To replace programmers with robots, clients will have to accurately describe what they want.
We are safe! 😏
A guy ordered a pizza with cheese, olives, onion and red pepper. On getting it, the guy shouted - It is not baked.
Delivery guy - You only get what you ask for.
If somebody refers me for a job 👨💻 will it be considered 'pass by reference' or 'pass by value'? 🤔😂
Once C++ walks into a bar and sees C.
C is drunk, falling on the floor, spitting and swearing.
How classless! -says C++
Are you a RESTful API? because you GET my attention, PUT some love, POST the cutest smile, and DELETE my bad day
I used to know a joke about Java, but I run out of memory.
Why do Front-End Developers eat lunch alone?
Because, they don't know how to join tables.
I am declaring a war. var war;
Knock knock
Unsynchronized block
Who's there?
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very... long... pause...
“Java.”
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
walks UDP package into bar A.
I would tell you a joke about UDP, but I don't know if you will get it.
Either way, I don't care.
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
#pisa-tower {
font-style: italic;
}
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?” The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
1/3 of US bandwidth is used by Netflix.
the rest is used by rm -rf node_modules && npm install
Debugging: Being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer.
Behind every good program is a frustrated programmer.
Being a Programmer and watching someone HACK a computer on a TV show is like a nurse and watching someone in the movie take blood with a carrot.
Programmer 1: We have a problem! Programmer 2: Let’s use RegEx! Programmer 1: Now we have two problems.
My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.
Trying to fix the problem I created when I tried to fix the problems I created when I tried to fix the problems I created when there was a problem
A programmer’s wife asks: “Would you go to the shop and pick up a loaf of bread? And if they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread.
“They had eggs.”
Conversation between layman and developer
- layman: Hey! What's your address
- developer: 173.168.15.10
- layman: No man. Your local address
- developer: 127.0.0.1
- layman: I mean your physical address
- developer: 29.01.38.62.31.58
👦 : I like you, do you want to be my GF?
👧 : ... (30 seconds)
👦 : Why are you quiet?
👧 : ... (30 seconds). "504 Gateway Timeout"
"I know a guy who knows a guy... who knows another guy"
Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”
What do the new MacBook and a black hole have in common?
There's no Escape!
One man's constant is another man's variable
Android: where ProgressBars go around in circles and Spinners don’t spin
I showed my 12 year son aa floppy disk.... He said "ohh nice!! You have 3-D printed the save icon."
All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors
"Don't call me, I'll callback you. I promise!"
"How did your dog eat your coding assignment?" It took him a couple bytes
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
Python and PHP.
One of these two is one of the most popular choices of backend programming. The other one is PHP.
Dad: So what do you want to do when you grow up?
Kid: Engineering
Dad: Oh great, so you want to become an engineer?
Kid: No, I want 4 more years to decide what I want to do
A successful programmer is a PRO in GRAMMAR!
A journalist asked a programmer:-what makes code bad?
Programmer:- No comment
Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt, he goes bug killing.
why do Elm developers type so loudly?
cause it's a strongly typed language.
Chuck Norris don’t need passwords to access your system, he simply types * and system gives him access.
Ford is creating a line of electric cars that use Tesla parts and software. They're calling it Edison.
I see this person every day who is huge by the way and yet everybody ignores that person. Do you wanna know who?
node underscore modules
Wrong middle name anyways!
{ "devjoke":"people with name Jason might have felt invalid once JSON came into picture" }
I have a dev joke, but I couldn't debug it 😭
this.engaged = true
Because they do not Node how to Express themselves.
You console it.
It didn't get the context.
Because she didn't get arrays
Inheritance.
Because they have constant arguments.
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
Foo Bar
A URLogist
He keeps dropping the database
It had too many
Because they use a strongly typed language.
He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Because it has Hooks 😂.
For a while
FORK YOU!
Guardians of the Galaxy
Because it's above C-level
They are both useless when you open windows
Answer: A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
Answer: Because they can't C# !
Answer: They stop calling each other.
Answer: 1
Answer: None – It’s a hardware problem
Answer: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
No, they just haven't had a gig yet.
Http
1/3 of US bandwidth is used by Netflix.
They used up all their cache.
Because it was now off the hook.
Because its parent kept giving it props!
Trouble-shooting!
python:how are you c c: python:oh I always forget! ; c: fine
Question- Me: My screens turns Blue, Mom : Fool,u deleted System32!
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
- How do you tell HTML from HTML5?
- Try it out in Internet Exlorer.
- Did it work?
- No?
- It's HTML5.
A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it,It's not that good 😃 😀 😄
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?” “Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
Programmer: Son, can you count to 10? 3 yr old son: 1...2... Programmer: Stop. You are not my son,
(.images/webjava.jpg)
Answer: 
Question: What are the similarities between java and javascript? It's just like , CAR and CARPET(CAR-pet) {JAVA and JAVA-script)
Android: where ProgressBars go around in circles and Spinners don’t spin
What did the Python say when he came out of his shell? Print("Hello World!")
I showed my 12 year son aa floppy disk.... He said "ohh nice!! You have 3-D printed the save icon."
All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors
Algorithm :
Words used by a programmer when....
they don't want to explain what they did.
I had a problem earlier, then i started using Java. Now I've a ProblemFactory.
Me during my AI Presentation: I have some good markov jokes, but really if you've heard one you've heard them all.
Friend: you both look like a cute couple!! where did you find her? tinder or insta? Me: GITHUB
any one know any joke about sodium?? NA
I went on a date. The girl said " Pass the salt ". I replied " Pass by value or by reference!"
A journalist asked a programmer:-what makes code bad? Programmer:- No comment
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
I now understand why english grammar was taught in school,because it takes me a while to think the difference between "sign up" and "sign in" before i click the wrong one.
But its just so obtuse
Guy 1: Its so cold, the heater has stopped working !! Android Dev: (Turns on Android Studio) There you go !
Son: Dad, why do the sun rise in east and set in west ? Programmer dad: hey, it works!! Don't touch it ;
A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
Answer: A fork.
Q. In a world where computer programs were TV shows, why would a JS program never be a reality TV show?
Ans. - because it's scripted.
#mother { right: 100%; margin: 0; }
She: You told me you were fullstack! Me: Full Stackoverflow
Answer: An algo-rhythm
newbie programmer- I can't believe the code worked FIRST TIME! experienced programmer- I CAN'T believe the code worked first time...
Programming is like a writing a book... Except when you miss a single comma on page 127 the whole thing makes no sense.