release-22.2: sqlliveness: add timeouts to heartbeats

[blathers-crl]

Backport 2/2 commits from #87533 on behalf of @aadityasondhi.

/cc @cockroachdb/release

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Previously, sqlliveness heartbeat operations could block on the transactions that were involved. This change introduces some timeouts of the length of the heartbeat during the create and refresh operations.

Resolves #85541

Release note: None

Release justification: low-risk bugfix to existing functionality

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Release justification:

[blathers-crl]

Thanks for opening a backport.

Please check the backport criteria before merging:

• Patches should only be created for serious issues or test-only changes.
• Patches should not break backwards-compatibility.
• Patches should change as little code as possible.
• Patches should not change on-disk formats or node communication protocols.
• Patches should not add new functionality.
• Patches must not add, edit, or otherwise modify cluster versions; or add version gates.

If some of the basic criteria cannot be satisfied, ensure that the exceptional criteria are satisfied within.

• There is a high priority need for the functionality that cannot wait until the next release and is difficult to address in another way.
• The new functionality is additive-only and only runs for clusters which have specifically “opted in” to it (e.g. by a cluster setting).
• New code is protected by a conditional check that is trivial to verify and ensures that it only runs for opt-in clusters.
• The PM and TL on the team that owns the changed code have signed off that the change obeys the above rules.

Add a brief release justification to the body of your PR to justify this backport.

Some other things to consider:

• What did we do to ensure that a user that doesn’t know & care about this backport, has no idea that it happened?
• Will this work in a cluster of mixed patch versions? Did we test that?
• If a user upgrades a patch version, uses this feature, and then downgrades, what happens?

[cockroach-teamcity]

This change is 

[ajwerner]

Reviewed 2 of 5 files at r1.
Reviewable status: complete! 0 of 0 LGTMs obtained (waiting on @aadityasondhi, @abarganier, @ajwerner, and @joshimhoff)

[aadityasondhi]

closing in favor of #88805 which includes fixes to test flakiness found later.