing conical hats while being forced into the crowded sweaty hell of bouncy castles, not to mention being blindfolded and spun towards a grotesque tailless donkey as the other children mocked my disorientation.", "Have I pointed out that I am extremely uncomfortable with dancing, loud music and most other forms of alcohol induced frivolity.", "In addition I really don't think that Leonard wants a...", "You can't do that, if you make a mark on a mint comic book it's no longer mint.", "Well of course I... oh!", "Yeah, I have an idea, let's throw Leonard a kick ass birthday party.", "The whole point of a secret knock is to establish a non-verbal signal to verify the identity of one's co-conspirators.", "Luckily for you this is not a nuclear reactor.", "That's because I didn't bring one.", "The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense.", "Let's say that I go out and I spend fifty dollars on you, it's a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, whereas you know what you need.", "Now I can simplify things, just give you the fifty dollars directly and, you could give me fifty dollars on my birthday, and so on until one of us dies leaving the other one old and fifty dollars richer.", "And I ask you, is it worth it?", "I accept your premise, I reject your conclusion.", "Oh.", "Fair enough.", "Question, how am I going to get Leonard a present before the party?", "I don't drive, and the only things available within walking distance are a Thai restaurant and a gas station.", "I suppose I could wrap up an order of mee krob and a couple of lottery scratchers.", "Yes, but they have DVD burners over here.", "Leonard needs a DVD burner.", "You mean, like a sweater?", "Is it the geometry that makes it fun.", "Okay, I see, so not a DVD burner.", "Something he wouldn't buy for himself.", "Something fun.", "Something like... oh, an 802.11n wireless router.", "What do you think.", "Because of the two additional Ethernet ports.", "He doesn't need them, he's already got a 640 connect switch", "Why?", "Penny!", "If I'm going to buy Leonard a gift, I'm going to do it right.", "I refuse to let him experience the same childhood trauma I did.", "On my twelfth birthday I really wanted a titanium centrifuge, so, you know, I could separate radioactive isotopes.", "Instead of a titanium centrifuge, my parents bought me... wow, this is hard.", "They got me... a motorised dirt bike.", "What twelve year old boy wants a motorised dirt bike?", "Really?", "Huh?", "Yeah, I suppose.", "I know everything about this stuff.", "No, no, no, no, she doesn't want that, she needs a point to point peer network with a range extender.", "It depends on what Bus you have.", "Oh, dear lord.", "Not now, Penny, this poor man needs me.", "(To woman approaching) You hold on, I'll be right with you.", "What computer do you have, and please don't say a white one?", "Okay, we don't have that in stock, but I can special order it for you.", "Yes, well, apparently neither does anyone else.", "Why?", "Good luck.", "(To assistant) By the way, a six year-old could hack your computer system.", "Yeah, 1-2-3-4 is not a secure password.", "Wo de zhing shi Sheldon.", "That's what you did.", "I assumed as in a number of languages that the gesture was part of the phrase.", "How am I supposed to know that?", "As the teacher it's your obligation to separate your personal idiosyncrasies from the subject matter.", "Why?", "Mai du lui tsa.", "My apologies Leonard, I'm only as good as my teacher.", "I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken and I intend to confront them.", "Okay, where were we?", "Not surprising.", "Penny's emotional responses originate from the primitive portion of the brain known as the Amygdala, while speech is centred in the much more recently developed Neocortex.", "The former can easily overpower the latter giving scientific credence to the notion of being rendered speechless.", "(Leonard stares at him.)", "Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk.", "I'm not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all.", "Twelfth century code of chivalry, not exactly current.", "You'd also have to be knighted for that to apply.", "Howard, I'm going to need another Mandarin lesson.", "I obviously didn't make my point with those people.", "I like tangerine chicken, I'm not getting tangerine chicken.", "Actually, I thought the first two renditions were far more compelling.", "Previously I felt sympathy for the Leonard character, now I just find him to be whiny and annoying.", "I'd love to, but I don't have tangerine chicken.", "Show me your citrus peels.", "Gei wo kan, ni jud di zi pei.", "Show me your citrus peels.", "Gei wo kan, ni jud di zi pei.", "Show me your...", "Aieee ya!", "Xia si wo le.", "A second what?", "Pair of underwear?", "Why me?", "Why not Koothrappali or Wolowitz?", "Yes, I suppose he is.", "We're not done?", "Ach, why not?", "We're already through the looking glass anyway.", "Well, he didn't actually say anything, but when he came back to the apartment he was doing a dance that brought to mind the happy hippos in Fantasia.", "Oh, I wish it were that simple.", "You see, I don't spend much time here and so I've never really chosen a place to sit.", "There are a number of options and, I'm really not familiar enough with the cushion densities, air flow patterns and dispersion of sunlight to make an informed choice.", "No, no, that's crazy.", "You go ahead and talk while I figure it out.", "A little crush?", "Well I suppose so, in the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.", "Well Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon...", "Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with.", "Would you be open to rotating the couch clockwise thirty degrees?", "The last one worked out well for Koothrappali.", "He got a free iPod.", "Oh, glare!", "I would not say that.", "No-one would say that, a light year is a unit of distance, not time.", "Draft.", "You see people hear the word year and they think duration.", "Foot pound has the same problem, that's a unit of work, not of weight.", "It's a common mistake.", "Okay.", "I think this will be my seat.", "Well, let's see.", "We might consider Schrodinger's Cat.", "No.", "That's Mrs Grossinger.", "And she doesn't have a cat, she has a Mexican hairless, annoying little animal, yip yip yip yip...", "Sorry, you diverted me.", "Anyway, in 1935, Erwin Schrodinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random time.", "Now, since no-one knows when or if the poison has been released, until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead.", "Well of course you don't get it, I haven't made it yet.", "You'd have to be psychic to get it, and there's no such thing as psychic.", "Just like Schrodinger's Cat, your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad.", "It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is.", "No, no, no, no, no, no.", "Let me start again.", "In 1935, Erwin Schrodinger...", "I can see that.", "Unless you're planning on running a marathon, choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch filled redundancy.", "A mistake involving Penny?", "Okay, you'll have to narrow it down.", "Then don't.", "Other people might be interested.", "I assumed you would.", "Ah, then your meal choice is appropriate.", "Starch absorbs fluid which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.", "You also made a common grammatical mistake, you said nauseous when you meant nauseated.", "But go on.", "Well, if we accept your premise, and also accept the highly improbable assumption that Penny is the only woman in the world for you then we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it would be that you end up a lonely, bitter old man with no progeny.", "The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers from Scooby Doo cartoons comes to mind.", "Alright, what response on my part would bring this conversation to a speedy conclusion?", "Schrodinger's Cat.", "Show me your mucus!", "Your mucus!", "This is not a tangerine bicycle.", "No.", "Don't call the library.", "Show me your mucus.", "(Leonard and Penny are seen entering, and then leaving again quickly.)", "Oxen are in my bed!", "Many, many oxen!", "Oy Vey!", "They were clever, Leonard.", "They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.", "Oh, even I know that's lame.", "Interesting, her jaws are clenched, no tongue access, clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans.", "Please, you might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement.", "Oh, hi Penny.", "FYI, the hot water is inadequate on machine 2 so colours only, and 4 is still releasing the fabric softener too early in the cycle so I'd avoid using that for your delicates.", "Oh, good Lord.", "Why don't you just take your clothes down to the river and beat them with a rock?", "I would prefer that you not, but I won't go so far as to forbid it.", "Well I assume you're not referring to digestive regularity?", "Because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate.", "Oh.", "Well, a few years ago he did go out with a woman who had a PhD in French Literature.", "Well, for one thing, she was French.", "For another, it was literature.", "That depends.", "Do you have a working knowledge of quantum physics?", "Do you speak Klingon?", "Do you know any card tricks?", "Why would you lie about that?", "You thought the opposite of stupid loser was community college graduate?", "Yeah, but you were neither.", "You're asking me to keep a secret?", "Well I'm sorry, but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret, so that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the covenant of secret keeping.", "You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis.", "Secret keeping is a complicated endeavour.", "One has to be concerned not only about what one says, but about facial expression, autonomic reflexes, when I try to deceive, I myself have more nervous tics than a lyme disease research facility.", "(Long pause.)", "It's a joke.", "It relies on the hominymic relationship between tick the blood-sucking arachnid, and tic the involuntary muscular contraction.", "I made it up myself.", "Physiologically impossible.", "So you're saying that friendship contains within it an inherent obligation to maintain confidences?", "Interesting.", "See, one more question, and perhaps I should have led with this, when did we become friends?", "I.e, I couldn't become Green Lantern unless I was chosen by the guardians of Oa, but given enough start-up capital and an adequate research facility, I could be Batman.", "Sure.", "(In a gravelly voice) I'm Batman.", "See.", "Hi Penny.", "Nothing.", "You seem to be implying an informational back channel between me and Penny where obviously none exists.", "I just think you need to be careful how you phrase things, sir.", "There's no reason to bring my looks into this.", "Good day, Leonard.", "You must release me from my oath.", "Why don't you take a minute to decide (leads her away) I can't keep your secret Penny.", "I'm going to fold like an energy based anobo protein in conformational space.", "Like a renaissance triptych.", "Like a cheap suit.", "I'm constitutionally incapable.", "That's why I was refused clearance for a very prestigious government research fellowship at a secret military supercollider, located beneath a fake agricultural station 12.5 miles south east of Travers City, Michigan.", "Which you did not hear about from me.", "Forget!", "You want me to forget?", "This mind does not forget.", "I haven't forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breast feeding me.", "It was a drizzly Tuesday.", "Leonard, I'm moving out.", "There doesn't have to be a reason.", "Not necessarily.", "This is a classic example of munchausen's trilemma.", "Either the reason is predicated on a series of sub-reasons leading to an infinite regression, or it tracks back to arbitrary axiomatic statements, or it's ultimately circular, i.e., I'm moving out because I'm moving out.", "Leonard, I don't see how I could have made it any simpler.", "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pack.", "It's my pre-packed disaster evacuation bag.", "Recommended by the department of homeland security.", "And Sarah Connor.", "Until I find a permanent place I will stay with friends.", "Excuse me, but isn't hosting guests an aspect of Menushya Yajna, one of the five central religious duties or sacrifices of the Hindu householder?", "Don't be ridiculous, you love trains.", "This is a very old building.", "Uh-oh.", "Don't you worry about the residual radium from the luminous dials?", "I can't believe I didn't bring my gieger counter.", "You know, I had it on my bed and I didn't pack it.", "I'm kidding, I packed it.", "It was a joke, I was subverting the conversational expectations.", "I believe they call that the, um, old switcheroo.", "Is that woman Aishwarya Rai?", "Actually, I'd say she's a poor man's Madhuri Dixit.", "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.", "Obviously you're not that familiar with Indian cinema.", "I've never slept on an air mattress before.", "No lumbar support whatsoever.", "I don't see any way to get a park bench in here.", "No, that's fine.", "I'm perfectly comfortable sleeping on a bouncy castle.", "Now, only if you want to.", "Meh.", "That poster of Halle Berry's a little unnerving.", "She's like my fourth favourite catwoman.", "Yeah, Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfieffer, Eartha Kitt and then her.", "Oh, I forgot about Lee Meriwether.", "That makes Halle Berry my fifth favourite catwoman.", "There's Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfieffer, Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether...", "I'm trying, I'm counting catwomen.", "She did make a fine mutant in the X-Men movies though.", "But she's not my favourite of the X-Men, in order that would be Wolverine, Cyclops, oh wait, I forgot Professor X.", "Professor X, Wolverine, Cyclops, Iceman, then Storm, Angel, the Beast, oh wait, Nightcrawler.", "Professor X, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Cyclops, Iceman, then Storm, Angel....", "I'm ba-ack!", "I can't tell you.", "I promised Penny.", "That I wouldn't tell you the secret.", "Shhhhh!", "Mom smokes in the car.", "Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell Dad.", "I'm Batman.", "Shhhhh!", "Okay, I'll tell you, but you can't tell Leonard.", "Penny lied about graduating from community college because she is afraid she's not smart enough for Leonard.", "I drank milk that tasted funny.", "I know, most of your work is extremely derivative.", "Don't worry, that's not a secret.", "Everybody knows."], "howard": ["Wait till you see this.", "It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.", "It's before he became a creepy computer voice", "Yeah, right, your grandmother back in town?", "Hang on, there really is a lady here?", "And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?", "So she's available for coitus?", "Enchante Madamoiselle.", "Howard Wolowitz, Cal-Tech department of Applied Physics.", "You may be familiar with some of my work, it's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon taking high-resolution digital photographs.", "Bon douche.", "It's French for good shower.", "It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.", "See-ka-tong-guay-jow.", "Oh, he speaks English, he just can't speak to women.", "He's kind of a nerd.", "Juice box?", "This is one of my favourite places to kick back after a quest, they have a great house ale.", "Yeah, I've had him since level ten.", "His name is Buttons.", "Anyway, if you had your own game character we could hang out, maybe go on a quest.", "So you'll think about it?", "Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado.", "I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke.", "Baby, baby don't get hooked on me.", "Uh, baby, baby don't get hooked on me.", "But does it have peanut oil?", "Do I look puffy?", "I feel puffy.", "No, no, look at my fingers, they're like Vienna sausages.", "Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?", "Get used to it.", "He can't talk to attractive women, or in your case a cheesecake-scented Goddess!", "Yeah, and you don't have a problem with that, how does he fly at night.", "Grab a napkin, homie.", "You just got served.", "What's his problem?", "Been there.", "Really?", "You?", "Rajesh Koothrapali, spoke to Penny?", "She hugged you?", "How did she hug you?", "(Raj hugs Howard.)", "Is that her perfume I smell?", "Oh boy, I was afraid of this.", "These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components.", "This right here is why Sweden has no space program.", "Good point, how you gonna cool it?", "How about liquid coolant?", "Maybe a little aquarium pump here, run some quarter inch PVC...", "Hold on, honey, men at work.", "The PVC comes down here, maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as a radiator here.", "Perfect, Leonard, why don't you and Sheldon go down to the junk yard and pick up about six square metres of scrap aluminium, Raj and I will run down to my lab and get the oxy-acetaline torch.", "Done.", "Alright, just a few more feet, and....", "here we are gentlemen, the Gates of Elzebub.", "Stay frosty, there's a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the Sword of Azeroth.", "Raj, blow up the gates.", "Don't just stand there, slash and move, slash and move.", "Leonard, you've got one on your tail.", "Sheldon, he's got Raj, use your sleath spell.", "Sheldon!", "Sheldon!", "Leonard look out!", "I am the Swordmaster!", "Sounds like your neighbour's home.", "Stealing snail mail, very old school, I like it.", "Kissing, what kind of kissing?", "Cheeks?", "Lips?", "Chaste?", "French?", "I'm a romantic.", "Because he looked better than you?", "I disagree, love is not a sprint, it's a marathon.", "A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms.", "Or hits you with the pepper spray.", "I don't know, you guys work in the same lab.", "There are pitfalls, trust me, I know.", "When it comes to sexual harassment law I'm... a bit of a self-taught expert.", "Oh, then you're probably okay.", "Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you?", "Maybe, although the history of science-fiction is not on your side.", "That's true.", "Have you ever harmed a human being, or through inaction allowed a human being to come to harm?", "Have you ever harmed yourself, or allowed yourself to be harmed except in cases where a human being would have been endangered?", "I smell robot.", "So, how did it go with Lesley?", "Well, as usual, Wolowitz has the solution.", "I happen to know a place where there are plenty of eligible women, and Leonard could have his pick.", "I think Mrs Tishman's got her eye on you.", "I've been there, you're in for a treat.", "Right.", "Sorry.", "Howard Wolowitz.", "Excuse me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his smouldering good looks.", "Oh yeah.", "Hey, look who's come out....", "Not so fast, remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus Superman and Godzilla.", "Hang on, honey.", "Shiva and Ganesh?", "The Hindu Gods against the entire Union army?", "What do you recommend for someone who worked up a man-sized appetite from a morning of weight training and cardio-funk?", "I'll take the heart smart platter.", "And walks in quiet beauty like the night.", "If you're into music, I happen to be a human beatbox.", "What's the matter?", "How can she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her.", "Hey, look, it's Doctor Stud!", "The blogosphere is a-buzzing with news of you and Lesley Winkle making eine kleine bang-bang music.", "I put it there.", "That was absolutely humiliating.", "Yes, but you don't have to lose to Kyle Bernstein's Bar-Mitzvah party.", "I shot you for good reason, you were leading us into disaster.", "Morning ma'am.", "A boy-girl party?", "As in, costumes?", "Gentlemen, to the sewing machines.", "No, no, no, it's a boy-girl party, this Flash runs solo.", "I'm not Peter Pan, I'm Robin Hood.", "Just a heads up fellas, if anyone gets lucky I've got a dozen condoms in my quiver.", "What, are all the girls in the bathroom?", "I'm Peter Pan!", "And I've got a handful of pixie dust with your name on it.", "No thanks, peanuts, I can't afford to swell up in these tights.", "Hey guys, check out the sexy nurse.", "I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.", "I'm going to use the mirror technique.", "She brushes her hair back, I brush my hair back, she shrugs, I shrug, subconsciously she's thinking we're in sync, we belong together.", "You know, psychology journals, internet research, and there's this great show on VH1 about how to pick up girls.", "If that's a working stethoscope, maybe you'd like to hear my heart skip a beat.", "No, seriously, you can, I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia.", "Hey, have you seen Koothrapali?", "He's not the Marvel comic story, he's the original Norse God.", "I'm supposed to give him a ride home.", "Watch this, it's really cool.", "Call Leonard Hofstadter.", "Did you say, call Helen Boxleitner?", "No.", "Call Leonard Hofstadter.", "Did you say, call Temple Beth Sader.", "No.", "See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day you'll have good luck.", "Well, is she doing it one thong at a time, or does she just throw it all in, like some sort of erotic bouillabaisse.", "Bonjour mademoiselle, I understand you're new in town.", "Ola, nerd-migos.", "Oh, yeah, sorry, I'll have it cleaned.", "In the shower.", "Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt, yours reaches places that mine just won't.", "More precisely we used your loofah.", "I exfoliated her brains out!", "Ah, well then we'll probably need to talk about your stuffed bear collection.", "In here my lady.", "Let me offer a little outside the box thinking here, why doesn't Christie stay with me.", "I do not, my mother lives with me.", "So, what do you say, you wanna repair to Castle Wolowitz?", "I'm sorry, I should have mentioned this earlier, my last name is Wolowitz.", "Anything you want.", "When they perfect human cloning I'm going to order twelve of those.", "Who cares, last night she pulled off her blouse and I wept!", "Really?", "Yay!", "If you'll excuse me, I have some Bar-Mizvah bonds to cash.", "Hi this is Howard Wolowitz.", "We can't get to the phone right now because we're having sex.", "Why, so you and Howard can hump on it?", "Ladies, ladies, I'm sure there's a middle ground.", "You girl's talk, I'm going to take my scooter out for a little spin.", "Why don't you stop butting in where you don't belong.", "What are you guys doing here?", "He's not a man, he's a putz, and don't you take that tone with me, you gold digger.", "You heard me, and I'll tell you something else, you're barking up the wrong tree, cos as long as you're around, Howard is out of the will.", "That's right, go back to Babylon, you whore.", "So, Halo night, huh?", "Sheldon, you got him in your sights, fire, he's charging his plasma rifle.", "Son of a bitch, medpack, I need a medpack!", "Guess whose parents just got broadband.", "Is it just me, or does webchatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless.", "Neither do I. Doogie Howser's been off the air for like, twenty years.", "I bet they love Scrubs.", "It's the entire premise of Fiddler on the Roof.", "Me too.", "Of course, it speaks to me culturally.", "Let's not forget it's got some really catchy tunes.", "So who wants to rent Fiddler?", "Give me the phone.", "Don't worry, you'll thank me.", "(In a fake Indian accent) Hello Lalita, Raj Koothrappali.", "(Raj starts to chase Howard across the room.)", "Yes it is good to talk to you too.", "So, what are you wearing.", "Oh, not important, so, anyhow, when would you like to meet.", "Friday works for me.", "And I call you with the time and place, but in the meantime, keep it real babe.", "(In own voice) You may now thank me.", "Fine, next time make your own date.", "Worked for my parents.", "I'd like to try a slippery nipple.", "No, no, let's see how long it takes him.", "Worked for my parents.", "I'd say he was doing fine, look at her, last girl my mom set me up with had a moustache and a vestigial tail.", "Oh, yeah, I tried to watch that online, but they wanted a credit card.", "Oh, no it isn't.", "Every year at Comic Con.", "Every day at Disneyland you can hire Snow White to come to your house.", "Course they prefer it if you have a kid, but...", "And you have no wrath.", "I'll tell you what just happened, I just learned how to pick up Indian chicks.", "Are we ready on the stereo?", "No problem, turning it down.", "(Using mouse again) San Francisco, Lisbon, Halifax (the music gets quieter) et voila.", "The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas, and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv.", "That would be me.", "I'm with you.", "I just have to make sure if I'm a synthetic human I'd still be Jewish.", "I promised my mother.", "I don't know, Sheldon, those topical conferences on Bowes-Einstein condensates parties are legendary.", "Forget the parties?", "What a nerd.", "I've got one, hey Leonard, your mamma's research methodology is so flawed....", "Oh no he dit'nt!", "I just checked the house, there's probably twenty, twenty-five people in there.", "It's okay, just open with a joke, you'll be fine.", "Let's roll.", "Hey, nice suit.", "More often than you'd think.", "You won't believe this.", "Uh-oh, here comes \"the talk.\"", "Oh boy, group hug.", "Uh-huh?", "Okay.", "So what's up?", "Wait a minute, Farminfarmian is speaking and you're Bogarding the symposium.", "No, no, you're quark-blocking us.", "Wow.", "No, it's okay, it's your Millenium Falcon, you and Chewbacca do whatever you want to do.", "Me and Princess Leia here will find some other way to spend the evening.", "No, I'm lost too, I think she skipped a step.", "Yeah, uh, break a leg.", "So, road trip to Long Beach.", "I'm game.", "Howard, it's the phone.", "I know it's the phone, Ma, I hear the phone.", "Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?", "I don't know.", "Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.", "How can I ask them when I'm talking to you!", "(Into phone) Hello.", "Dear Lord, not Milky Green!", "Who's on the phone.", "It's Leonard.", "Why is he calling.", "Sheldon's sick.", "Were you playing with him?", "For God's sake, Ma, I'm twenty six years old.", "Excuse me Mr Grown-up.", "Whadda-ya want for breakfast.", "Chocolate milk and eggoes please!", "Hang on, call waiting.", "Hello.", "Howard's sleeping, this is his mother.", "Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?", "Then call your own mother.", "(To Leonard) It was Sheldon.", "It's my own fault, I forgot the protocol we put in place after the great ear infection of '06.", "Stand by.", "Ma, can my friends come over?", "I just had the carpets steamed.", "That's a negatory.", "But there's a Planet of the Apes marathon at the New Art today.", "Look at this, everyone went chimp.", "Take your stinking paws off my popcorn you damn dirty ape.", "Sorry.", "(Crunching sound) Found 'em.", "Sorry, don't you have a spare.", "Unless Sheldon's there, in which case you'll be trapped forever in his whiny hyper neurotic snot-web.", "Well?", "I'm not going in there.", "It's all right, wireless mini-cam and Bluetooth headset.", "We'll be your eyes.", "One more thing.", "This is a subsonic impact sensor.", "If Sheldon gets out of bed and starts to walk, this device will register it and send a signal to the laptop.", "At that point, based on the geography of the apartment and the ambulatory speed of a sick Sheldon, you'll have seven seconds to get out, glasses or no glasses.", "No, you'll be on your hands and knees.", "Now you'll need to get the sensor as close as you can to Sheldon's room.", "Stay low.", "Bear left.", "Now keep true.", "It means go straight.", "You don't stay go straight when you're giving bearings, you say keep true.", "Because you didn't keep true.", "(Time shift, Leonard is now outside bedrooms) Okay, turn right.", "Angle your head to the right.", "A little more.", "A little more.", "(Leonard now has his head at right angles to his body) That's it, now just keep true.", "Alright, you're close enough to Sheldon's room, deploy the sensor.", "Now turn it on.", "No.", "Oh, I guess you didn't.", "Good.", "From this point forward you will have to crawl.", "Told you the sensor would work.", "Hey, I'm damaged too.", "How about a hug for Howie?", "Antonio Salieri?", "You know, Sheldon, you don't have so many friends that you can afford to start insulting them.", "We liked Leonard.", "It's a small brown paper bag, Ma, I'm looking at it right now.", "(Pause.)", "Why would I make that up, there's no ding-dong in it.", "(Pause.)", "How are two ding-dongs tomorrow going to help me today?", "I'll talk to you later.", "Sheldon, what are you doing here?", "I've been at this lab for three years, you've never came by to say hello.", "A small payload support structure for a European science experimental package that's going up on the next space shuttle.", "When this is done, it will be attached to the payload bay, and the sensor apparatus will rest on it.", "No, you don't understand, during acceleration it needs to stay perfectly level and provide... yeah, okay, it's a shelf.", "Sheldon, there's a diploma in my office that says I have a masters in engineering.", "Sheldon.", "Go away.", "No, I thought of it all by myself.", "Is he here?", "Something's got to be done about him, Leonard.", "Then our problem would be solved.", "We don't have to go that far, there are other means available.", "The only thing we need to do is make this Kim kid lose his focus.", "What about biology?", "You know, biology?", "The one thing that can completely derail a world class mind.", "Yeah, so, when I was fifteen I met Denise Polmerry and my grade point average fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.", "No, I just wasted a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if she did.", "We need a hot fifteen year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.", "Smooth.", "Or can we?", "I don't think you mean we can't.", "I think you mean we shouldn't.", "Uh-uh.", "I know the type, cheerleader, student council, goes out with jocks, won't even look at anybody in the gifted programme.", "And if, after two years of begging, she does agree to go out with you, it turns out to be a set-up and you're in the back seat of your mom's car with your pants off while the whole football team laughs at you.", "No, I have allergies.", "Interesting, kind of pretty, a little chubby so probably low self-esteem.", "Oh no, she'll never go for the kid once she gets a peek at this.", "Did anyone see how he did it?", "He's back.", "I guess times have changed since we were young.", "Smart is the new sexy.", "Yeah, let's go with that.", "Unbelievable.", "Components I built are on the International Space Station, and I get a ticket for launching a model rocket in the park.", "Wow, I almost didn't recognise him.", "Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film.", "There's going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth.", "Maybe they had to go to a clinic.", "Imagine Spock's dad in a little room with a copy of pointy ears and shapely rears.", "Gentlemen, switching to local nerd news.", "Fishman, Chen, Chowdry, McNair aren't fielding a team in the university physics bowl this year.", "They formed a barbershop quartet, and got a gig playing Knotsbury Farm.", "Recognise.", "Kryptonian villain.", "Long story.", "What?", "Why?", "Outweigh the needs of the few.", "How about the perpetual motion squad?", "It's beyond the laws of physics, plus a little heads up for the ladies.", "Perpetual motion squad, we can go all night.", "Hey, I buzzed in.", "Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions?", "I am an engineer.", "Some of us might have the correct answers too.", "Alright, that's it.", "Okay.", "I agree.", "He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve.", "So who'd he get to be on his team.", "That sounds more like, we are a tall thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.", "So?", "Okay, we're going to need a strong fourth for our team.", "Gentlemen, I believe I've found the solution to all our problems.", "Sometimes you've got to take one for the team.", "Hit that thang.", "Dilepton, schmilepton, we need you.", "Well, we tried.", "Just have to face Sheldon mano-e-mano-e-mano.", "A-mano.", "Yes.", "Sheldon.", "760 degrees celsius, the approximate temperature of the young lady in the front row.", "It looks like something they found on the ship at Roswell.", "Then guess.", "He doesn't have it.", "He's got squat.", "A time machine from the movie The Time Machine?", "Oh, that's cool.", "Do you have $800?", "Don't worry, the way these things work there's people waiting 'til the last second to bid, and then they swoop in and get it, it's called sniping.", "You lucky duck.", "Why don't we share it?", "We'll each put in two hundred bucks and we'll take turns having it in our homes.", "It's actually a tremendous bargain, even with shipping it works out to less than four dollars a pound.", "If we take the dish off it might fit in the elevator.", "Not necessary, I have a masters in engineering, I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis.", "I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.", "When the Mars rover started pulling to the left I performed a front end alignment from 62 million miles away.", "(Presses lift button.", "Nothing happens.)", "No, that baby's broken.", "If I push any harder I'm going to give birth to my colon.", "Talk about your chick magnets.", "You can't just keep it here, what if I meet a girl and say, \"you wanna come up and see my time machine, it's at my friends house,\" how lame is that?", "I was going to put down a towel.", "Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls out for Dr Watson.", "And even if you can make it to Boston, what are you going to do, knock on the door and say to Mrs Bell, \"hey Mrs Bell, big fan of your husband, can I come in and watch him invent the telephone?\"", "If I push any harder I'm going to give birth to my colon.", "Lox and bagels, the breakfast of time travellers.", "Why?", "Screw his balcony, I'll give you a hundred and twenty and we'll put it in my garage.", "You can't do that, look what you've created here, it's like nerdvana.", "Hang on, I need that to complete my Justice Society of America collection.", "Well you can't just call dibs.", "Will you forget dibs!", "Mom, my bar-mizvah bonds, how much do I got?", "Thanks.", "I can go twenty six hundred dollars and two trees in Israel.", "Okay man, be cool, we're all friends here.", "I guess that makes me large breasts.", "Shhh!", "Hot girl in Sheldon's office.", "Don't think so.", "I followed her here from the parking lot.", "Well she's free to examine my briefs.", "I know, I'm disgusting, I should be punished.", "By her, oh look, I did it again.", "Sorry I'm late, I'm working on a project that may take me up on the next space shuttle.", "Nobody ever expects me, sometimes you just look and... BAM!", "(shakes girl's hand) Howard Wolowitz.", "Yeah.", "Well, I think you're delightfully droll.", "Or as the French say, Tres Drole.", "Was it perhaps destiny, I think it was destiny.", "Destiny, thy name is Anaheim.", "Come on, Shelly, she's family.", "I'll walk you to your car.", "You're in structure 3 level C, right?", "Ha-ha, not your eyebrows?", "Can I get a hallelujah.", "Hallelujah.", "Do you like motorcycles, 'cos I ride a hog.", "You still have to wear a helmet.", "Yeah, well my people invented circumcision.", "You're welcome!", "Bye Missy.", "Okay, you two have to back off.", "So what, you've already got Penny.", "So I can have Penny?", "I'm a fancy Indian man, we invented pajamas!", "I'm warning you, I was judo champion at math camp.", "Who are you to decide that?", "What are you so happy about?", "Wait a minute.", "Leonard made you aware of that?", "Is it 'cause I'm Jewish, 'cause I'd kill my Rabbi with a porkchop to be with your sister.", "Look, we have to settle this.", "Oh, you poor, deluded bastard.", "You want to go again?", "Let's go.", "Okay.", "Come on, come on, get up.", "I'm fine, thanks for asking.", "I've come to call on Missy.", "The amazing Howard.", "Do you like magic?", "It combines the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of tetris into the ultimate sport.", "Well I love birthdays, waking up to Mom's special French Toast breakfast, wearing the birthday king crown, playing laser tag with all my friends.", "Actually that was last year.", "You think?", "Go ahead, tell her about your senior prom.", "Make sure they remember no peanuts.", "Did someone say party?", "I suppose that's possible, but for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.", "Fine.", "If I do have a threesome, you can't be part of it.", "I'm just kidding, yes you can.", "Can you bring a friend?", "What difference does it make?", "Can you just let us in.", "Well, Raj got him an awesome limited edition Dark Knight sculpture based on Alex Ross's definitive Batman, and I got him this amazing autographed copy of the Feynman lectures on physics.", "Okay, well, he might like that, I've seen him... chilly.", "Don't ask.", "Too late.", "Told you not to ask.", "Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.", "Just do it.", "He came with a manual.", "No problem.", "What if guests show up?", "What if they're women?", "Hey!", "How's it going?", "So, listen, the New Art is showing the revised definitive cut of Blade Runner.", "No, you've seen the 25th anniversary final cut.", "This one has eight seconds of previously unseen footage.", "They say it completely changes the tone of the film.", "Come on, afterwards there's a Q & A with Harrison Ford's body double.", "Can't you play him some other time?", "Oh my God, do you smell gas.", "Yeah, no.", "Oh-oh.", "(Louder) Oh-oh!", "This granola bar, there's peanuts in it.", "I don't know, it was just there.", "Don't yell at me, I've got to go to the emergency room.", "No, after my tongue has swollen to the size of a brisket.", "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh....", "(into phone after Leonard leaves room) The laundry is out of the hamper.", "(Looks exasperated) Okay Sheldon, what was it supposed to be?", "Fine, it's out of the washer.", "I'll call you when it's in the dryer.", "Excuse me.", "No, listen, see we're throwing my friend a surprise party and I'm supposed to keep him out of his apartment for two hours.", "No, see, the only way I could get him to leave is to tell him I ate a peanut.", "Because I'm allergic to peanuts.", "Look, all I need from you is to take me in the back and give me a band-aid so I can pretend I had a shot of epinephrine and they you tell my friend you need to keep me under observation for about an hour, hour and a half.", "Yes.", "No, you don't understand.", "Okay, I get it, I know how the world works, how about if I were to introduce you (holding up a five dollar bill) to the man who freed your people.", "Bad, very bad.", "We can't go home.", "Becauth (pretends tongue has swollen up) Becauth-th-th.", "Brissket, Brissket!", "Water, need water.", "Penny, look, I've got a problem.", "I don't think I can.", "Okay, you have to understand something, we're in a hospital right now.", "Leonard's fine.", "I'm fine, thanks for asking, by the way.", "Look, I've done my best but he wants to go home and I don't know how to stop him.", "Don't toy with me, woman.", "Pees hep me!", "Fank-u.", "I really don't think the colonoscopy was necessary.", "Oh, right, it's your birthday, I had no idea it was your birthday, I completely forgot, wow, what a lousy way to spend a birthday, well it's all over now.", "Maybe.", "Are you mad?", "Yeah, that's why I did it.", "Well it's not.", "You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.", "Once you're fluent you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.", "You just called Leonard a syphilitic donkey.", "Not now, I have a blog to find.", "It's smashed beyond repair, what are you going to do with it?", "Apparently he posted intimate details of their physical relationship on his blog, which I cannot find anywhere.", "Good idea.", "Sit with her, hold her, comfort her, and if the moment feels right, see if you can cop a feel.", "Remember to sit on your hands a bit so they're warm.", "What, so you're saying that if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her, right there, right now, you'll just walk away?", "For God's sake, Sheldon, if you don't like the tangerine chicken, don't order the tangerine chicken.", "Boy, that story gets better every time you hear it.", "Oh, hey, Leonard, how was your date?", "You should thank us.", "When future generations try to determine why your relationship with Penny crashed and burned, this right here is the black box.", "No, it's like \"this fish tastes bad, so I'm going to slow down and spit it out.\"", "Oh really, did you make a second date.", "Good, 'cos they don't work.", "Let's go to the tape.", "Look at her reaction to the goodnight kiss, no change in respiration, pupils un-dilated, no flushing of the chest.", "Give him time.", "Hey, qu'est q'wass up?", "And some of those skinless chicks were hot.", "That's kind of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia.", "Did you buy generic ketchup, forget to rinse the sink, talk to him through the bathroom door?", "Did you make fun of trains?", "Who is it?", "Shouldn't you have put him in a brown paper bag and set him on fire?", "Maybe you'd be happier on a park bench?", "Do you want to switch?", "Get out of bed, we're switching.", "Just get in the bed!", "What's going on?", "Are you boys roughhousing?", "We're just talking ma.", "If you don't settle down right now, I'm not going to let you have any more sleepovers.", "For God's sake, ma, I'm 27 years old.", "It's not even a school night!", "(To Sheldon) Comfy now?", "So don't look at it.", "No kidding?", "What about Lee Meriwether?", "Well I'm glad that's settled.", "Please, I'm begging you, go to sleep.", "Oh for God's sake.", "Koothrappali dumped him on me, and he couldn't get to sleep, so I gave him a glass of warm milk with a handful of my mom's valium in it.", "But he still wouldn't shut up, so, tag, you're it."]}