Fix grammar and accuracy of "personal data" commentary.

Co-authored-by: Ted Thibodeau Jr <tthibodeau@openlinksw.com>
Co-authored-by: David Chadwick <d.w.chadwick@truetrust.co.uk>

index.html

@@ -3091,13 +3091,13 @@ <h2>Keep Personal Data Private</h2>
 
       <p>
 If a [=controller document=] is about a specific individual and is
-public-facing, it is <em>critical</em> that the [=controller document=] contains
+public-facing, it is <em>critical</em> that [=controller documents=] contain
 no personal biometric or biographical data. While it is true that personal data
-might include pseudonymous information, such as a public cryptographic key,
+might include pseudonymous information, such as a public cryptographic key or an IP address, 
 publishing that sort of information does not create the same immediate privacy
 dangers as publishing an individual's full name, profile photo, or social media
-account in a [=controller document=]. As an alternative, personal data can
-instead be transmitted through other means such as verifiable credentials
+account in a [=controller document=]. A better alternative is to transmit
+such personal data through other means such as verifiable credentials
 [[?VC-DATA-MODEL-2.0]] or other data formats sent over private and secure
 communication channels.
       </p>